Nostradamus, move over: Here is the report from my October trip that has not yet happened. Part wishful thinking, part pessimism based on previous experience, all anticipation. I will update after we return. Part I: SATURDAY 1. On time early evening departure from ORD. 2. Smooth flight and (more importantly) the elusive but essential pre-Vegas nap. Important given likely minimal sleep time in Vegas, but complicated by constant adrenaline rush at being on plane to Vegas. 3. Reasonably efficient deplaning and airport navigation. I cannot possibly match the perfect storm of my 2010 trip, when from the jetway to the backseat of the cab I NEVER STOPPED MOVING (thanks to hopping on the airport tram just as the doors were closing and finding NO LINE at the cab stand) – but I’ll gladly settle for consistent forward progress. 4. Short cab line at McCarran. No worries here, because it’ll be 8:30 on a Saturday night. Who needs a cab in Vegas at that hour? 5. No long haul attempted. I will use my stentorian tones (or “big boy voice”) to command the driver to take Tropicana and NO TUNNEL. 6. Short check-in line at Monte Carlo. Complication-free acquisition of MyVegas comped room. 7. Figure out where the rest of my crew is. Hopefully they have anticipated my arrival and set up shop somewhere nearby and easily walkable. Last year at this point we were at Circus Circus, which meets neither criterion and also fails the “Provide a Logical Explanation For How You Ended Up There” test. 8. Tearful reunion. After all, I won’t have seen these guys since YESTERDAY at work, and won’t have texted or called any of them for perhaps a QUARTER OF AN HOUR. 9. Join in volatile, idiotic table games with crew. “House Edge Be Damned, 3 Card Poker Is A Game Of Skill” is our motto for this portion of the evening. 10. Realize that 3 Card Poker is less a game of skill and more a heartless minx bent on our fiscal and psychological destruction. Switch to VP and Bud Light. 11. Get a quad on the first night. Hell, get several. Hope I am not so bleary-eyed that I’m seeing, and holding, cards that do not technically exist, such as “P,” 13,” and the “Blob of Red” suit. 12. Get to bed. Hopefully my own.