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Guys' trip, (IP 5/27-5/30)

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by Habanaman13, Jun 1, 2004.

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  1. Habanaman13

    Habanaman13 Tourist

    Joined:
    May 8, 2003
    Messages:
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    Trips to Las Vegas:
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    My Trip Report

    I have finally recovered from my weekend (5/27-5/30) in Vegas enough to type this report. Some of the details remain a bit fuzzy, but I will do my best. The short version goes, “Got very drunk, got a little sleep, got very drunk, got a little sleep, got just drunk enough to think no sleep was a good idea, went home.”

    For those of you who want the unabridged version here goes…

    Warning the following contains material of a mature nature, more discretion than I used is suggested!

    The players are my Dad, my Uncle, my friend (whom we will call AJ) and myself. AJ was a “Vegas Virgin” who didn’t gamble and was not sure if he was going to like Vegas. Well folks, the city we all love and adore popped his cherry hard.

    My Dad showed up at my house six hours before the flight (the airport is a half hour away, ya’ think he was psyched?) and waited while I finished up a conference call. After the call, I blew off the rest of my half-day of work and we left for the airport. We got there early and were first in line because we wanted to get the best seats (Allegiant Air assigns seats at check-in). We asked for the exit row on the two-seat side that reclines. The nice lady said no problem. First win! Or so we thought, she was apparently clueless and we ended up one seat behind where we wanted and sat cramped for almost 3 hours!

    Finally we arrived and headed for baggage claim. It was pretty torn up and they were down to half the number of carousels as normal so my bag came off with three other flights, it was a madhouse! At least for a while, beware and pack a carryon if you can.

    My uncle and AJ had come in on earlier flights. I had told AJ to tell the cabbie, “Imperial palace, No tunnel.” Well I was deep in conversation with my dad about something and forgot to heed my own advice. For those playing at home the difference is about $8 and that makes loss number two for the trip! The cabbie was a complete idiot to boot. We tried to have the standard conversation about how long he’d been there, where he was from etc. He goes off about how he hates Las Vegas and is only there because his wife thinks it is Heaven and that “she has a real F’d up view of Heaven”. Now that is blasphemy, he got the rounded off 20 cents from the fare as an insult tip.

    We were supposed to meet my Uncle and AJ at various bars inside the IP, so my Dad and I went to check in first. We were going to get remodeled rooms beside one another facing the strip. Unfortunately, I had not told AJ of my plans and he had talked the nice lady at the desk into allowing him to check into the room even though it was in my name. No remodel, no view, third loss and I just got there! As it turned out the remodel job was not that great and certainly not worth the extra $20 they wanted to extort. The room was pretty basic in both the old and the “new” decors. Two double beds, dresser, a couple lamps (bolted to the furniture), TV, alarm, two chairs with a table, iron, ironing board, sliding door to a little deck area (mine had a view of other rooms which didn’t even prove entertaining this time and my dad’s had a view of the back of “L” in big Imperial Palace signage). The one thing the room had going for it was the water pressure. Other than that the bathroom was a joke. The exhaust fan was on wall under the sink and counter and the door didn’t lock. Be forewarned, there is no refuge from the pranks of your drunken pals (or drunken “pros” depending on how wild your party gets) during your more private moments.

    Let the buffoonery begin! We went downstairs and, as would be the case all weekend, no one was where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there. That is not an indictment of my Uncle and AJ. The more we all drank, the more pliable our relationship with time became. Finally we all found each other and headed downtown. I was bound and determined to see some of the World Series of Poker. After all, the WSOP was why I picked this weekend in the first place. We got downtown and decided to eat at Tony Roma’s (Fremont) because they had a Steak and Lobster special. However, the special didn’t start until 9:00 so we had to peruse the menu. The beef ribs were great, but made a huge mess. The Onion Ring Log was very good, but greasy.

    The first order of business was to get AJ a ticket on the “Grain Train”, so we set a meeting time and AJ and I headed for La Bayou. I asked where their “full yard” glasses were. The bartender said they call eighteen inches a yard. (That is the kind of thing you want to hear a woman say before you hop in the sack, not before she pours you a drink.) We ended up getting some banana concoction (AJ didn’t want an Everclear drink on his first night in town) and opted for the extra shot. That is a misnomer. She poured the extra shot and then up-ended the bottle into the glass. By the time she was done, the round part at the bottom was easily 2/3 full! It was at that point I stopped complaining about the size of the glass. So with my banana flavored vodka in hand, we hit the street. For those that care, the new lights on the FSE produce a better show and it looked like the conversion was done.

    We wandered west and hit the Las Vegas Club and then on to the Plaza. The lounge act there usually makes me laugh. Before we got there we saw fire trucks and cop cars all over the place. Did that stop us from going in? Naw… what did stop us were the scantily clad women giving out free vodka. They were doing some promotion with a new series of flavored vodka, 42 Degrees. I am not a connoisseur of vodka. I took one taste and dumped the rest of the shot into my now partially banana flavored vodka from La Bayou. The music was very good old school stuff and we stood around taking in the sights and chatting with folks. A couple of older folks went by us that caught our attention. The first was a guy receiving chest compressions from an EMT riding the gurney with him (guess that is what the commotion was about). The second was the women in her late seventies pushing her walker and shaking her moneymaker to the beat the 42 Degrees folks were putting out. The crowd went nuts! Only in Vegas… the guy with no pulse doesn’t get a second look, but grandma gets wolf whistles and applause.

    Finally we went inside for a quick peak at the lounge act. This time it was not the normal group but some kind of singing comedian I could hardly understand. The one line I did understand was a great one though. “Las Vegas, the only city in America that makes you want to wash you hands before you go to the bathroom!” Given that we could barely understand him and the smell was starting to get to us, we left pretty quickly. Back out front to be plied with free alcohol by loose women. (Something about that felt a little backwards.) By this time they had opened the barricades up and were letting folks in to dance and serve themselves. I have zero rhythm, but AJ went in for a while. I sat on the rail and drank, and drank, and drank…

    After awhile I realized we were about 15 minutes late in our meeting time, so we headed for the Golden Nugget. Fifteen minutes later my dad and uncle showed up. We headed out for the WSOP. I had no clue where it was at (other than inside the Horseshoe) and they thought my wanderings were certainly alcohol induced. We found the poker room and they were sure we had arrived. Since there were no cameras we wandered a bit more. We found them just getting a final table underway and they once again thought we had hit pay dirt. It was some kind of second chance tourney worth like $90k. Mike Sexton was sitting there watching and only player I recognized was Olaf Thorson. Looks like he made it to the “outhouse” in the WSOP again this year. I wonder if he got to see the penthouse first though? I found an escalator and went up to Benny’s Bullpen (I think that is what it is called anyway). There were the lights and cameras. Pay dirt!

    They had it down to 10 players and just needed to lose one more so they could call it a night. We stood on the way outside until a couple seats opened up in the second row and AJ & I went for them. The only player still in it that I knew for sure was Dan Harrington, but a couple other faces looked familiar. I saw (or thought I saw) a number of familiar faces in the crowd too: Humberto, Hoyt, “Devilfish”, “Jesus”, Amir Vahedi (sp?) and Norman Chad. There was also some poker playing playmate there that everyone was paying an inordinate amount of attention to, one of the ESPN camera crews even stopped by to chat with her. Either I had my beer goggles on backwards or she was not that much to see. Guess I will have to wait to see if she makes ESPN’s final cut. AJ, who is the first to say he doesn’t know a lot about poker, was feeling the effects of his vodka and was talking trash about the guy next to the dealer who always folded. He had a pretty short stack and I can only assume he was getting rags all night (again we’ll wait and see). So when Marcel went All-in and lost AJ was hot! It was neat being there, but not neat enough to bring me back the next night. Time was too precious to chance not getting a seat for the final day.

    We left the Horseshoe and headed back the IP. We parted ways with my dad and uncle and went out to find the party. It was like two in the morning on Friday and we couldn’t find much that would let us riff-raff in. You see we were not posers. Had we worn our jeans and what I can only describe as farmer shirts, we might have had a chance with the doormen. I have not seen such a bunch of ridiculous idiots in all my life. It was either a white, blue or striped, button-down, collared shirt, with the tails hanging out and the cuff undone and folded over (just once). It was absolutely hilarious to see these packs of guys strutting around. Don’t get me wrong; I am not speaking out of jealousy. I have no illusions about myself. Maybe that is just what happens when you get older. The young guys start to look ridiculous. But I can say with confidence, nothing they had on was as fly and the white suits and aquamarine t-shits from my youth, I know that much. ;)

    As we were walking around, AJ was asking about any woman who looked dressed up where the party was at. Most of them rolled their eyes or snickered at us. Except one… one woman walked back up to him pinched his nipple, handed him a card and said the party was wherever he wanted it to be and to call her. His first proposition! Now he was having fun!

    We ended up doing recon for the next trip (by now AJ had begun to discuss the idea of a next trip) and found out a little bit about some of the places. We also looked around and the various casinos so he could see the must-see sights. The conservatory (Bellagio) did not have as much flash as it does at Christmas. We ended up at the Barbary Coast around 3:45 am to get in on the $2.95 eggs, meat, toast & hash browns deal. While we waited we saw the beautiful people show up for Drais. The guys were mostly as I described before with a few Armani’s thrown in for good measure. But the women… Not many of their outfits required more than a yard of fabric to make and it was straining to cover the work of some very talented plastic surgeons. Eventually our table opened up and we went in to eat. The food was good but the service was harried. AJ tried to be friendly with the woman setting up tables, and filling drinks since she was from near his hometown. By then end of breakfast she finally realized he was not trying to hit on her, and said more than three consecutive words to us. With full stomachs we wandered back to the IP and hit the sack at 4:45.

    The phone rang at 6:30! It was AJ’s uncle, who lives, in Vegas. AJ was going to hang out with him for a while so he left. My uncle was leaving at 1:30 pm that day. Months ago when we planned this he thought it was a good idea, but getting spanked on 4 trips in the last 3 months put a damper on his enthusiasm. We hit a few casinos before he left and went back to the IP. Once he was gone my dad and I headed south to Aladdin for the buffet. It was around $18 and was well worth it: Mexican, Middle Eastern, American, Asian, Italian and Seafood, plus a killer dessert bar. The drink service was spotty, but we managed to roll ourselves out of there plenty full.

    We left Aladdin and headed for the Barbary Coast to catch the Big Elvis show. It was great. Not only could he belt out the Elvis tunes but he sang some others as well. At one point he brought up Goldie and said she was going to put on a little show. Goldie looks to be about 95 and wanted a partner to help out. She picked a guy out of the audience and they danced to a Dire Strait song. She had this whole hip gyrating, body rubbing thing on and it was an absolute riot. We were all rolling out of our seats! Needing to meet up with AJ we had to leave the show early and went back to the IP to rest our feet and get a shower.

    We decided to head to the south strip that night. We went in and out of casinos sightseeing and finally made it to Coyote Ugly where I had to have a Pina Colada. We checked out NY/NY and AJ ran into a friend of his he hadn’t seen in awhile. They chatted long enough for me to finish my Pina Colada. On our way out I picked up another one and then it was off to Mandalay Bay because I cannot be in Vegas without eating Raffles at least once. It delivers every time and it was even free since I had one of my rare wins of this trip thanks to “my” $1 Texas Tea Machine in the high limit area.

    We then headed back to NY/NY for another Pina Colada and meet back up with AJ’s friend. I bought my dad a shot of Jegermeister since he had never tried it. He decided he really needed a beer chaser! We gambled for a bit and then AJ showed back up and said he was going to hang with his buddy and his buddy’s wife for a bit. We agreed to meet back up at IP later. On the way out I stopped off and bought a 54-ounce “Boot” full of Pina Colada. While at the counter a buxom young thing grabbed a hold of me, I turned around and she said, “Sorry I thought you were someone else.” She introduced herself as Jen. I told it was not a problem and she asked what my beverage was and if she could have a sip. As an enticement, she pressed herself up against me. I told her to feel free and she poured on the charm while sucking on my straw. Then she asked how much and was really trying to get me to buy her one. I told her $16 and she said that was pricey but could she have another sip. Who was I to say no!?! We stood there for a minute while she tried further enticements and I tried to figure out if she was a pro or just a regular whore. Finally, I figured no good could come out of that (Sorry fellas, but you loose half on the trade in!) and left her standing there far less satisfied than I was.

    With my boot full o’ booze, and a smile on my face, we headed out the door for the IP stopping at Aladdin, possibly Paris and for sure Bally’s. I remember this because at Aladdin I won $65 on one pull of a Beverly Hillbillies penny machine and then at Bally’s we found some Sinatra machines. That rings a bell because as we were riding the moving walkway out I was giving some rant about how great Sinatra was (I can usually barely stomach that type of music). My most salient argument was that he was “The Chairman”. Someplace along the line I ran out of Pina Colada and had to order another one. It was nasty, so I really wish I could remember where I got it so that doesn’t happen again!

    We finally arrived back at IP and AJ had beaten us back. He was too tired to go on and I realized I was too drunk to leave IP without a babysitter. I went downstairs to get a couple sodas, came back to the room and broke into my “Just in case” stash of peanut butter crackers. I finished off a package and my head hit the pillow at 3:15.

    Our last full day in paradise started at 8:45. We met up with my dad and started our trek north. AJ was telling us he didn’t like the odds on the slots or the card games he had found the best game in the casino the night before. He started talking about the game with the wheel and we were sure he was talking about roulette. No he was hooked on the Big 6 and his great wins. We just laughed. Apparently the dealer had gotten into a groove and was spinning a lot of 2’s, so AJ had made some money. Then they switched dealers and he lost it all back. We kept walking in and out of casinos chatting until we arrived at TI. They had everything torn up and moved so we couldn’t find anything we wanted. We finally settled on Kahunaville for lunch. After we ordered, the lights started to flicker like some sort of brown out was starting and then a fairly weak fountain show commenced.

    After lunch we continued north and went into the Ho’ so AJ could see a Ho’ dog in all its glory. He commented that you could eat on it all day. To which my dad replied, you eat one and you will certainly taste it all day! We walked up past Circus Circus because AJ saw a t-shirt shop and wanted to pick up souvenirs for the wife and kids. He didn’t find anything so we started walking back. It was getting very hot and I was dehydrated from the past two nights festivities. AJ went off in search of souvenirs and my dad and I went in and out of casinos to cool off and get some beverages. While at the Frontier, we saw that they have mud wrestling on Wednesday nights and bikini bull riding Friday and Saturday nights at Gilley’s. We finally made it back to IP and went upstairs to rest our feet.

    A short while later AJ showed up and we headed south. We stopped in at Paris so AJ could get crepes at one of the eateries and I had to eat Lenotre. I had a bear claw and a raspberry mouse. They were outstanding as usual. AJ and my dad both had seafood crepes and AJ also got a bananas foster crepe. They said they were very good. We continued down the road and AJ again entered a T-shirt shop. While waiting outside for him to return, my dad and I were entertained by a couple of newlyweds. It looked like that guy’s trip report could be entitled, “I went to Vegas and married a crack whore!” His blushing bride had on this pink frilly outfit that when she managed to stand up strait barely covered her butt. She looked like a deranged flamingo, round body and skinny little bird legs. She tripped and fell over nothing in particular and then showed off her silver grandma panties to god and everyone while she tried to stand up. They stopped outside a tattoo parlor to get her cleaned up and she put the used paper towels into the base of one of those portable heaters apparently thinking it was a trash receptacle. We followed them down the street until they ducked into a restaurant in the new pedestrian mall by the Polo Towers for their “reception.”

    We finally arrived at the MB so I could pick up the Vegas Tax. But they did not have what I needed so the long walk was a waste. We went over to Luxor so AJ could see that and headed for the IP. On the way back we ran into the “Happy Couple” again. When we got to Paris the Bellagio fountains were going off so AJ got to see a partially obstructed view of that and we trudged on. When we got back to IP it was time for a quick break and a shower. My dad was shot and so we made arrangements to meet the next morning to catch a cab to the airport and left him to his own devices.

    AJ and I went to find a cab to Little Darlings. Cabs were impossible to find and we tired a couple different hotels but ended up back in line the IP. The idiots walking the streets were not letting cars into the driveway, so unless the cab had a fare to the IP, they were not bothering to pull in. Finally we got a cab and wormed our way around the city to our destination. The cover was $20, which included all the non-alcoholic beverages you could drink. We got a couple seats one row back and to the side. The ladies were not overly aggressive with solicitations for private dances. There was a lot of ink on the dancers, which did not do a lot for me personally. I was surprised at how many guys were there with women and how into it the female patrons were.

    One of the ladies struck my fancy so I gave the waitress a couple bucks and asked her to go get her. She found me later and we went into the backroom for three “bed dances” which turned into six. They were very good. When we walked out she said she had to find her girlfriend. Girlfriend?! She said yes she had been working with a girl earlier doing two on ones. I told her I wished she had mentioned that earlier and if she found her to look me up. Fifteen minutes later, they did. Then I committed the cardinal sin in the strip club… We stopped at the ATM. I know, I know, never stop at the ATM! But, I can say with confidence, it was worth every single penny!!!

    When I walked out of the back, AJ was gone and our seats had been taken. Apparently, he had found someone he liked and emerged from the back a few minutes later. We were tapped out and went out to catch a cab back. The cabbie asked if we were ready to go to a better club. We said no and he started telling us about all the clubs. After awhile I saw the meter was not running. I figured he was going to try something, so I mentioned it and he said oops and turned it on. We were back to the IP in no time.

    AJ and I wandered around the strip a bit more and eventually ended back up at the IP. AJ had brought some of Fidel’s finest with him so we sat down and enjoyed a good smoke. But the cocktail waitresses were nowhere to be found. We headed to the club in front of the IP, Tequila Joes. It was a hip-hop club with a couple raised platforms for dancers to get the crowd going. It was nearly four in the morning when I had the first (but not the last) Fuzzy Navel of the trip. It ended up being some hybrid Fuzzy/Screwdriver thing as the bartender put some Stoli in it. But it tasted good and had a bigger kick. There was a fairly decent woman standing next to me. Some guy was hitting on her and she leaned over and asked me for a save. I obliged and we stated to chat until he went away. I noticed she had her tongue pierced and commented on it. Her reply was, “It works great! You want a B------?” Alrighty then! I said it was a temping offer, but I would have to pass. But told her that she had just made my weekend complete. Finally, at almost five the club lights came on and AJ & I headed to the room. He was talking nonstop about the things he wants to do on his next trip! I left shortly before he did and cleaned up in my dad’s room before we headed to the airport. I was absolutely beat. For the first time in over a dozen trips, I was ready to go home. I swore I was going to need all 207 days of my countdown until I would be ready to return to paradise. (That feeling lasted until I woke up Monday.)

    As I sat waiting for my plane (and slipping in and out of consciousness), I heard the “false teeth and hearing aid message” from my last trip report on the PA again, so apparently it just a joke. But it still made me laugh! I hope you enjoyed. Typing the report helped me shake the cobwebs out and remember a few more details.

    Parting thoughts:
    - Even at 31, there are things I am too old for!
    - A lot of folks talked about the slow elevators at the IP. I had no problems with them until the last 24 hours or so.
    - The town was as packed as I had ever seen it.
    - I think I like going during the week better for that very reason.
    - The IP was nothing fancy, but did its job adequately. I would have been really mad had I spent a lot of money given my limited use of the room.

    [​IMG] T-205 [​IMG]
     
  2. Dougie

    Dougie I am IN!

    Joined:
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    Nice. Your will power just *kills* me.
     
  3. HurricaneMikey

    HurricaneMikey A-List Buffoon

    Joined:
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    Man, what a great trip report! [​IMG]

    It sure helped with my Tuesday afternoon drudgery at my desk. You're a lot more generous than me--I think I'd insist on some gropeage if some chick wanted to slurp outta my $16 drink.

    Mikey
     
  4. Habanaman13

    Habanaman13 Tourist

    Joined:
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    Will power...as detailed as these reports get, there are some things that stay in Vegas... [​IMG]

    I forgot one of the big items. We saw a pornslapper with a stack of their T-shirts for sale!

    I am glad you all enjoyed the report!

    [​IMG] T-205 [​IMG]
     
  5. doctor_al

    doctor_al VIP Whale

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    GREAT stories in there, habanaman, that was a fun read!
    [​IMG]
     
  6. Mia4071

    Mia4071 Tourist

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    Great report - Glad to see you guys had fun & survived!

    Reading this helped ease my mind. I am starting to think about how much sleep I am going to miss when I am there!!!
     
  7. Scott R

    Scott R Tourist

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    Had to read this part a second time.
    "She found me later and we went into the backroom for three “bed dances†which turned into six."
    I read it as "sex"
    Thanks for making me laugh.
     
  8. NEON

    NEON Tourist

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    DUDE!!!! That was me!!!!!!! [​IMG]

    Yes, my dear wife insisted that I dance with Goldie!!! I have to fill ya in more when I get my report written!
    the show was a blast and I wish I had known you were there, I would have bought you a beer and we could have reminisced about Otter Creek golf, Ankeny, etc....

    Great report! [​IMG]
     
  9. Habanaman13

    Habanaman13 Tourist

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    Neon,

    You were rockin' man! I wish I would have known too, you and your wife looked like you were having a blast. Sounds like there were a number of board members out there. I will have to post plans ahead and check next time.

    I can't wait for the report. Don't forget to include Goldie's credo, in yours. That was one of the many things that I missed in my report due to the haze still hanging in my head when I wrote it.

    [​IMG] T-204 [​IMG]
     
  10. doctor_al

    doctor_al VIP Whale

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    Had to know it was a T2V'er...
    [​IMG]
     
  11. sanonofresurfer

    sanonofresurfer Dude

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    IP and the bathroom that doesn't provide any privacy......I was there.....got walked in on...tried to share.....never got walked in on again....
    hehehehehehehehehehe

    I liked your report. I just got back and am still trying to decide to make it PG or PG-13...since I'm sure it'll get deleted if I include the full version......
     
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