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Destination Weddings

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by hammie, May 27, 2012.

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  1. hammie

    hammie VIP Whale

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    Destination Weddings.....am I the only living fossil on this board who can't get his arms around this concept? Yes, for a second marriage. Yes, for a couple with extended family members across the fruited plain. But for a couple with 90% of family and friends within a 50 mile radius? WTF!!!

    Is this concept more in vogue because of our adoration of celebrity? Is it the MTV generation? Is it because of being selfish? Does a couple figure this is the best return on the investment?

    I am invited to the wedding of a family member in Jamaica, I can afford to attend, but why should I do so? I will have to take time from work, it would be too expensive for my kids to attend, and my spouse will need to draw valuable vacation time. I don't care for the emotional extortion waged upon me and having vacation plans made for me.

    Wouldn't it be easier to have the wedding locally so more could attend one of the most important events in one's life? This couple plans on having a local reception a few weeks afterwards.

    Having a destination wedding, IMHO, is just another example being selfish.
     
  2. JWBlue

    JWBlue VIP Whale

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    You seem to be doubting that fact.

    Why? You are 100% right.

    Expecting others to fly a long distance and spend a lot of money to go to a wedding is 100% selfish.
     
  3. Tellafriend

    Tellafriend High-Roller

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    Good query. My thoughts are that intrinsically, destiantion weddings are not a bad thing. However, unless the couple is comping airfare and/or rooms, then its truly an optional weekend that should upset no one if folks don't attend.
     
  4. leo21

    leo21 VIP Whale

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    I think one of the reasons for a destination wedding when your family is nearby is to have a smaller wedding without hurting feelings. A destination wedding is a way to manufacture impediments for people to attend. The alternative would be to do it at home and have a bigger wedding than you may want or eloping. I started going out of town for my birthday for similar reasons. I love my family, I really do, but my birthday is my time and some family members try to co-opt it and make it about them.
     
  5. KellyLovesVegas

    KellyLovesVegas certified personal trainer/retired space nerd

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    Fundamentally a wedding is about the two people who are getting married. The decisions and choices they make pertaining to their wedding are their choices. The wedding doesn't belong to the aunts, uncles, young children, or assorted other relatives. It belongs to the couple.

    Perhaps it is best that you don't attend. It almost sounds as if you resent the fact that this relative had the nerve to schedule a wedding that poses an incovenience to you. One should never feel obligated or "coerced" to attend an event, just send your kind regrets in a timely manner.
     
  6. raraavis

    raraavis VIP Whale

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    weddings in general are selfish events if you think about it. it isn't about you, it's about the couple. if you don't think your family or friends are worth a trip for a momentous event like a wedding, then you should rethink your relationship with them. people that are important in my life didn't bat an eye about traveling for my wedding.

    i am having a destination wedding in vegas (and nope, we are not paying for any of the guests' travel expenses...well except for our parents, we're covering that). my fiance's family is here in jersey/nyc, and my family is in michigan. having it in michigan was problematic for his family since no one wanted to travel to michigan. and having it in jersey was problematic for my family since believe it or not, the jersey wedding will cost more for them than a vegas one. plus, guests are counting this excursion as a vacation where they happen to go to a wedding. i could see having a destination wedding in a place where there is nothing to do kinda pointless. but having a destination wedding in a great place like vegas or jamaica or even a florida beach is a great vacation idea. everyone on our guest list is super excited that they get to travel to vegas instead of to michigan or even to jersey. we actually have to cut our guest list down because more people wanted to go than we thought would want to. we thought a destination wedding would cut down our guest list on its own simply because people wouldn't be able to travel for our wedding. boy were we wrong! we have given people over 1.5 years notice too, so there is no excuse about expenses. even before we officially became engaged, all of his friends begged me to convince my fiance to have it in vegas.

    i knew someone getting married in fiji. there was no way i could afford that. i didn't think it was selfish of them to have a wedding there. fiji held significance to them as a couple. but i was honest up front and told them i couldn't go. they understood. people that plan destination weddings don't do it to put a burden on their guests.

    i do understand your point about everyone being in a 50 mile radius. i would love for both of our families to be close by. we would definitely have a local wedding. but since everyone would have to travel anyway, we figured we would make it a worthwhile trip by having it in vegas :thumbsup:
     
  7. hammie

    hammie VIP Whale

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    I believe leo21 nailed it. Family dynamics, as they are, parents of the bride are a mess, parents of the groom are divorced, easier to get hitched in the company of 25 or so, 900 miles from home, then have a reception back home for those who could not afford to attend the destination.

    I am a fossil, I thought the purpose of a wedding ceremony was to declare to one and all, in the company of clergy (if you are inclined) your intentions to become one. It is a celebration best shared by many, not just the ones who can afford a plane ticket. But now it has become just another selfish act to be shared by the few who succumb to the extortion.

    I thought I was fairly broad minded about things, smoke 'em if you got 'em, live and let live, and so on....but this development is rockin' my world.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2012
  8. HoyaHeel

    HoyaHeel Grammar Police & Admin

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    I don't think in my entire adult wedding-attending career I've ever attended a wedding in my "hometown" (once in the town where I lived, I think). Since my family and friends, high school roommates and college roommates live all over the world, every wedding I've attended has been a "destination" for me. If I couldn't afford (or wasn't interested) to attend, I sent regrets and a gift if the friendship warranted one. No hurt feelings on anyone's part.

    I think the reality is more than a bride and groom being selfish. It's that a few new generations of people don't stay in the same place their entire lives.....
     
  9. raraavis

    raraavis VIP Whale

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    weddings mean different things to different people. i don't see any extortion in the event. if people can't afford to come to my wedding, then that's fine. the people i really care about are coming, so it doesn't matter if a distant relative who i've never met can make it. we actually are having two separate parties for friends/family who won't be able to go to vegas: one in michigan and one in jersey.

    and we're not religious, so the clergy really has nothing to do with it. we've already declared our love to everyone who is important in our lives. a wedding for us is really just an intimate get together celebrating that love. it's a celebration for those we want to come to the wedding. if any one of my friends or family told me they would come but couldn't afford it, i would work with them. in fact, i am helping out with several family members and friends already. if you are important in my life, i will find a way for you to attend my wedding. i would say that makes me pretty selfless. but you sound like a pretty harsh critic of weddings, so i am sure you still think i am selfish for having a wedding in a city i love.

    also, i think you misunderstood me when i said weddings are selfish in general. i wasn't saying they are selfish in a negative way. i think it's perfectly ok to be selfish at your own wedding. guests expect that (and no, i am not talking about being a bridezilla!). and maybe that is a generational thing, but everyone i know always says "hey, it's their wedding. they can do what they want." :peace:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2012
  10. ken2v

    ken2v This Space For Rent

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    I have no problem whatsoever with a "destination" wedding. A wedding is about two people starting out life together as they deem most appropriate. But if they chose to go away, they need to be 100% cool with the absence of those who can't or won't make the trip.
     
  11. Joe

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    Our wedding, almost 31 years ago, we were just going to go to Vegas and get married. My brother and SIL convinced us to have the wedding at their house. Only close family invited and a Judge.

    So wedding is over and my brother says, you want to invite some friends over for drinks?

    We did and about 6 showed up and the party went way too late. Had to drive in a drunken state almost 30 miles to the hotel in downtown Milwaukee that we had reserved.

    Terrible judgement that night on driving, but all 6 of the people who showed up, followed us.:beer: Spent another couple of hours at the hotel bar.:beer: I wish I could remember what the bridal suite looked like.:evillaugh

    So to each his own.:peace:
     
    Christmas
  12. raraavis

    raraavis VIP Whale

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    that sounds like fun joe (glad you and your party made it safely to the hotel)! my fiance and i have been house hunting but won't have a house in time for our planned wedding date. if we had a house with a big enough yard, we were ok with just having a wedding there.
     
  13. leo21

    leo21 VIP Whale

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    Yeah, we both come from a time when weddings weren't supposed the cost the amount of a car, though, too. Some of the excessive wedding costs are driven solely by ego but some of it is peer pressure, too. Heaven help you if you don't have an open bar! Some destinations weddings give the couple a chance to have a notable wedding without at a lower cost to them. But it's clear that all don't really consider the cost to the guest and don't have the grace to handle keeping people involved who are unable to make the trip.
     
  14. KellyLovesVegas

    KellyLovesVegas certified personal trainer/retired space nerd

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    I don't think it's necessarily a generational thing. That's the way I feel about weddings and I'm old enough to be your mom :)
     
  15. raraavis

    raraavis VIP Whale

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    well i was suggesting it was generational because the op said he was a fossil; i was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

    and is that you in your profile pic? you don't look much older than me! :)
     
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  16. KellyLovesVegas

    KellyLovesVegas certified personal trainer/retired space nerd

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    Thank you :)
    Yes, it's me. I was 49 in this pic from Halloween 2009.
     
  17. raraavis

    raraavis VIP Whale

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    ah ok, well you got me there :eek:. if we were standing next to each other, people might think we're sisters and not mother/daughter since i don't think you look much older than i do! :beer:
     
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