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How to say no to people

Discussion in 'Misc. Vegas Chat' started by mdlee3_46041, Apr 1, 2014.

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  1. mdlee3_46041

    mdlee3_46041 Low-Roller

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    Ok, if any of you read, or posted in, my topic about worst Vegas travel companions, then you know I have horrible luck traveling to Vegas with people.

    Now, I'm going in June with the friend that I actually like traveling with, but now my brother wants to go also. My brother is one of the worst traveling companions that I talk about in the other topic. I don't want to be a jerk, but I don't want him to go either. It wouldn't be so bad if he would realize that we can be out there together, but not spend every moment we're awake together. He doesn't see vacations that way though, no matter where he goes. I mean, he'll go to Cancun for instance, but won't lay on the beach unless somebody goes with him. If he's in Vegas, he may want to go relax by the pool, but won't do it unless somebody goes with him. So, I really don't want him going and hovering over me non-stop. I'm sure I wouldn't feel this way if I hadn't experienced it from him before. So, my question is, if you guys were in this situation, how would you tell him no without intentionally being a jerk?

    Keep in mind, I know I can't actually prevent him from going if he REALLY wants to go, but I do know that because of his thoughts on solo travel, he won't go unless he knows he'll have somebody to hang out with.
     
  2. admmr

    admmr Low-Roller

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    Can you tell him it's your friend's trip and you were invited along - thus you are in no position to invite or allow anyone else to come? That would work in our family, but we also don't have anyone who will invite themselves along on a trip like that. Good luck no matter how it comes up!
     
  3. broncofn

    broncofn VIP Whale

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    He is your brother!! You should not even try hinting to him about not going. Enjoy your time with him and do not let the annoying things get to you.
     
  4. RiddickBull

    RiddickBull VIP Whale

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    It sucks to have someone hovering over you when you gamble. I would ditch him at times of the day you need to gamble, etc. Ditch him at the pool.
     
  5. Terry Benedict

    Terry Benedict VIP Whale

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    Wow. Here's what I thought this post was going to say:

    He is your brother!! You should not even try hinting to him about not going. Be honest with him, tell him you enjoy your alone time on vacation and it doesn't happen when he's around. Be honest.

    As far as the brother, possibly do something with him before or after the trip to alleviate your guilt (if you're feeling guilty). But be honest.
     
  6. MikeOPensacola

    MikeOPensacola VIP Whale

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    Tough situation. On the one hand you don't want to hurt your brother's feelings and on the other you probably don't want to lie to him. Maybe just tell a little white lie. For example, this is a special trip for your buddy that he's really been looking forward to with just the two of you.

    Good luck, hope it works out and you have a great trip.

    :peace: :beer:
     
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  7. Auggie

    Auggie Dovahkiin

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    This is my thinking too, enough so that I'd categorize the original post as a "WTF?" head scratcher.

    If it were me and my brother I'd pretty much just outright say "What are you stupid? This is just a trip for me and my buddy" and then probably give him a light sucker punch.
     
  8. mdlee3_46041

    mdlee3_46041 Low-Roller

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    Last time he went, we about for in a fist fight which would have landed us both in jail. We have been in fights before. Usually it's not an issue bc he can't get off the week I'm going but this year somebody at his work quit which opened up the week for him to take off. Sorry but I can't let the part about not enjoying things not get to me bc I pay a good amount of money for my Vegas trips and if I don't enjoy them, then there's no point in even going.

    A previous bad Vegas trip with his isn't the only reason I don't want him going. Anywhere we have ever gone together for more than a couple hours, we always end up fighting somehow.
     
  9. mdlee3_46041

    mdlee3_46041 Low-Roller

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    Also, I can't very easily say it's my buddy's trip bc I go the same week every year for my birthday. That's another reason I don't want to fight while I'm there.
     
  10. Auggie

    Auggie Dovahkiin

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    So why don't you just tell him that?

    This is your brother... you are acting like he is some fragile waif made of delicate glass or something that has to be handled with extreme care.

    If you had a normal healthy relationship with him then you should have no problem just saying no... if you don't then no biggie, just say no and nothing changes.
     
  11. DonnyC

    DonnyC VIP Whale

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    It's all about clarity!

    Express your intentions for the trip. Tell him how you see your time being spent and how you don't. Then if he wants to play ball with that no big problem.

    Often once others see that the trip isn't going to be with the desire they really don't want to go anyway.
     
  12. Electroguy563

    Electroguy563 Over-Fried Gambler

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    Tell him that you don't want to fight when on vacation in Vegas. If he gets angry fight him right then and there and get it over with. Then tell him "No!!"

    Maybe next time try not to say anything about when you are going to Vegas. This is what I do to family and friends that I don't want to go with. If they ask me I tell them I don't know, I haven't booked yet. A lot of my trips are booked last minute so in a way I'm really not lying to them but not being entirely honest because I do in a way have an idea as to when I want to go.
     
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  13. SelfMade

    SelfMade Tourist

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    Bluff.

    Tell him that you're going to catch some tail on the side from your wife and if he joins he'll be an accomplice, forever partially responsible and expected to keep a straight face at every family outing.
     
  14. Nevyn

    Nevyn VIP Whale

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    I think you're going to have to be up front about this or it will keep coming up and not just in Vegas.

    The strong armed approach would be to say that you just plain don't want him there, and that while he's your brother and you love him, you don't enjoy the same things on holiday as him. Rough conversation, may lead to a fight, but better one here than Vegas.

    The slightly less mean approach would be to say that he is welcome to go if he wants, but he is responsible for his own entertainment. He can book his own hotel, and you are willing to meet up a few specific times for specific things, but the rest of the time, you and your buddy already have plans, and no one else is invited. In short, let him know that a good segment of his trip will be solo.
     
  15. topcard

    topcard Older than the Stardust!

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    Every family is different, but for me - I would handle it this way:

    Brother: So - Vegas huh? I'd love to go too!

    Me: Well, if you really want to, but I'll be spending most of my time with XXX (traveling buddy). I guess we all could meet up for a meal or two, or we may run into each other in one of the casinos, but this is really a trip for me & him.

    Brother: Hell, that's ok - I'll just hang with y'all with whatever y'all are doing.

    Me: Well, I think you'd be bored a lot of the time, because we'll be doing a lot of bouncing around together, and a third person is not really in our plans. But hey - like I said - the timing may work out for a few meals or perhaps a show. Other than that, I doubt you & I would see much of each other. You're certainly free to come out there, but I suggest you find someone who will spend most of their time with you - and plan a trip together with them. That's what me & my buddy did.

    Brother: So, you really don't want me to go, huh? Wow. Just wow.

    Me: Not what I said. Go if you want to. But don't don't presume you'll be seeing a lot of me if you do. I really think you'd have more fun going with a friend who will be doing stuff with you. For this trip, that's not gonna be me.
     
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  16. VegasGroove

    VegasGroove VIP Whale

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    I had to tell a friend of mine that I would never travel with her - anywhere - ever. She is always saying she wants to come to Vegas with me, but I NEVER tell her when I am going. She is always inviting me on trips with her and I always decline.

    I value my Vegas trips highly. So much so, I will NOT be there with people who hinder my good time. I just won't. I did that ONE time and vowed I would never again.
     
  17. Wolfman619

    Wolfman619 Low-Roller

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    Sack up and tell him no! He's your brother, you shouldn't have to tiptoe around this issue. If you are afraid of an argument with him, look at it this way: have the argument now, or spend your entire trip arguing/physically fighting him. Convince him he would have a better time without you, do what you have to. . . but DON'T waste another Vegas trip with this dude.

    I too have told very good friends that I had no desire to travel with them before, and they were pretty upset about it. I came off as an ass, but screw it, you only get so many vacations in this life. My wife and I are over traveling with other couples after we both had to play referee on a weekend trip for another couple who fought incessantly. It was so bad, that it even caused an argument between her and I!
     
  18. airball1996

    airball1996 High-Roller

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    How old is this guy that he needs to be attached at the hip?

    What I do when traveling with either my wife or friends is just tell them. Hey, I have XYZ planned for this night and this night, so you'd be on your own during that.

    I like doing things my traveling companions don't, so as long as the expectation is clear, it shouldn't be an issue.
     
  19. NickyDim

    NickyDim VIP Whale

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    "My friend does NOT want you to join us." or " My friend just wants a vacation with the two of us only".

    Then let him be angry with your friend.



    Or just say. "we fight everytime we go away, so you are not invited. This trip will be drama free for me. There will be other trips you can join me."
     
  20. WHIVGOYTUBE

    WHIVGOYTUBE MIA

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    The Fistacuffs is a deal breaker. And now you're going to place Alcohol into the mix = Disaster.

    Them him the truth, you two do not mix in Vegas, period! And since Alcohol is going into the mix = Disaster for BOTH OF YOU.

    If you give in, you run a HIGH RISK (the way I see it) of spending your Vegas Vacation in Jail, along with a LIFETIME arrest Record, that future potential Employers will see. Would not want to be in an interview room for a new job, and need to explain that one = Violent Behavior (no matter who is at fault), in their eyes.

    Sometimes, you just have to say no, when it is the right thing to do. And I would not feel guilty about it. Being mature is sometimes realizing certain people, places, and things do not mix, and it is the Mature decision to just say no. Saying yes is being irresponsible to the BOTH of you! :nono:
     
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