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Funny Stuff From Billy Crystal's Book

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by Joe Strummer, Mar 27, 2014.

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  1. Joe Strummer

    Joe Strummer VIP Whale

    Apr 4, 2006
    "Keep Foolin' 'Em"
    I already read his "700 Sundays".
    This memoir is about his career.
    In no particular order :
    "City Slickers"
    #1..."Why the Met cap ?" : Because the Mets were nicer to him.
    The Yanks kinda blew him off....so he went with a Met cap.
    Nice product placement, eh ?
    #2...Daniel Stern was a last minute replacement for Rick Moranis.
    They didn't have time to teach Stern how to ride a horse.
    You can see it in a couple shots....he's bouncing up + down.
    They decided to leave it in the movie because it fit his character.
    #3....Billy sent Charles Bronson a script - he was first choice -
    for character "Curly".
    Billy answers the phone, one day, and a voice starts ranting
    "F--- you !.....F--- you !....I NEVER die in my movies ! ..F - You !..
    It's says right here on page 62....I die !....F-you !..." * CLICK *
    Billy mentions " Magnificent Seven ?...Hello ?...He dies !"
    Billy sees Bronson at the Oscars -- nods "hello" to Bronson --
    Bronson just gets up leaves.
    Of course, Billy felt great when Jack Palance won, with the role
    that Bronson turned down.
    #4....First Day on set....Jack Palance is being very diffilcult.
    Billy's wondering if he made a poor choice ?
    After a few days, Billy approaches Jack,( who has been much better ) -
    Billy says "What was going on that first day ?"
    Jack : "I always get nervous the first day."
    Billy : "With all the movies you've been in ?....How many movies ?"
    Jack : "Including the crap in Europe ?.....400."
    Billy : "Nervous, the first day ?"
    Jack : "I still get nervous the first day."
    Muhammed Ali refers to Billy - as "My little brother".
    Billy is "MC" at a Mickey Mantle tribute - Yankee Stadium.
    Among the guests he introduces is Joe DiMaggio.
    Afterward, in the stadium tunnels, Joe walks up to Billy -
    and punches him in the gut- hard !.....says "Greatest living ballplayer ! -
    Greatest living ballplayer,damn it !"
    ...Joe walks away....
    Billy didn't introduce Joe with those specific words ?
    "Willie Mays was better." Billy says.
    Mickey Mantle
    He's pretty much smashed every time Billy sees him.
    He flew Mantle up to Cooperstown HOF.
    Billy has lodgings at a retired doctor's B+B.
    The doctor had cancer cut out of his neck + shoulder ( very visible.)
    The doctor picks up a smashed Mantle - drops him off to Billy -
    and takes his bags to the B+B.
    Billy asks "Mickey, where are your bags ?"
    Mickey :" Oh, 'SharkBite' has them."
    Billy : "SharkBite ?....why SharkBite ?"
    Mickey : "Anybody with that much flesh missin' -
    musta been bitten by a shark."
    ** Billy tries to explain to us readers that this is "lockerroom humor."
    "If a guy has big ears ?...his nickname is 'Rabbit'.....
    if a guy has a big nose ?...he's called " The Schnozz".
    .....Okay ?....but it's still a "Cringe Moment".

    Lottsa funny stuff in this book.:wave:
  2. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

    Aug 15, 2013
    Southern Maryland by way of Philadelphia
    Trips to Las Vegas:
  3. Joe

    Joe VIP Whale

    Sep 11, 2009
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    Funny stuff, indeed!:thumbsup:
    Our 36th anniversary, an Oct tradition
  4. LV_Bound

    LV_Bound VIP Whale

    Nov 17, 2010
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    Never associated the word "funny" with Billy Crystal. :eek:
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