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Buffoons in Paradise

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by LV Terry, Oct 27, 2004.

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  1. LV Terry

    LV Terry Captain Flop'N Fold

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Santa Barbara, CA, USA

    My Trip Report

    Day 1: Let the Buffoonery begin.

    We are on the road before dawn…on our way to pick up The Rookie, who at this point does not know he is going….his wife has arranged everything at work, packed his bag and his clubs, and put aside spending money…what a woman.

    We arrive at The Rookie’s house at 6:45am….his wife lets us in on the sly, and six of us stroll into the dark living room to spot our victim sitting on the couch, watching CNN and drinking coffee… he looks up with that “what the hell is this all about†look on his face…it only takes a few seconds before he understands that this is a hostage situation, and he has two minutes to get a shower and get dressed. Perfect. Wife is stoked, we all head out to load up his gear. The wife tells him what’s going while he is in the shower… one must assume he thanked her properly.

    We are back on the road by 7am. Sweet. For the first time ever, I am not driving on this trip, which is a nice change. We make excellent time, and are at the LVC around noon. My buddy has scored us Casino Rates, which is nice, but I notice that they’re putting us in the South Tower…. A little chit chat with the girl at the desk gets us bumped to an MVP room in the North Tower, at the same rate…very cool. When we get to the room, I’m giggling because I scored us a “Suite†at the LVC…my buddy doesn’t understand why that’s funny, but I know my friends at T2V will. Livin’ Large baby. We get our stuff put away, and crack a couple of ice cold beers out of the ice chest (Sam Adams Octoberfest for the detail oriented)…we are officially in Vegas.

    We all meet up (six of us…small group this year) downstairs, and head over to the Golden Gate for some lunch…had a turkey sandwich, as I knew where we were headed next, and I just couldn’t do that with shrimp breath. That’s right…. The Gulch. We were in town for less than an hour, and we were gettin’ the Rookie a lap dance. Two of the guys head over to the poker tables at the Plaza. Upside to the Gulch at 1pm…the beer is actually cold. Downside, there were probably….five girls working. So what… we’re in Vegas on a Thursday afternoon drinking beer and looking at naked girls…this is not something to complain about.

    After a while it’s off to play some blackjack. The four of us play for four or five hours, and have a great time….much laughter and story telling, no big wins or losses. We decide to hit the showers, change, meet the other two, and head out for the evening. First stop: Hofbrauhaus. Aww yeah. They did a great job with this place. We get a table in the Beer Garden, and order some rather large beers and various dishes of very good German food. Perfect. After dinner a girl comes up to the table carrying a large basket of fresh pretzels….some as big as your head. We explain that we just ate, and are almost done with our giant beers, and simply have no room. I then realize that pretzel girl does not really care about selling pretzels…she works for tips! She has put up with our buffoonery and been fun, so I hand her a couple of dollars, which she is happy to see, and playfully lodges in her cleavage…nice….the Rookie gives her a couple, she stuffs them in there and kind of jumps up and down in her St. Paulie Girl uniform…we all agree that pretzel girl is very jiggly, and we like her. We ask for comment cards and everyone fills them out for her and our waitress. Time to go. We decide to walk over to the Hard Rock. It is cold as hell, and sprinkling on us. I am making a semi drunk call home as my boys are laying into me for being the only one wearing shorts, when I was the one who sent an email about possible bad weather… I love those guys.

    We get to the Hard Rock, grab some cold beers and start taking the tour of all the cool stuff they have lining the walls. At this point, please allow me to say that in my opinion, the Hard Rock has the Best cocktail waitress outfits Ever. We cruise around, get another beer, check out the Hard Rock store, which has a ton of cool stuff, and then decide that’s it’s time to go. My buddy gives me the look, and I know what he’s got in mind…the two poker players also see the look, and want no part of it. See-ya tomorrow, we’re taking the Rookie to Cheetah’s, baby! On the way out we pass a doorway with a velvet rope in front of it, and the largest individual I have ever seen standing in front of it. Understand that the Rookie and I are both six-four-ish, and this guy towered over us…it also took about three strides to get from one side to the other of him….once we were out of earshot we all stopped and just went, “Damn!! That guy is Huge!!â€

    Off to Cheetah’s. Got the free cab ride, but gave our cab driver a fat tip for being a lot of fun. I guess I don’t need to describe in detail what we did for next few hours…let’s just say we spent a Lot of money….drank many buckets of iced down Corona’s, and did what boys do at a Strip Club. I love that place. Hit the road around 2am, and since I made late tee times this year, did Not have to hear “dude! We tee off in four hours!â€. Nice.

    Day 2: Angel Park

    Up for breakfast at 7am….feeling pretty crunchy. Call the other two golfers, but they are not in their room. We decide to stumble up to the restaurant in the LVC. Our buddies are already eating…we grunt at each other as we pass them to our table. After about ten minutes of no waitress, I blurt out to my buddy across the room, “I will give you $10 for that cup of coffee.. right nowâ€. No Sale. I hate that guy. We finally get some food and take off for Angel Park, for the first round of the trip.

    The Rookie’s wife is not the only one that packed his golf bag…one of the boys has brought along a gag, and stuffed it in with his shoes….this provides the first round of uncontrollable laughter of the day.

    [​IMG]

    The Rookie is now also referred to as Double D the rest of the trip (and quite possible the rest of his life). High Grade Buffoonery.

    As we’re waiting to pay, the counter guy tells the group in front us, “ok, that’s $145 eachâ€â€¦the Rookie’s eyes get big, and I give him the “don’t worry about it†look. The second counter guy helps us… I hand him my Angel Park card, and in a quiet voice he says, “ok, $55 eachâ€â€¦. The Rookie is dutifully impressed. Off to hit some balls, and then to the first tee. Oh yeah, along the way I load our carts with big morning screwdrivers… awww yeah. Oh yeah, I sent off for some golf tees as well…

    [​IMG]

    We are now good to go.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    I’ll skip the golfing details except to say that all the bets came down to the 17th hole, where my golf buddy and I both hit really good drives. I hit my approach to the center of the green. Golf Buddy drops his ball 18 inches from the hole, for a tap in birdie. Pay the Man.

    Back to the hotel. We tell those guys to come to our room after they shower and change, and we’ll have a couple of beers before going to dinner. Refreshed, we gather up the other two, and we’re off to the Main Street Station Buffet for the traditional Friday Night Dinner. Good as always. Played some poker at The Plaza with the boys after dinner, but I don’t really care for the vibe there….too many pensioners playing super tight with their social security checks. I decide to spend the rest of the night playing at The Nugget’s new poker room. Had a good time… won a few dollars (thirty-ish), but missed seeing my Boy hit a Royal Flush against a guy who had an Aces full boat….in addition to the Huge pot he won, there was a $500 bonus for high hand….awesome.

    Day 3: Back to AP

    Getting later tee times was sheer genius….of course the Golf Nazi was bitching about only getting in one round a day, but even he had to admit it was for the best…our other two buddies would not be up to the test.

    [​IMG]

    In this picture you can see the hats the Golf Nazi had made for us…they are emblazoned with the letters STFU….he figured we’d be able to save a lot of energy by just pointing to our hats, than yelling it at each other all day. We got a lot of mileage out of those hats. Oh yeah, after the drink girl took this picture, she stuffed my camera inside her shirt and fired off another one… didn’t turn out, but she got a fat tip anyway..hahahaha

    Another good day of golf…everyone played really well. The Rookie broke 100 for the first time ever, which is a big deal for every golfer. Golf Nazi shot 84, and I shot 83. Very fun day.

    Back to the hotel for the post golf routine….showers, clean clothes, cold beers in our room. After beer # 2, some a-hole starts talking politics. I decide that if I’m gonna be subjected to his leftist bullshit, I’m gonna need a Real drink, so I crack the Patron… I think you’re feelin’ me. Four shots and many beers later, we are Hammered, and in need of dinner. We head over to the Triple 7 Brew Pub at Main Street. The good news: they have good food, and food will sober us up a little. The bad news: they have beer!! We stumble out of there after a while and head out to the FSE, deciding a some fresh air might do us good. This is where the bicycle cops show up. Shit. I can’t resist. Had some laughs with the cops….all I remember is, “that’s not a shot-gun, that’s a tire pump!â€, and as we were leaving, “sorry man, no siren, no respectâ€. A few minutes later an ambulance flys by with sirens blaring…my buddy yells out, “now That’s how you get respect!!â€. Writing this, it strikes me how much funnier things are when you’re drunk… hahahahaa. We decide to shoot some pool upstairs at Jillians, which Also has beer! We do that for a while then head back. Now, Glitter Gulch is right next door to the LVC. Whoever was leading the pack took the wrong doorway, and we ended up in there instead of back at our rooms. Where’s the GPS when you need it.

    A word about the Gulch. We have had widely varying experiences there. After some visits, we swear we will never go back…in fact, that is what caused us to go to Cheetah’s for the first time. This year was one of the good years. The lap dance pressure was very low (we’ve been there when it’s so bad you just walk out), which made it fun. Being a dozen steps from our hotel has obvious benefits. And let’s face it, how often is a quick shot of cold beer, loud music, and nekid women a bad thing?

    Day 4: Raider Nation is not pleased

    We all meet at Jillians at the far end of the FSE. This is a great place to watch sports, eat, and drink. We watch the first half of the morning games while eating breakfast. Ordered a bloody mary, extra spicy, and you can damn betcha it was plenty spicy!! Nice.

    At halftime I’m getting sleepy, so I take off with one of my buddies to the Nugget poker room. Upside: poker, and they have flat screen tv’s on the walls. Downside: No dish, so only two games were on. Played pretty much all day. There was one guy at the end of the table…very nice, middle aged, professional looking…who saw every single flop…. I’m talking literally… every flop, all day. I saw him call down some crazy hands (like mucking after his opponent showed bottom pair), but then he also won some huge pots when his 57 turned into a boat or a flush. In fact, he is the one that finally busted me out. I had AJ of clubs in middle position. The flop comes A 8 2. He bets, I raise, he calls. The turn is a J… two pair for me. He checks, I bet, he calls. The river brings another 8. He bets into me. Sonofa…. Yep, his unsuited 5 8 pays off. Time to go.

    I head over to the LVC and play BJ for a few hours, finishing up down $25. Hook up with my golf buddies, and we decide to play the par 3 at Angel Park under the lights. We get there and have the course to ourselves. Lots of fun, especially on the Island green, where the rookie does not just miss the green and go into the water, but instead shanks one dead into the waterfall!! I will never forget that sound! He drops another ball, and snaps it onto the hillside left of the lake….throws down ball #3, and blades clear over the hole, into the darkness. That’s it Tin Cup, if you can’t even hit the Lake, it’s time to move on to the drop area. Oh yeah, I miss the island by about two feet, and make a huge splash….. I’m all about the comedy, baby. The other funny hole was when we get to the replica of #6 at Riviera, which has a bunker in the middle of the green….this completely dumbfounds double D. He just stands there, looking at it. “there’s a bunker in the middle of the green…†Tee off dude. “yes, but there’s a bunker….†Let’s go Smaels, while we’re young. “but…†You know damn well he put his ball in that bunker! Hahahaha

    It’s pretty surreal playing golf at night under the lights….kind of reminds me of playing football in high school. We decide we’re having too much fun to leave, so we hit the putting course. The putting course is real grass, with little bunkers, and even water… it’s like miniature golf for golfers… we had more fun there than we anticipated. A nice bonus was that we had free rounds at the par 3 and putting course on our Angel Park cards, so we didn’t have to pay anything for the whole night. Again, the Rookie is duly impressed. As it should be. heeheehee

    We head back to the LVC and grab the last of the cold beers out of the cooler. Out for a walk under the FSE (the new lights are noticeably better). It’s about midnight, so two of the guys opt to call it a night, since we’re leaving early in the morning….the Golf Nazi and I are eyeing the Gulch…the other two just laugh at us and walk off… we laugh at us too.. hahahaha Two beers only…out by one o’clock..nobody gets hurt. heehee We hold pretty true to that plan, and have a fun last evening.

    Final Thoughts:

    I love Vegas. End of final thoughts.
     
  2. Coaster Kikky

    Coaster Kikky Tourist

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    Ok, report card time ;)

    >>Less than two weeks until the October Vegas trip, and I’m starting to make mental lists of things I want to do, don’t want to do, and might be persuaded to do….

    Yes:

    Go to the top of the Strat….if some knucklehead wants to go on the rides, point to the Olympic Gardens, and challenge his Manliness.

    Nope... (at least it didn't make the TR)

    Drink beer out of giant glass steins at Hofbrauhaus

    Check

    Tip a cab driver too much, for playing along with our buffoonery

    Check

    Take some pictures… I have way too few, relative to the huge amount of fun I’ve had in Vegas

    Check (and a nice job of it too!)

    No:

    Hurricanes….I have taken a vow of Hurricane-celibacy until I can have one with the Hoyas.

    Check

    Staying up all night….I am purposely getting later tee times this year so I do not have to hear, “dude, we tee off in three hours….should we just stay up?â€

    Check (thank God, huh?)

    Drunkenly asking the bicycle cops patrolling the FSE if they get a car when they grow up

    Oops....

    Maybe:

    Show a woman my new “lucky dice chonies†(just a peek)

    Guess not this trip, huh?

    Smoke a good cigar….only done it once…hammered at NYNY… I think I liked it

    Nope.

    Looks like you need to go back! :-D

    Nice report, Terry! I can't wait for my next trip - 50 days and counting!
     
  3. Smarra17

    Smarra17 Poker Queen

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    Sounds like a great time. I was waiting for more details about the drinking, all I got was beer and Patron but all in all it sounds like an amazing time...if you are a golfer LOL! I did not understand most of the golf lingo but a great read as usual!
     
  4. ken2v

    ken2v This Space For Rent

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    LVT, WELL done! But as the resident Golf Nazi for my Vegas golf group ... you shoulda played 54. LOL
     
  5. HurricaneMikey

    HurricaneMikey A-List Buffoon

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    Did I ever tell you about the time I scored FOUR touchdowns in one game???

    Damn Terry--I've been waiting for this report and you did not disappoint, my friend. Well done. [​IMG]

    Told ya that the service at the Upper Deck sucks. One shouldn't have to pay $10 for a cup of coffee unless they're standing at a Starbucks. [​IMG] (Further evidence that one must have an adequate bankroll if they're slummin' around downtown... [​IMG] )


    Mikey

    [ October 27, 2004, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: HurricaneMikey ]
     
  6. RossW

    RossW North of the 49th

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    [​IMG] Nice [​IMG]

    That sums it up for me, you sure know how to put togethor a few days in Vegas, I must admit.

    Good Read, Good Trip, Good Pics

    RossW
     
  7. Jer

    Jer VIP Whale

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    Another winning TR Terry....

    In the words of Chevy Chase in Fletch, " God I admire you..."

    Glad you had fun in the Shithole! [​IMG]
     
  8. doctor_al

    doctor_al VIP Whale

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    Man that was fun to read. BTW, I can appreciate the Rookie's affinity for water hazards.
     
  9. Thekiller

    Thekiller Tourist

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    That's more like it! Non stop drinking, drunken golf, naked women, buffoon accessories, gambling, more drinking, parting gifts and sexual devices. Makes my trip report look like a boy scout field trip. [​IMG]
     
  10. Beach Crazy

    Beach Crazy Hostess With the Mostess

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    Nice report…Nice legs :D

    Patron ;)

    Thanks Terry [​IMG]
     
  11. DutchVegas

    DutchVegas Low-Roller

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    That cracked me up!!!!

    Nice tripreport Terry.
     
  12. milehiman

    milehiman VIP Whale

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    Great trip report Terry.

    I liked the tidbits about your golfing adventures that you included.
     
  13. LV Terry

    LV Terry Captain Flop'N Fold

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    Thanks everyone, for the kind words. It always prolongs and enhances a trip when I write it up...kind of makes you relive it, start to finish (of course you always remember a bunch of stuff after you're done).

    Thankyou all for being my Virtual Vegas Buddies, and letting me indulge my passion everyday at work.

    Hope everyone has a great day.

    T.
     
  14. KathyinNY

    KathyinNY Tourist

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    Great trip report. Seeing those pictures reminds me of my husband and his golf outing to Florida one year with the guys. I am just like the Rookie's wife - go and get out of here. That's probably why my hubby and I have been married for 17 years and going strong.

    Glad you all had a great time!
     
  15. -KorkedBatz-

    -KorkedBatz- Tourist

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    Great report!! Sounds like you guys had a great time...
     
  16. sin

    sin VIP Whale

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    Great report Terry! Looking forward to getting a lapdance or two while sitting in the nudie bar with ya!
     
  17. Dutchguy

    Dutchguy Low-Roller

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    The pefect guys trip! The Rookie's wife...someone should write a song about that women. I like going to Vegas with my wife but she knows I have alot more fun running with my pals. Hey, I've seen the doorman/bouncer at the HardRock. One of my friends is 6'7" and played football for Maryland and he looked tiny standing next to the doorman/bouncer. Nice report!
     
  18. enterpriser2151

    enterpriser2151 Tourist

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    Great trip report. That's the kind of stuff I'd like to for me and my buddies to do...drink, play, drink, see strippers, drink, pass around sex toys. :eek: I don't think it gets any better than that.
     
  19. sin

    sin VIP Whale

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    Terry excellent report! I congratulate you on much buffoonery and even though I was lost during the golf talk I assume you had a great time on the course too!
     
  20. yellfore99

    yellfore99 Tourist

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    Terry.....like Doc said, that was a fun trip report to read. Especially enjoyed the pics. Looked familiar.....gotta love those drink cart girls, they can be so accommodating! (That means put up with a lot of crap) Me and my buddies take a lot of golf trips but have never done one to Vegas. But after reading your report I think one is in the near future. Only one line from "Caddy Shack"??? [​IMG]

    [ October 30, 2004, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: yellfore99 ]
     
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