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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. wormhole

    wormhole Low-Roller

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    All the organs of the body were having a meeting trying to decide who was the one in charge.

    "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

    "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

    "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

    "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

    "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

    "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

    All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him,
    So in a huff, he shut down tight.
    Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache .
    The stomach was bloated,
    The legs got wobbly,
    The eyes got watery,
    And the blood was toxic.
    They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

    The Moral of the story?
    Even though the others do all the work..
    The ass hole is usually in charge.
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Classic!
     
  3. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Good one! I look forward to sharing this one with my doctor. And my boss...

    RICHARD
     
  4. spdandpwr

    spdandpwr Low-Roller

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    hahaaha I didn't see that one coming. Nice!
     
  5. Patrick

    Patrick Tourist

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    Here is a bad joke for the day. :)

    A Priest, A Rabbi, and a Pastor all walk into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have seen it!
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. Edserv

    Edserv Low-Roller

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    What did Spock find in the toilet?
    ...The Captain's Log
     
    • Like Like x 2
  7. mkhira2

    mkhira2 Tourist

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    A man walked into a butcher shop and asked the clerk "Can you reach that meat on the top shelf for me?"

    The clerk replied, "Sorry sir, the steaks are too high..."

    (better if told instead of read, but fun Vegas joke nonetheless)
     
  8. Multifarious5

    Multifarious5 High-Roller

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    That is terrible, but oh so true, and funny!!!! I'll be sharing this with my less uptight friends, good one :D
     
    Sooooo far away still...
    Cosmo, always our favorite part of our trip!
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. JJLV

    JJLV Low-Roller

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    Now the first joke is Good. As per Thread title, a bad joke....

    When you have a bladder infection...

    urine trouble. *drum rim shot*


    Okay then, how about this....

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra. <---- Now that's bad!
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. abraxis

    abraxis Low-Roller

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    What did batman say to Robin before they got into the batmobile?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    "Robin, get in the batmobile! "
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. mike mc

    mike mc High-Roller

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    What did the Grateful Dead fan say when he ran out of pot ?
    " Hey Man this music sucks"
     
    Just Click The Book It Button It's Easy
    • Funny Funny x 3
  12. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Knock, Knock!
    Who's There?
    Ima.
    Ima who?
    Im-a here-a to install-a your doorbell!

    (Joke courtesy of one of my honor roll students.)

    RICHARD
     
  13. Royal Flusher

    Royal Flusher Savvy Gambler

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    A horse walks into a bar.

    Bartender says, "Hey... why the long face?"
     
  14. Nevyn

    Nevyn VIP Whale

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    Based on upthread precedent, I am going to assume the following joke is ok.


    A man is late for work and is speeding along country roads to get there. As he crosses a bridge he passes a motorcycle cop holding a radar gun. The cop pulls him over, and takes his sweet time coming up to talk.

    "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
    "Yeah, I get it, I was speeding. Can I just get my ticket and go?"
    "What's the hurry? why were you speeding"
    "I'm late for work, and getting later by the second"

    The cop rolls his eyes.
    "And what is your job that is so important you need to speed to get there?"
    "I am an ass hole stretcher"
    "What the heck is that?"
    "Just what it sounds like. See we have this device you just ease in there. And then you just work slowly and expand it outwards, and it stretches the thing way out."
    "What? Really?"
    "Oh yeah. The device can stretch an ass hole as wide as 6 feet"
    "WHAT? WHY?"
    "What do you mean?'
    "WHAT THE HECK DO YOU DO WITH A SIX FOOT ASS HOLE?"
    "Usually, you park him on a bridge and give him a radar gun"
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Disagree Disagree x 1
  15. Nevyn

    Nevyn VIP Whale

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    Three logicians walk into a bar.

    The bartender asks them, "Would you all like a drink?" The first says, "Maybe", the second says, "Maybe", and then the third smiles and says, "Yes."
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  16. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    A penguin is driving down the road when he sees a plume of white smoke coming from his exhaust. He pulls into a service station to have it looked at.

    The mechanic says to come back in an hour.

    The penguin says "Where can I get something to cool down?"

    The mechanic tells him that there is an ice cream shop just down the street.

    The penguin goes to the ice cream shop and orders a 3 scoop vanilla cone. It being hot most of it melts on his face.

    The penguin goes back to see if his car is ready.

    The mechanic, wiping his hands on a rag says "It looks like you blew a seal."

    The penguin says "Nah, that's just ice cream."
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 3
  17. jerseyguy

    jerseyguy VIP Whale

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    Whats the best thing about dating the homeless?
    You can drop them off anywhere.
     
  18. GeorgeandTheBear

    GeorgeandTheBear Low-Roller

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    The agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac, laid awake all night wondering "Is there really a dog?"
     
  19. Bungadin

    Bungadin Low-Roller

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    Why do women have legs?

    So they don't leave snail marks everywhere they go.

    I am so going to Hell
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. JJLV

    JJLV Low-Roller

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    ha ha ha to all to bump hoping more add. (Makes a fun leisurely read). Still laughing at blowing a seal. :)