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Adult Video Awards, AK-47's and a night of regret

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by double_vision, Feb 28, 2013.

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  1. double_vision

    double_vision Newbie

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    My Trip Report

    After weeks of contemplating, debating and dreaming, me and my buddy JC finally went ahead and booked 3 nights of debauchery in Sin City... that just so happened to coincide with the same weekend of the Adult Video Awards at the Hard Rock... coincidence, or fate?

    The 8am flight down from Vancouver was the norm- digesting our Grand Slam's from Denny's that morning and diluting the heavy dosage of fried pork with Jack n' Cokes. As we descended onto the Holy Land with the hotels now in sight, I had a religious experience. You know that feeling you get when you enter a moment knowing full well you'll no longer be the same person after?

    CHECKING-IN

    After emptying my bladder of the 4 Jack n' Cokes on the flight down and grabbing my luggage, me and my pal head out to grab a taxi. We saunter into Bally's, check-in, drop the gear off and head down for some cheap Taco's at the little restaurant inside. If you're going to be polluting your body for the next 72 hours, it's a good idea to put some fuel in the tank first.

    JC is none too impressed by his child-size taco's, to which the waiter gives him some lip along the lines of "What'd you expect for a dollar?" Note too self, won't be coming back here. You never know how spiteful these tight-knit taco communities are.

    After downing some Mexican cuisine and washing it down with four or five Heineken's, we decide it's time to head down to the Gun Store to fire away with some cool gun's for an outrageous price.

    GUN STORE.

    After cabbing it down and walking inside, we find an hour long line-up. JC assures me it's always like this, but I've been drinking since 8am (it's almost 3 now) and am starting to burn-out just standing in a sh*tty lit lobby. Finally we get to the counter and I settle on a Desert Eagle .50, AK-47, and the infamous "SAW". Now, keep in mind I'm from Canada- our gun laws are not as lenient as our big brother's down South. Infact, I'd never held a gun, let alone fire one. So of course the only logical choice would be to shoot the Desert Eagle .50 as my first gun. Needless to say, I did not look like a professional. DESERT EAGLE- 1, NAIVE CANADIAN- 0.

    We head back to the strip, starting to sober up. Something needs to be done about this, so we find one of those hot-dog stand looking outlets that serves booze and pumps out crappy club music, park our asses on some stools on the sidewalk and start throwing down Red bull Vodka's. An hour or so pass, and after staring (borderline sexual harassment, I'm sure) at all the fine talent, we decide it's time to hit a strip club.

    SPEARMINT RHI-....

    We saunter in, and immediately I have found the purpose of life. This might get expensive. I hit the ATM, which is a sure-fire way to grab the attention of all the ladies walking around looking to support their fatherless-children and subsidize their tuition (really?). I'm immediately approached and grabbed by two ladies at the same time, doing their best to talk me into the VIP room. It's not my first day on the job- thanks, but no thanks. Me and JC grab a beer, a seat, and decide to survey the scenery first before doling out any cash.

    Now if you've never been to a 'Gentleman's Club' in Vegas, it might be as you imagine. Aggressive women, borderline sexual contact, and the constant push for you to go to the back room and drop more cash than needed. My game plan? Sit back, drink heavily, and sample as much as possible- one $20 lap dance at a time. And another free-tip: Wear dress pants. Not to show you have bank, but because they're very thin. To all you "Happily married" guys out there, nevermind. ;)

    Unfortunately for JC, his willpower is about as strong as a wet paper towel. He disappears for about 20 minutes with a gorgeous blonde French-Canadian (national pride!) as I have a few lapdances from different girls of different ethnicities. Eventually, he comes back to the table looking like he just had to shoot his childhood dog like in Old Yeller. He proceeds to tell me it's 'time to go', because he just got suckered into the VIP room for lapdances. Laughing at his misfortune and lack of willpower in the cab on the way back is one of the simpler joys in life. The best things in life are free they say.

    BACK TO THE STRIP

    We arrive back on the strip, grab some more beers and decide to go for a walk, bounce through some casino's and see if we can find some girls to chat up. We do end up meeting two girls here on some sort of Nanny program. Both 19, one from Germany and one from Austria. I kid you not. One thing I'll tell you about JC, is he's about a good a talker as I know. We chat with these girls for abit, and sensing this is going nowhere, part ways for the night. But the story doesn't end there- more on these girls later on.

    After JC's expensive and demoralizing strip club experience, he decides to hit the sack... but I'm not ready. I continue my drunken exploration of Vegas, meeting a girl from California and taking a cab back to the Luxor with her to play some blackjack at 2am. Down 50 bucks, and discovering this chick's a total waste of time, I bail out and head back to the hotel room. I find my pal passed out ontop of his bed, still dressed in his suit, and snicker. They grow up so fast....
     
  2. natedog666

    natedog666 17 and 20 Expert

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    Great TR so far!!! Please continue!
     
  3. blackjacker2

    blackjacker2 Low-Roller

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    Fab report, sin city as it should be for you single guys. Don't leave us hanging, what happened next?
     
  4. KellyLovesVegas

    KellyLovesVegas certified personal trainer/retired space nerd

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    Fun trip report so far!

    I imagine the Desert Eagle got the upper hand quickly, eh? Did you enjoy shooting the AK? My favorites are the AK and the Uzi.

    Can't wait for the next installment!
     
  5. RAWDAWG33

    RAWDAWG33 Low-Roller

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    Must hear MOAR!!! Great read so far.
     
  6. gongoman

    gongoman MIA

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    Ha..That Desert eagle is a type gun as if ya miss ur target u can beat the hell out of whatever you were aiming at..I sold guns for years and everyone wanted one ...Seemed soon as they held it they would opt for a glock or ruger ..Oh sorry back to Trip Report..Keep it coming:beer:
     
  7. bswim

    bswim High-Roller

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    This trip report has some serious potential!! LOL
     
  8. mike mc

    mike mc High-Roller

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    [ Quote I]I've been drinking since 8am (it's almost 3 now) and am starting to burn-out just standing in a sh*tty lit lobby. Finally we get to the counter and I settle on a Desert Eagle .50, AK-47, and the infamous "SAW". [/I]

    New meaning to the term "Cocked and Loaded " :wink2:
     
    Just Click The Book It Button It's Easy
  9. geoff

    geoff Low-Roller

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    I like where this one is going :) :thumbsup:
     
  10. farkingidiot

    farkingidiot High-Roller

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    I'm just glad to see someone actually mention a strip club. I can't believe how many TRs consist of "ate some food, had some drinks, played BJ, went to bed." Sin City? it didn't just get it's name from marketing! :wink2: Bring it on double vision!
     
  11. Tbone3336

    Tbone3336 VIP Whale

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    I agree with everyone, great so far, looking forward to more!
     
  12. Bondy3

    Bondy3 Low-Roller

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    great TR, the desert eagle .50 has quite the :wink2: kick to it
     
  13. dfalk

    dfalk VIP Whale

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    lol @ a Desert Eagle being the first gun you ever shot!!
     
  14. double_vision

    double_vision Newbie

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    The next morning (Friday) I awaken to a splitting headache, and a taste in my mouth somewhat comparable to licking the handrail on the public subway. I gather the strength to look over and see JC still in the fetal position, most likely dreaming of strippers, Red Bull Vodka's, ad his 20 minutes of shame inside the cash-grab that is known as the 'VIP room' from last night. Time to get this day going...

    After getting back down to the casino floor and grabbing a coffee, I throw down a few bucks at the Roulette table. Being it's only about 10 am, the casino floor is nearly empty. I assume most people are sleeping or taking their morning-after pills. Up a quick 35 bucks, I decide to depart and head back to the room.

    My pal and I wash the thick scent of stripper perfume, cigarette smoke and spilled booze off, and head out for some greasy breakfast and this 'Adult Video convention' we have heard of.

    ADULT VIDEO AWARDS/CONVENTION AT THE HARD ROCK

    We pull up in the cab, and are immediately met with a big line-up. If this many people are waiting to get in, it must be worth our time. Me and JC meet a few Asian chap's behind us in line down from Oakland, who tell us they come down every year and it's "Sick" inside. Fair enough... although visiting a Porn convention every year may be on the list of symptoms for porn obsession/chronic obsessive masturbator. Who am I to judge? I'm sure my computer has some viruses that haven't even been named yet.

    Once inside, this place is PACKED... at 2 in the afternoon on a Friday. Immediately I head to the bar and start pouring back Corona's. Everything's funner with slightly impaired motor skills and bad judgement. I will say one thing about this event- if you've ever watched a DVD, downloaded a video, or flipped through an adult magazine, you've probably tugged one off to ATLEAST one chick here. No lie, all those famous porn stars were here, signing autographs, flashing skin, and generally trying to promote themselves.

    On my third beer and my testosterone ready to explode out my eye-balls, the sights keep coming. Two girls making out in lingerie with a bunch of hairy-palmed computer nerds taking pictures, pole-dancing exhibitions on stage, etc...

    We make our rounds, grabbing some pictures and talking to some of these 'professional girls'. I always looked at porn star's as emotionless objects for my own personal sexual gratification, so it is definitely weird meeting a chick that you saw a couple weeks ago in a scene called 'Gangbang creampie'... but she seemed like a really nice girl. I'm sure here parents are proud... I just can't wait until her kid goes to highschool.

    After burning through a couple hours, me and JC head to a booth with some very well-known video stars. One of these ladies takes it upon herself to grab my hands as I'm standing behind her for a picture and firmly plant them on her "custom" chesticles. JC gets the picture. This will make for great reminiscing later, as well as showing it to any of my buddies who call bullsh*t on this story. Just like all those strippers at the Rhino, I think she really likes me. ;)

    BACK TO THE STRIP

    After heading back to the hotel room to grab some road beers, my stomach decides it's not too happy with how I've been treating it. I proceed to empty it of all it's contents, much to JC's amusement. Apparently Egg McMuffins, porn stars and enough liquor to paralyze a small farm animal do not mix well. I'm tempted to remind JC his hard-earned dollars from last night are probably being spent at a spray-tan salon and a Gucci outlet, but I digress. I'll let him have this one.

    We head over to Planet Hollywood, mostly to stare at all the female dealer's in their low-cut corsets and stockings. What a great idea. Knowing full-well I have a hard enough time walking away from the table when I'm getting killed, let alone having a perfect pair of breasts being pushed out in my line of sight is like the perfect recipe for a depleting bankroll. We head back to Bally's to see how many blacks are in a row at the Roulette table to play the streaks and end up meeting a group of 5 cougars down for a "girls trip". One thing about older women I love, is there's no beating around the bush. After chatting them up, we all head over to Toby Keith's for some dinner and drinks to survey which one of these women has the lowest self-esteem.

    Unfortunately, JC is not in the mood for food and shoots me a look I know all too well- "I'm gonna puke". We go up to the bar to grab some beers and talk out of earshot of our mature companions, and I try to convince him to tough it out. But he's right, these women are a waste of time unless we're planning on spending the whole night with them. Forget that, this is Vegas. Time is money... We settle up with the waitress away from the table, and bail out.

    EUROPEAN NANNY-FRIENDS

    After leaving Bally's, we're hit with a familiar sight- the same hot dog stand looking cart pumping out Kanye West and serving cheap liquor. I start putting away Red Bull Vodka's, and planning out the plan of attack for the night. This is where the night takes a twist. As we're sitting there, who walks by but our Nanny friends from Austria and Germany that we met last night. We all recognize each other, and JC swoops in like a bird-of-prey almost immediately.

    I'll point out one thing- these two girls were like something out of a Penthouse letter. Both blonde, 19, hot, and looking to party. JC ends up talking with the one from Germany, and I saddle up with the Austrian. After an hour or so of chatting over obnoxious club music being blared out at a deafening volume, they tell us they want to go clubbing. Great. I hate clubs... crappy music, overpriced drinks, stuck-up chicks. As the girls use the washroom together, I inform JC there is no way in hell I want to spend a night in a club... until he informs me these girls are 19, and there's no way in hell they're getting in a club in Vegas with their strict ID policies. I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, and the four of us head to New York New York to go to a club, with me smiling on the inside.

    I should mention these girls ended up getting changed in our room together (in the bathroom, of course) so they wouldn't have to carry their purses and whatever else you ladies haul for the whole night. Which means one thing- they HAVE to come back to our room for their belongings. Perfect. Of course, me and JC have already planned something like this occurring when we bought champagne our first day to have on stand-by for such instances. This isn't amateur hour, folks.

    Sure enough, these girls get denied at the club. Me and JC fake our disappointment, and decide to head back as it's getting late. The four of us get back to the room, and we pop the bubbly. Now, I've NEVER served liquor to a minor (19 is the drinking age in Canada, though).... but what these girls do while I'm in the bathroom checking my condom supply I have no control over.

    From here on, things are a little fuzzy. I do remember the lights off, and me and my pal each with our friend in our beds. Now I'm not going to sit here and lie and tell you what a great performance I put on- because to be honest, after making out and such I ended up passing out. That's right, gentlemen... I had a smoking hot 19 year old Nanny from Austria in my hotel room in VEGAS, in my bed, and I passed out. In my weak excuse to justify it to myself, I decided everything happens for a reason. Maybe that would've been the night that the new kid was working on the Durex assembly line and I got the dud.

    Either way, the girls leave as I sleep in my booze-induced coma, not realizing what an idiot I'll feel like in the morning. I awaken to the door closing as the girls leave for their cab, and JC takes great pleasure in showing a video of me passed out on the bed, collared shirt, dress pants... with two European girls hitting me with pillows and laughing at my groggy reactions.

    As far as I know, JC and his Fraulein did end up having a 'great time' together while I thoroughly disappointed my Austrian guest. My only hope for retribution is if one day a young Friedrich shows up at his door with strikingly similar characteristics.

    Remember kids, always use protection.
     
  15. Srvanwyk

    Srvanwyk Low-Roller

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    Loving every minute of your report
     
  16. smartone

    smartone VIP Whale

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    I love it... CLASSIC!!!! I was at the hotel, though not for the convention (REALLY!), on Wednesday and Thursday and saw the "talent" that was comin' in and they were smokin'! One girl was walking around with a couple bodyguards, she was over 6 feet in heels, long blond hair and an orange dress that hugged every inch of her and barely reached below her ass. She was INCREDIBLE!
     
  17. mrstealth

    mrstealth High-Roller

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    This is an EPIC report - Definitely goes into the top 10 all time reports.

    PS - I honestly thought though that the 2 young chicks were setting them up for the classic "slip a mickey in their drink" and remove a kidney from each of them and end with the boys waking up in a bathtub full of ice...
     
  18. double_vision

    double_vision Newbie

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    Thanks for the feedback...

    I'll soon write up about our last day (Saturday) when I get a chance
     
  19. nsideirish

    nsideirish Low-Roller

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    Great writing style. Awesome report. Cheers
     
  20. vegas3

    vegas3 Low-Roller

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    Your a great writer, but where are the pics from the AVA?

    Awesome report.
     
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