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Alcohol, BDay, Alcohol, Ferraris, Alcohol, Strippers

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by dfalk, Mar 31, 2013.

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  1. dfalk

    dfalk VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2011
    Messages:
    2,349
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    10

    My Trip Report

    WARNING: My last TR some people got offended by my foul language, so if F-bombs offend you get the hell outta here!!

    It was my birthday the other day and what better way to celebrate it then a trip to Vegas. So me and my buddy hopped on a jet plane for my 7th trip.

    SUN 3/24

    Got a RT flight with Allegiant for $195, was a good flight, got nice and shitty on the way and arrived at 10:30PM. Off the plane and right into a cab, and I just tell him Planet Hollywood please. Me and my buddy are bull shitting when I look up to notice we're in a fucking tunnel! I don't say anything as I watch the meter rack up to $28 by the time we arrive. I wait till I'm out of the cab with my bag in hand and I say Any particular reason why you tunneled me? He was like oh well it is faster this way. I said I dont give a shit, I didn't ask you to take it. I gave him $15 and said you can cover the other $13 you fucking dick. He didn't say a word, just got back in the cab and took off.

    Go check in and I'm the only person in line. I wrapped a $20 around my ID/CC and said that money is all yours if you can put me in the panoramic suite like you guys did for me last time. She said ill see what I can do and poked away at the keyboard for what seemed like 10 minutes. She said I tried my hardest to get you in it but you arrived one day to early or else she could have. I ended up getting a resort room with a bitchin ass view of the fountains.

    View from room
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Walk around and do a little gambling and somehow find myself playing BJ at Ballys. Me and my buddy go on a nice winning streak and I won $800 and he was around $700. Gamble some more and it's about 4AM and I gotta go to bed cause I have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow. Grab myself an Earl of sandwich on the way home and pass out. Ended about $600 up for the night so this trip is off to a great start.

    [​IMG]

    MON 3/25

    Alarm goes blaring off at 9AM, normally I would never get up this early but today is a special day, I'm driving a fucking FERRARI! I bought a deal with Exotic Racing for $299 to drive a F430 for 5 laps. We head to the Bellagio where presidential limo is picking us up to take us to Vegas Speedway. We get there and as soon as we get out of the limo I can hear the cars whizzing around the track, the smell of rubber, and I get an instant boner. We check in and they do they their little up sale and I ended up buying 2 more laps for $50 so I have a total of 7. It's about 11:15 and our class isn't till 11:45 so we have a good half hour to walk around and check out all the cars, and watch the others race. They let you go up to any car, open the door and hop right in to really check them out. An instructor came up to us and told us all kinds of things about the cars that was really informative and helpful.

    It's now 11:45 and it's class time. We go into a room with about 25 other people. First guy starts off by getting everyone in the room all pumped up, then a small little upscale speech. Another guy comes out after him and he explains all the safety rules and the technically of our $200,000 cars so we don't crash and burn them. Class goes on for about 20 min, then they release us to go take our "discovery laps". We hope into a Porsche Cayenne with the instructor who takes us on 2 laps around the track. He tells us how to follow the cones on the track and which lines to take around the track. Again, very informative and helpful. After that I go get a stupid little hair net and helmet and hop into my Ferrari. My instructor hops in with me and tells me to start it up. I hit the button on the steering wheel and once that bitch started my heartbeat about tripled.

    The car I drove
    [​IMG]

    We take off and the first part of the track is the main straight away, I floor it and rip through the gears with the paddle shifter. It took me about 2 laps to kinda get the hang of it then after that things went way smoother. Once they did I caught up to a Lambo and we're straight up racing each other. I was actually very very surprised the instructors let us race that close to each other. Right after I was really get the hang of things I hear the dreaded words "Laps are over pull it back into the garage". The whole experience was absolutely amazing, and after my 3 some with two big breasted cougars, this was the second greatest experience of my life. I only got the car up to 120MPH, which is pretty pathetic since I've driven my Subaru faster, but the power and acceleration made up for it. It's a very professionally run company and I know for a fact I'll be back.

    Cars at the Track
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    We hop back into the limo and get dropped off at Bellagio about 2 I think. We walk around for a bit and ended up at the Flamingo. I've been wanting to try 3 card poker so I find a table and sit down. On my third hand ever playing the game the dealer flips over my cards and says you're not very excited for a straight flush, you just won $200!, I was like fuck ya!!! Continue playing some more but pretty much lost that win and broke even. It's an alright game but never played it again for the tip, seems like an east way to lose a ton of money real fast. I think it's around 6 and I'm feeling a good buzz coming on. We decided we want to play sigma derby so we walk down to MGM. The race track was all full so I go play BJ until some seats open. I play for awhile when my buddy calls and says there's an open seat, but I say it's gonna be awhile since I just hit a hot streak at the table. Sadly the streak ends and I go on losing all my buy in. One funny thing that happened: I was at the table by myself when 2 banging hot girls sit on each side of me. The dealer instantly looks at me and whispers "hooker", I give him the slight head nod of acknowledgement . They're all rubbing up on me when the infamous "Want some company" line comes up. I said hell ya I want some company with you 2 hotties, what time do you get off work? The dealer busts out laughing and the girls look disgusted, one says to the other let's get out of here and off they went. Dealer tells the pit boss we got some working girls and he calls security. Side Note: I'd like to thank who ever posted that hooker comeback on this board, it was hilarious and I wanted to use it more on the trip but never got approached again.

    I want to say now its 1AM and I'm completely shit faced. Start walking back to PH and that whole stretch between MGM and PH seemed really sketchy for some reason. I don't remember it ever being like that but I kept my empty beer bottle firmly secured in case I had to bash some fucker in the face. Arrived at PH and play BJ till 5AM or so. I don't remember anything exciting happening for the night. I grab some Earl's and go home to find my buddy passed out, face down on the bed fully clothed, and shoes still on. I just laugh and go to eat my sandwich when I noticed there's about a teener of coke on the table. I think oh fuck he better not of ODed, I go kick him and he moans and grunts so all is good!
     
  2. dfalk

    dfalk VIP Whale

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    TUE 3/26
    Wake up around noon today and feel like shit. I go look at my bankroll and I am still even for the whole trip. Not really sure how that happened but I'll take it! I'm moving around really slow and I don't leave my room till about 1:30. Only way to feel better is to keep drinking right so I go down to the store and buy 2 tall boys and drink them as fast as I can. In the process of that I meet up with my buddy who is already gambling. Tonight's plan is to go see Absinthe so we need to head to Caesars. While he's finishing off his credits I throw a $20 in the machine next to him and instantly hit for $150, hell ya free Absinthe ticket for me! We get over there and find the guy giving out $20 off coupons so we get 2 tickets for like $152 I think. After this we head into Caesars to find some food. End up at the food court and we go to the burger place. It was pretty good. After this I cannot remember much of what we did for the next couple hours. I know we walked around alot and got pretty drunk.

    We get back to Caesars about 7:30 and sit around and drink some more till the 8:00 show. I heard this show was awesome and boy was it. I was laughing so hard my abs hurt. The acts were pretty damn impressive as well. By the last 20 minutes though I had to rock a piss soooo bad I was in pain. I could not laugh or clap because it hurt so bad. There's no bathrooms in the place and the way they have you crammed in there so bad there was no way this drunk guy was gonna attempt to get out. So I waited till the end and sprinted out the door to the bathroom. I might of ran into some people and cut them off so if you were at the show and I ran into you I apologize, but I really had to go! Like I said show was really awesome my only complaint is that the chairs suck ass and they cram you in there too much. I will see it again though.

    Inside the Absinthe tent
    [​IMG]

    So after my 8.75 minutes of non stop pissing we hit the strip with beer in hands and do some sightseeing. Walk up to the Palazzo then turn around and come back. Decided to go to Ballys and sit at the BJ table that treated up so nicely the first time. Turns out that table took a shit and we each lose 1 or 200 bucks. We wonder around some more and I think it's about 2AM so you know what time that is, BJ at the PH. I was doing pretty well but I was also so drunk that I am pretty sure I had more alcohol than blood in my body. When I get drunk I throw chips in my pocket in hopes that I forgot about them while playing and don't do anything stupid. According to the picture below its 8:13AM and it's time for bed. I had $100 left out on the table. I knew I had some chips in my pocket so I grab them to color up thinking I had about $200 in my pocket. I was pleasantly surprised to find 4 blacks, giving myself my second purple chip of the trip. This is very exciting to me since I have never had a $500 chip before, left alone 2 in one trip. I celebrate by going to Earls then go eat my sandwich while watching the sun rise from my sweet view.

    [​IMG]

    WED 3/27

    Wake up around 1:30PM to a phone call from my mom telling me happy birthday, uh whoops totally forgot it was my bday today! After drinking nonstop the days are starting to merge together. I get up and count my brank roll and I now have $200 more than what I came with, happy fucking birthday to me I thought. Unfortunately I felt like shit again and I don't leave my room till 4:00PM. I go meet up with my buddy and we decide to go to that mexican joint Yolos. Had a margarita and some tacos off their happy hour menu. Disgusting and I won't be returning there again. Not much was planned for today except we were going to the titty bar to do a little bday celebrating. We cross the street and go check out all the hotels on that side of the south strip since we havnt been over there yet. We do some gambling, but mostly a lot more drinking!

    It's 9 now and I am pretty much wasted. We head back to our room to get ready and call up the Spearmint Rhino to pick us up at 10. The limo picks us up and we're on our way to the rhino. Slip the driver a $20, walk right in, and instantly I was in heaven. So many hot girls I don't know which one to stare at. We grab some seats and sniffers rail and start throwing out dollars. Within 2 minutes I had women swarming me for lap dances. I got one from a hot blond with tig ol bitties. After that I walk around to find another skinny blond with the biggest tits I've ever seen in my life, so I get a lap dance from her as well. I said those tits are fucking huge how big are they?!? Her reply was FFF, then stuffed them in my face and I just about suffocated. After almost dying I walk to the bar to get a beer when this fine ass girl with a sexy Russian accent hits me up. I love me a nice Russian so I get a dance from her. After that dance she chatted with me when she grabbed another Russian girl who then proceeded to give me another dance. After that they both talked me into going into the VIP room. I said ahhh fuck it, it's my birthday why not. I negotiated a price of $150 and off we went. So Im sitting in the VIP room with 2 fine ass Russians with big fake tits. They dance and keep talking in Russian, probably about how stupid Americans are and how small my dick is. I didn't give a shit though cause I was totally molesting these girls feeling them all up. After the song they said we can keep the party going at my room and they'll "fuck my brains out" for only $2000. I said sounds like a killer deal, but I don't pay for sex. After that I decided it was time to get the fuck out of there before I go broke. My buddy agrees and we head back to PH.

    I have no idea what time it is now, I wanna say 2AM, I go up to my room and grab some money and head down to the BJ table for one final hoorah. I play for awhile mostly losing and this hot ass girl sits next to me. I thought for sure this was another hooker but we get to talking and I deem her a normal citizen. We somehow get on the subject of drugs and I was like I have some coke in my room that I'm not gonna use and am just going to flush it down the toilet before my flight. I said you can have it if you want, and she was like hell ya. So we go up to my room and the whole time I'm thinking, well she's not a hooker but she's probably a crack whore which isn't nearly as bad. I give her the bag and thought she would of thanked me by giving me a birthday/crack BJ but that never happened, which is good cause I have a nice girl back home. We head back to the table and play some more. She loses her money, thanks me for the gift and part ways. Shortly after I lose all my money and head back to the room around 8AM or so.

    THUR 3/28

    11AM and that cock suckin alarm goes off for the last time. Get up and I am still so drunk I can't even focus. Pack my bags by throwing everything in it and squishing it down just far enough to zip it. Check out at noon and we head to earls for some much needed food. Eat that and head to the airport at 1. Our flight isnt till 5 so I go find a nice quiet area and proceed to take a couple hour nap on the floor. Flight was on time and I arrived home safely to conclude my 7th trip.

    It was an awesome trip and in the top 3 of 7. I brought $1800 to cover everything and I came home with $900. For all the gambling I did and all the fun that was had I was very very happy with my results. Not to sure when I'll be back but I know I will be. Hope you all enjoyed.
     
  3. vegasdrea

    vegasdrea Buckle Bunny

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    :kill: :kill: you are hilarious!!!!! Loved the report, I love how you didn't sugar coat anything like most people do. Thanks for sharing, sounds like you had a most excellent birthday. You did Vegas right!
     
  4. VegasSteven

    VegasSteven Low-Roller

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    Wow! Amazing. You wasted no time on this trip. Nice job doing Vegas hard.

    Looking forward to your next TR. :beer:
     
  5. Hawaiianmark

    Hawaiianmark Low-Roller

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    Classic; fast as fuck.

    :evillaugh
     
  6. bigwill

    bigwill Low-Roller

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    I have to say Spearment Rhino has some fine ass up in there. nice trip report thanks for more claasic vegas stories.
     
  7. mrstealth

    mrstealth High-Roller

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    Happy Birthday Buddy! Thanks for sharing. Glad you had the willpower to not fall for the VIP - total rip off.
     
  8. uli_1515

    uli_1515 Low-Roller

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    Will be stealing your line about what time you off work. I laughed really hard in the dark at home. ahha
     
  9. UKFanatic

    UKFanatic The Arbiter of Taste Caviar Kid

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    Nice pics
     
  10. Kickin

    Kickin Flea

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    LOL this was hilarious! Awesome report :nworthy:

    I love this typo. :evillaugh
     
  11. Tellafriend

    Tellafriend High-Roller

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    Great Report and thanks for your honesty!
     
  12. DNA

    DNA Low-Roller

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    Now, that's a helluva trip report. Funny as hell and with no holding back on the details.
     
  13. sabrina

    sabrina Low-Roller

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    loved it! Happy Birthday!!
     
  14. Joe

    Joe VIP Whale

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    Loved the report and happy birthday!:thumbsup:
     
    Christmas
  15. KBT2012

    KBT2012 High-Roller

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    Great trip report. You sound like a pretty bold fella lol...
     
  16. Benwar

    Benwar Tourist

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    One of the best trip reports I have ever read!!:beer:
     
  17. Kimsa70

    Kimsa70 High-Roller

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    Sounds like you had a great birthday in Vegas, and thanks for sharing your report with all of us. I hate having to do that flush before the airport, but at least it didn't all go to waste!
     
  18. KBT2012

    KBT2012 High-Roller

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    Sounds like we have some people who like to amp up the party on this board lol.
     
  19. dfalk

    dfalk VIP Whale

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    Thanks for the bday wishes and glad you all enjoyed it.
     
  20. smartone

    smartone VIP Whale

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    Dude, definitely one of the best reports ever! I'm tired from the trip and I just read about it... that's the way you do it!!!
     
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