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Ending a friendship.. advice maybe?!

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by sporty8705, Jul 23, 2014.

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  1. sporty8705

    sporty8705 VIP Whale

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    I have been friends with my friend for 15 years. We are both females, both in our mid 20's. We are friends on Facebook, both have kids, etc.
    She came down this weekend from Oregon and her and I and another friend (a man) all went out to dinner, then a movie. It was supposed to be just friends going out together.
    At dinner the two of them had nothing but sexual innuendos across the table and talked about what they were going to do to each other after the dinner/movie.
    After dinner we went to the mall before the movie, and another friend (a woman) joined us. We walked around the mall, going into shops, the "frisky" ones kept ducking into the hallways, making out in the middle of the mall, etc.
    When we actually got to the theatre, the "frisky" ones had their hands in each others crotches, down the pants, etc.
    I felt disgusted, and embarrassed.

    I feel like she has changed, and who doesn't change, but at 27 I feel like she is someone I do not want to associate with.
    I do not drink, or smoke, or f***k everything that walks that I can get my hands on. I also do not stay out all night long and have someone else watch my kids for me.
    I feel that she is completely opposite of who she was, and I had no clue she was like this when we have talked online.
    My last straw of disgust was when she asked me to join their threesome, and when she kept talking about how "last weekend" she was out, drank until she couldn't remember anything, and then drove home and remembers nothing about how many people she slept with or how she got home.

    I may sound judgmental but at 27, if you choose to have kids you should be responsible for them, and not party every night or drink until you can't remember and sleep with anyone and everyone..

    I am wondering if me thinking that we shouldn't be friends anymore is a stupid decision. I mean I feel like we have nothing in common anymore and I think that she isn't being very responsible.
     
  2. tringlomane

    tringlomane STP Addicted Beer Snob

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    Considering the physical distance between you two, I would probably just take the passive approach...just ignore her more and more. I'm not much for confrontation though. :eek:
     
  3. Backagain1

    Backagain1 High-Roller

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    What an experience. How do you plan to break off this friendship? Could it be a phase? She doesn't live with you so why not write it off and keep her as a contact on FB? I understand you can add people to groups and monitor them that way, does she post unacceptable stuff on FB?
    I would say just keep your distance and leave it at that. Maybe she has just not matured yet. BTW, that is pretty nasty. :(
     
  4. sporty8705

    sporty8705 VIP Whale

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    No I was thinking maybe just ignore her more and more and not say anything but just "watch" her lol


    I was thinking just watch her FB and see what happens and keep my distance. I would think that maybe because she was married at 18, then chose to have 2 kids, and now is divorced, and has been for 3 years, that would be the issue, but it was gross. And yea she prolly won't be down for another few years , but i feel like shes too old for this.. oh well.. I wanted to see if others thought it was gross, stupid and to just sit back and watch her. and no she doesn't post it on FB, thats why I had no idea.
     
  5. wellmel

    wellmel Low-Roller

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    You become influenced by the people you surround yourself whether you like it or not, so you have to choose your friends wisely - in my opinion. So I support you dropping her as a friend.

    I too would be incredibly disgusted at that behavior if it was done in front of me.
     
  6. tringlomane

    tringlomane STP Addicted Beer Snob

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    Well, sounds like some of her issue is she didn't get to go through this phase at the more appropriate age of 18. Maybe by next "trip" she might be more mellow. No guarantees though. My older brother's fiancee is 42 and she still tries to act like she is 22 most weekends.

    I would think most would be. It sounded like they were way over the top.
     
  7. RockyBalboa

    RockyBalboa VIP Whale

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    What Tringlo and Wellmel said I agree with.

    The distance will help ease your friendship apart. Just roll back the e-mails and messages and she'll become consumed by her environment and the separation will be natural. That also protects you in the future if she smartens up and leaves her irresponsible streak behind. She could come back and say "ya know I was an idiot but I've cleaned myself up...etc".

    If she mentions you not speaking as much then you can be straight with her. Always be honest and don't BS someone. Especially with something like this. Because your conversation could be the eye opener she needs, if it comes to that. You tell her that you didn't much care for the way she carried herself and whatever else...

    Confrontation breeds clarity (if it comes time to confront her).
     
  8. ken2v

    ken2v This Space For Rent

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    And what exactly is wrong with a threesome????

    Always good to seek out advice, and I might add have you asked people who might actually know you as more than a pseudonym on a chat board? Only you know the true nature of what you are feeling and how it truly hits you. Only you know how important this person is in your life, was, or might be. If you need to get away, then get away and do it pronto. You can start with the passive separation, but this could be bugging you to the degree that you can only get it resolved or behind you by going in through the front door. None of us can really tell which is the proper approach.
     
  9. Backagain1

    Backagain1 High-Roller

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    I love your last line... Confrontation breeds clarity.
     
  10. sporty8705

    sporty8705 VIP Whale

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    I did say to her that night numerous times, this kind of behavior is not OK seeing as you have two little girls at home well i guess at 6,8 they are not SO little, and this sends them the wrong message that mommy would rather be out with friends all the time than us, and I do not think crotch rubbing is ok in public and you should not go home and sleep with him and all she said was well it is my life,and I will be fucking him later. well ok then
     
  11. RockyBalboa

    RockyBalboa VIP Whale

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    My boss said this to me years ago and it is really true. Since then I have adopted that as one of my "things to live by".

    But the word confrontation doesn't have any mean spirited connotations in this instance. Something as simple as a even well laid out conversation or sitting down in the bosses office and laying out why something isn't working and why will put that situation into the forefront and it will get addressed in some fashion.
     
  12. Backagain1

    Backagain1 High-Roller

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    It made sense and came across appropriately. I love it.
     
  13. Auggie

    Auggie Dovahkiin

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    I think you are putting too much thought in to it. People grow, people change... nobody is going to be the same person they were 15 years ago, you say your friend isn't and its likely you aren't either.

    Unless she is your only friend or you are in competition with somebody over how many people you can call a friend I can't see why you wouldn't just write her off and move on.

    A friend should be somebody who you like, who you enjoy being with, who you want to spend time with... basically, somebody who you would want to call a friend.

    And in this case I wouldn't go and call her or text her or tell her that you don't want to be her friend anymore, instead just move on and if she calls or emails and you feel like talking to her then reply, if you don't then don't reply or say you are busy and will get back to her.
     
  14. Kickin

    Kickin Flea

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    Yes it is probably a stupid decision. Phasing out old friendships is easy, keeping them together is harder. Especially as people get older, careers and family move them, etc.

    You've been friends since childhood and she's acting like an idiot and being irresponsible, so tell her. That's just being a good friend. Maybe she won't change and you'll drift apart, but since she had kids young maybe she's going through a phase that people usually go through at a younger age and one day when you're older you'll both look back laugh about these days when she went off the chain.
     
  15. RockyBalboa

    RockyBalboa VIP Whale

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    Good points by you and Auggie...time will pull most apart.

    I'm sure we all have friends from high school or college who we thought we'd always be tight with and then life happens. Some of my best and most memorable years were spent renting a house with three good friends. Us four and the extended group of several more were inseparable. And then we all moved or got jobs and now I have minor contact with a couple, limited contact with others and only one with whom I talk and still hang out with on the regular.
     
  16. broncofn

    broncofn VIP Whale

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    I love your second and third sentences!
     
  17. Someone

    Someone High-Roller

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    the USA is in DESPERATE NEED of more people with judgement like you

    since you do not live close by just move on as others have suggested......don't make more plans with her and she will fade away probably quickly

    your friend is desperate for true companionship and has no idea how to find it or maintain it and probably never will she sounds like she is in for many years of short term flings that make her happy for an few hours, days or weeks and then leave her feeling more alone and needy

    unfortunately for her kids they are just another tool in that whole mess they provide the unconditional love for her to fall back to when all else abandons her after getting their jollies in the mall service hallway from her and dumping her for the next hookup.........your friend should have gotten a dog or a cat instead of breeding sadly she has already bred

    it is nice to know that you sound like you are headed down a completely different path in your life and as a parent
     
  18. sconnie

    sconnie Downtown Kinda Guy

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    Agree 100%. Being in the midst of a "break up" with my best guy friend of about 20 years,(the issue is coming from his wife, not my wife and I) don't push the separation. If you're meant to be friends any longer, you will be. If not, you'll drift apart.

    JW
     
    Make Up Trip With My Wife
  19. dfalk

    dfalk VIP Whale

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    I want to party with this "friend" for a weekend, then I want to quickly get rid of her before Sunday morning.
     
  20. Nick61

    Nick61 High-Roller

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    You got her phone number-lol?
     
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