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Dealing with a "borrower"

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by captainron62, Aug 19, 2012.

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  1. captainron62

    captainron62 VIP Whale

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    How do you deal with that friend/neighbor that is continually asking to "borrow" things? I have a neighbor and casual friend we will call "Matt" he is famous in our extended friend group for his continual calls to borrow things. I live a few doors down from him so I am his favorite target. Here is a sample list:

    *More tools that I can reacall, I always said yes.

    * My ATV, always said yes.

    * My boat small boat, said yes.

    * My big boat, ignored.

    * My truck, said yes.

    * My Harley, said hell no!

    A couple years ago the annual neighborhood garage sale was going on. I decided to sell a microwave and an old refrigerator that had been taking up garage space. He comes down the night before, asks to what I want for them, I tell him, he says he wants to buy and takes them, never returns with the $$$.

    He falls on hard times, leaves his wife. I give him a spare bedroom suit I had that, I knew I would never see the $$$. Told him just buy me a few beers or wings when you see me at the local pub. Never happens.

    This year, I decided enough is enough, he asks a couple months ago to borrow my new truck I just bought. I make up a lame excuse.

    Two weeks ago asks to borrow my ATV, I tell him I am storing it at my Dads two hours away, which is true.

    Yesterday asks to borrow my riding mower, I ignore the text originally. He sends another about 4 hours later. I tell him I am getting ready to do some maintenance on it, so its not available. He doesnt even reply, maybe he got the hint.

    I have worked hard like most of us to get nice things, I try to take care of them. He was one of the guys who in the fast and free late 90's and 2000's kept sucking the equity out of his house, overspent, bought a boat he couldnt afford (just to have one bigger than anyones elses) etc. etc. He is now flat broke, all his stuff has been repo'ed, house is being foreclosed on and I have just had enough.

    I am trying to think of a tactful way to just say the constant request for borrowing is getting old. One of the other neighbors told me he had to tell him he was "favored out", so I cant use that one! Ha!

    Oh, and the only times I have heard from his all summer is to borrow things.


    Really needed to get that out!!
     
  2. HoyaHeel

    HoyaHeel Grammar Police & Admin

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    My husband owns a manufacturing company and, with his parents, about 45 rental houses. They have oodles of tools & "boy toys" that people constantly ask to borrow. He just says "no". His dad in the past had lent out some items and things were broken or dented (lots of people don't know how to drive a truck with a trailer on it, go figure:rolleyes2:) So now that my in-laws are mostly retired, my husband has a "just say no" policy, all the time. On occasion, if it's a good friend, he might be willing to help on a project and bring the requested tool with him, but I can only think of a couple of occasions where that's been the case, and as I said - that's been good friends who have reciprocated their help when we needed them.

    There's nothing wrong with saying no. I'm fundamentally a selfish person, so it's easy for me. I will offer my advice, I will search around and help you find a cheap rental store or place to buy something (craigslist etc) but Miss Manners and Dear Abby never told me I had to give you whatever you want, just because you ask for it:Þ

    Good luck!
     
  3. Ron in SC

    Ron in SC Tourist

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    Just have to learn to tell him NO. A guy I work with is always asking everybody to borrow money from $1 to $10. This goes on everyday. He never pays anybody back or offers to buy a soda or lunch in return. Me and a couple of other guys got tired of it quick and started telling him no. Only took a few times and he leaves us alone. He has not asked for money from me in about 6 months.
     
  4. zamboni

    zamboni VIP Whale

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    Kosmo Kramer your neighbor?
     
    Super Bowl 2017!!!!
    Super Bowl 2017!!!
  5. KellyLovesVegas

    KellyLovesVegas certified personal trainer/retired space nerd

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    Clearly you are a very nice, tolerant person. However, this guy isn't your friend and you don't owe him any courtesy or civility. This guy is a user and he deserves to be treated as such. There is no reason to reply to his texts or answer his calls - since you know all he is going to do is ask to borrow something. It isn't your responsiblity to provide him with all the comforts he had before his poor judgment caused him to lose everything.

    If he needs a truck (or tools, etc), he can rent it from Ryder.
     
  6. ACgambler

    ACgambler Low-Roller

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    Tough one Capt., but if you only hear from him when he needs to borrow something then not really much of a friendship huh? Maybe time for some tough love. He'll never learn if people keep him afloat.
     
  7. C0usineddie

    C0usineddie VIP Whale

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    Just say no. you wdont have to be a jerk about it or make him feel stupid, just say no and thats that.

    You know man, the borrowing thing isnt working out so lets just not do it anymore. he knows he doesnt return anything and is over extending himself with you.

    if he acts hurt its just that, an act.
     
  8. Chuck2009x

    Chuck2009x VIP Whale

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    Deduct from his Express Comps.
     
  9. blackjacknut

    blackjacknut VIP Whale

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    I have a family member (cousin) who does the same thing....I tried to help him out a first because of his situation. I just ended up telling him no, he had the nerve to ask me why. I explained him he doesn't pay me back and doesn't return things and I felt he was taking advantage of me. He went on his way and unfortunately he chose not to talk to me anymore...oh well, that was his choice. I don't mind helping out but when I'm taken advantage of...that is when I put the brakes on. Be frank and upfront with him...leave no room open for interpretation, period.
     
  10. merlin

    merlin VIP Whale

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    What is wrong with you, a guy takes your microwave and fridge and says he'll be back with the money, and never returns...and you do nothing?

    You said he lives just down the street, why didnt you walk right down there and get the money or bring them back?

    And now you say you are looking for a tactful way to discourage him, why tact? Tact wont work with guys like him, he knows what he's doing and thinks you're a sap.

    You need to just calmly look him in the eye and say that you need the money for this, that, that , and that, like he promised, and you need it now.
     
  11. mdee

    mdee VIP Whale

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    Time for some Tough Love!!!!

    I agree with the others. This guy doesn't respect you.
    It's a game for him to see what he can get off of you.

    It's time to - Scrape him off!
    It's like pulling off a band-aid it only hurts for a second!

    Bad Karma is why he has lost everything.
     
  12. BlueSkadoo

    BlueSkadoo VMB Sweetheart

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    I understand how you feel, Cap. Sometimes I think they seek people like us out. I have a work colleague, who while not asking for material stuff, will make unreasonable requests for help in other ways. It started off small, like asking for rides when we were going similar places or to join some exercise class she was interested in, but soon escalated to taking her teenage son to karate class, feeding her animals or spending a week living at her house, taking care of her 15 year old while she was out of town. Just like your "friend" she only talked to me when she wanted something. I asked her to take me to pick up a car in the shop and you would've thought I asked her to drive me to China!! I figured out she was a user, and it made sense why she had no friends. I just kept giving her lame excuses, and she harassed me for a while, and she's recently just stopped talking to me. It's tough because we work in the same organization. Now when she sees me, she goes out of her way to get right beside me and make wisecracks at my expense. I just continue to ignore her.
     
  13. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

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    It is sooo easy for me to say, "NO"!

    When people ask me for a money loan.... I just say, "Sorry, I can't help you."
    They all know I do have money but it is my money that I worked hard for it and I do give money away but never loans because I know they can't pay it back most of the time. Why bother.

    Whenever my relatives ask for a loan for something important like having their teeth fixed. I give them the money as a gift to pay for them.
    I am also willing to give them money to have their car fixed if it should break-down. These relatives are the ones who save their money and spend it wisely. The ones that throw their money away on frivilous things I don't
    give them a penny.

    My relatives and friends have learned not to ask me for loans or favors.

    I do have a few friendships in my condo complex where we do help eachother with food items. We give and take 50-50%. We share the foods we cook, we share our pastries, and if we need something like a band-aid we are ready to give it to them. It is fun doing that with eachother. Lucy
     
  14. smartone

    smartone VIP Whale

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    Bingo!!! Sounds like he contributes nothing to the "relationship"... and by contribute, I don't just mean "stuff", but friendship, laughs, whatever... he's just a taker. I have no room in my life for takers, once I identify 'em I move on. You'll feel better if you tell him as one of the other posters said, "this borrowing thing doesn't work for me anymore..."
     
  15. LV_Bound

    LV_Bound VIP Whale

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    It is simple.
    Be kind and explain why you no longer want to lend him anything and the cost you have incurred and promises he has yet to fulfill.

    If he is truly your friend he will understand.
    If he gets angry and leaves, well, you didn't really lose a friend but yet solved a problem.
     
  16. ABQJeff

    ABQJeff Low-Roller

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    I've found the best way to deal with this is to look the person square in the eye (this is important) and simply say "no". No explanation. If asked again, repeat with "I'm sorry, but no".
     
  17. user3657

    user3657 High-Roller

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    you just have to say no. i was always Wheeling and dealin when I was younger....so I always had a few bucks and i came off as a nice guy which made me a target. I never ever loaned anything out. Unless it was my sister who always asked for a few bucks.:thumbsup:

    keep in mind this is just part of people's personality. When stop loaning, he'll just move on and find a new target. no harm done.
     
  18. Username

    Username VIP Whale

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    I had a friend I did a TON of favors for......and I mean a TON........so I need a favor in return....nothing much.......just a few minutes loading some stuff in my truck but I need it done before dark.......he couldn't because he had to drop off his daughter at the airport.....when I heard what time I said come after you drop her off.....his response was he and his wife wanted to wait until the plane took off to wave goodbye.....I said, you can't get past the security area and you don't know what plane is taking off at any one time.......the was the last straw as far as favors for him.........now I don't make myself available to him, he longer calls..... :)
     
  19. VegasGroove

    VegasGroove VIP Whale

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    Giddy-up!
     
  20. jerseyguy

    jerseyguy VIP Whale

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    Guys a real "Mooch"

    The old saying.."Screw me once,shame on you,twice shame on me" .Cut this guy off and concetrate on your real friends.
     
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