Only someone who has played golf on the West Coast will be able to relate to this. I was standing in line at Lowe's Garden Center when I came across a display of Ice Plants. My hand desperately wanted to reach in and look for golf balls. Ice Plants are the most evil creation of nature. They swallow golf balls and eat them. Greens Keepers plant them all around the fringes of West Coast greens and hide behind trees and laugh with devilish delight as golfers pull their hair out. I swear that they slope the greens so that the slightest mishit ends up in the ice plants and disappear forever. It's bad enough to chili dip an easy chip shot. You follow exactly where the ball went. You know the speed and trajectory. It can't be more than 6 inches in there. Nope. Gone forever. I believe there is a secret underground conveyor that funnels all of the balls back to the Pro Shop where they are washed and placed in the 3 for $5 barrels. It's a conspiracy between the greens keepers and the kids who work in the pro shop. Also involved in this are the mowers, who always manage to pull up about 30 feet behind you. Sure, they shut off their motors and silently sit there, but you know they are rooting for you to fuck up and you do, slicing the ball right into the effing ice plants. Bastards!