Better late than never, huh? I fully intended to have this up sooner, but truth is since I returned and recovered I've been trying to find a job. And even though it's fresh in my mind it's still a blur so here goes. Wednesday looked something like this... Our flight left Chicago Midway at 9:25am on 10/22. Three of us were going, myself, Wayne and Jerry. A fourth, Dan, was to meet us friday and John was already on his way there with his uncle and brother-in-law. Me and Wayne left Chicago that morning with a slight buzz from the terminal refreshment stand and landed in Vegas damn near drunk from the beverage cart on the plane. Baggage claim was never so interesting. We check into Paris via Hoover Dam and the obligatory In-n-Out DoubleDouble and boy is it hot out here. 90's during the day. Mid 70's at night, I love it. We eventually meet John at the Flaming-o and we continue to march North until we finally lose steam at Casino Royale around 11pm. We manage to stop at almost every casino along the way and catch 2for1 time at Imperial Palace. John goes back to the Flaming-o and the three of us go downtown. First stop, the four queens walk up bar for a 1/2 yard of vodka and 7up. Completely ridiculous. You should have seen us playing craps that night. 1/2 yards don't fit on a drink rail ya know? The banker just shook his head and laughed at us. One hand had the 1/2 yard the other did all the legwork. Placing, betting, smoking, throwing, hi-fiving, the other just held the drink. Someone put theirs on the floor and well that didn't last long. I played for about 30 mins more and colored up about for nearly double my buy-in of $100. I figured our luck had run-out after my friend Jerry airmailed the dice into the forehead of an 80 year old man on oxygen smoking a cigar at the other end of the table. There's a long story behind that one. We call it a night and head back to Paris. For some reason, I get a second wind and decide to go to the Boardwalk. Last year, this place was good to me. This year, it wasn't. The BJ dealer went thru my $50 faster than a brush fire in California. I decide to retreat back to the Flaming-o for some more dice action. I find John whackin' numbers left and right at the pink bird so, my drunk ass buys in for 100. Next thing you know he's nailing points and covering all numbers on the board. At one point I had money on all but the four and was just raking in the chips. I colored up for just over $200 and celebrated by knocking down the door of our hotel room and throwing the money in the air like I just broke the bank at El Nobody's casino. The two people sleeping were actually quite amused. Day one turned out to be an 18 bender. Film at 11. Thursday morning started off with a phone call to room service. Anyday that starts off with the phrase, "a bottle of Stoli and a pitcher of bloody mary mix," has got to be fun and I don't care what day of the week it is. Unfortunately I got no breakfast because your truly was still passed out drunk in the bed. My friends said the look on my face was priceless when I stepped out of the bathroom and saw these 2 guys harfing down omelettes and I casually ask, "where's mine?" I was asked multiple times and repeatedly replied, "no," but I can't remember any of it. However I do faintly recall the phrase, "a bottle of Stoli," being uttered that morning. Room service at Paris was well, typical. It took 45 mins. the food was good, hot, and plenty. The bottle of Stoli cost us $55 so bring your own. We would later.The bloody mary mix was well worth it and came with olives and tabasco. We checked out the Greens of Las Vegas later that morning. It's on Paradise Rd near the airport. Think of it as mini-golf without the bells and whistles. They call it a putting facility and it's cool. They've got a pro shop, bar and grill, games and golf simulators. After playing we stopped for some lunch. The food was great and everybody there was very friendly. We would return the next day for lunch and for some time in one of the simulators. We stocked up on supplies after we left and yes supplies consisted of Captain Morgan, Red Bull, (to go with the Stoli,) Pepsi, water, Miller Lite and a small storage bin to serve as a cooler seeing as how we didn't have a fridge in our room. And I wasn't just going to walk down to the bar and grab a drink like I've been known to do late at night, because 3 drinks the day before cost almost $16! Adavantage: Las Vegas Club. They have refridgerators. We got the room organized and then went down to the sports book to check out the lines and see if we could reserve a seat for Saturday's Breeders Cup telecast. Turns out we couldn't hold a seat, but we were assured that, "we will find a seat for you, sir." Huh? Ok, whatever you say. After fooling around for a few hours and catching Big Elvis at the Coast we got back and got ready for dinner. We had reservations for 7:00 at Kokomo's in the Mirage. Dinner turned out to be very tasty. I had the lobster bisque for an appetizer and had the prime rib and split a side of garlic mashed potatoes with someone. Couldn't remember what everyone else had but, nobody had anything bad to say so I'd have to say everyone enjoyed it. After dinner Jerry had heard about the haunted house next to Little Darlings strip club. Called Little Demons, it featured some women from the strip club next door and is for people 18 years and older. Turned out to be a hoot although it was a little short, you definitely don't see this type of haunted house anywhere. For some reason we wound up back in Casino Royale and couldn't even fight onto one of the craps tables in there. I found a BJ table across from the bar and sat down. Now the waitresses would only serve draft beer, but they had $1 Michelob's at the bar. So what I would do is when I needed a beer, I'd get up and go to the bar, get a $1 bottle of Michelob and go sit back down at the table. Now when I was doing this there were only 2 other people at the table and didn't mind and neither did the dealer and I was also tipping the waitresses even though I wasn't ordering from them. No one seemed to mind although it does sound a bit awkward. I don't remember too much that night, but I do remember Wayne single-handedly shutting down a roulette table. Wayne and Jerry were sitting at a roulette table and Jerry was just winning money hand over fist. In fact he took all the chips of his color and they began paying him off with $25 greens. I guess it was this guys first day on the job or he was just not paying close attention, but Wayne managed to slip a bet onto the table after the ball had dropped. Within minutes the spinner was puller and a replacement put in and the statement of, "I'm sorry gentlemen but this table will be closing in 10 minutes." To which Wayne replies, "hey you can't close my f***ing table." "Uh, yeah Wayne they can and it's their table not yours," I inform him. To which Wayne replied, "you're gonna listen to that used car salesman?" which almost immediately prompted us to color up and scram before the pit boss had security helping our asses out the door. We didn't pass one roulette wheel the rest of the trip that we didn't ask Wayne if he could get this guy fired, too? Friday morning rolls around and I'm trying to figure out where my money is. It seems the bankroll is disappearing faster than I can figure out. But actually when I think about it, I'm down around $250. Not bad considering what we've done in the last 2 days. Breakfast is no longer an option, so a Captain and Coke it is. Jerry and Wayne roll outta bed and Wayne grabs a beer. You gotta love this town. It's nearly 9:00, so Dan should be calling us soon. Me and Jerry go down to the sports book once again and Wayne hits the pool for some eye-candy. We find out why we can't reserve a seat for the sports book tomorrow, as Bally's and Paris have a big Breeders Cup party and is, of course, full. I tell Jerry, that it looks like we'll be watching from our room again this year. About an hour later Dan lands at the airport and is en route to the hotel. He meets us in the room, drops his bag and we head for the Greens of LV again for some golf simulator action and some lunch. We manage to get thru about four holes in about an hour. What can I say, we suck. But it was fun and the waitress really liked us so we made the best of it. We go back to the strip and mess around some at Barbary Coast. Great drink service. So great in fact that I go back to the room and take a nap before dinner. We're going to Hugo's Cellar later and I don't want to be anebriated for that one. We get to Hugo's 15 mins early and we still get seated. This was the second time myself and Jerry have been here and the other three were Cellar virgins. Nobody left disappointed. By the time it was over our bill came just short of $400. We ate like kings and drank like them as well. The only downside I've experienced with this place is that it can get quite noisy. But, I can deal with that. Still my favorite restaurant in Vegas. Hung out at the queens for a few hours afterward. Got another one of those annoyingly large 1/2 yards, but couldn't manage to get on a crap table. Me and Dan spot this 3-5-7 poker game that nobody is playing. Mr. Personality was the dealer. I wound up saying okay why not and sat down...for 2 hours and a second 1/2 yard. I just couldn't lose and the money kept coming in. The guy said about a total of 14 words the whole time there and about 2 or 3 people came and sat down for a little bit and then left. I just couldn't stand it anymore and finally got up and left after losing 2 hands in a row. I walked off with over $250 from an initial $30. Alright, that's just what I needed. I stagger out onto Fremont street and find Wayne glaring at the lights on the canopy which are off at the moment. "Hey Wayne, you look up when the shows on. Not when it's off!" He's fallen victim of the 1/2 yard whiskey and coke. We eventually wind up at Imperial Palace once again, where Don lost all common sense and went haywire at the craps table. At one point, I was told, I put a dollar yo bet for everyone at the table. It only cost me 12 bucks, but 10 strangers thought I was a hero for a moment. Albeit a very drunk one. After leaving there we wandered back to Paris where John and Jerry found a $5 crap table and proceeded to indiscriminately take a lot of the casino's money. I retired for the evening. I can hear my liver hardening. Saturday morning I wake up and I'm all alone in the room and the second Breeders Cup race is on TV. Nobody could wake me and went down to the sports book without me. I didn't mind, I was a train wreck the night before and I needed the rest. I grab a water and wash down a B12 pill and jump in the shower. By the time I make it to the sports book the fifth Breeders race is going on and Jerry already has lost almost $200 in horse racing alone. He also managed to finagle two seats because the two monitors didn't work in the cubicle. Wayne's on his third Jack and Coke thanks to his free drink strategy and the cocktail waitress that was happy to oblidge. He'd hang out right at the corner of the sports book near a bank of slots. She'd come by and get a drink from her and pretend like he's playing a slot. Sounds dumb, but it worked. Find out later he was tipping her pretty good, because by the last race, she was coming right up to him while he was standing in the aisle between the book and the slots. We manage to go to the final race and still have not won a single bet on a horse today. We're not even close. Longshots we've never heard of are knocking down the big ponies. Upon the start of the final Cup race I state that I will win this final race. I make 2 bets. One was like $5 across the board on whatever horse Jerry Bailey was on for that race. And the other I told everyone else later. Jerry and Dan did some tri's and perf's and Wayne just kept hitting the Jack and Coke's like he's determined to dry up the state of Tennessee. The horses line up, there's the bell and they're off. I immediately stand up, in the middle of the sports book and proclaim, "I've got it!" My friends are like WTF? So I show 'em the ticket. $2 to win on all. I've got every horse in the race. Yeah it's a stupid bet, but it was damn funny at the time. The guy behind the counter even stumbled when I said it. But I just told him that I wanted to say I that I cashed a winning ticket. What's even funnier is that the horse I bet across the board placed and the winner was a 15/1 shot. So I actually won $60 bucks in that last race. We decided to go to some cheap casinos the last day we were there. So we cabbed it to the Ho. Westward Ho that is. Dan finds this 3/4 lb Mega-Dog for $1.49. It should just say John Holmes on a bun. It's so ridiculous we all decide to get one. Of course, Dan goes one step further and orders chili, cheese and saurkraut on his. I swear he's gonna have a gripper at the table. But no ambulance was necessary. In fact he almost finishes the damn thing. Afterwards, I got myself one of those cheap margarita's and sat down at a BJ table. Across the pit I can see Jerry and Wayne wrecking the craps table they're on. Next thing I know, the whole table's going nuts. This continues for about 1/2 hour. Come to find out later, that this one girl who just turned 21 the previous day was on fire and hitting everything in sight. You want that point? Bam you got it. You want 11, I'll give you 11. She was like a machine. At one point Jerry said he had $78 on the 6 and 8 and she was whacking them. We finally decide to leave and Jerry's feeling better from recovering some of the Breeders Cup losses. We duck into slots-a-fun only because we saw a sign that said $1.50 bottles. Import and Domestic. We found a $3 BJ table that paid 3/2 and stands on all 17's and also just had to be 10 feet from a big screen TV with the first inning of the final world series game playing on it. And nobody was at this table. So the four of us sat down and needless to say that when we did decide to leave it was well after the Marlins won the pennant. The drink service was great, I think I had at least one of every type of beer they had. My friends were keeping a running total of how many different drinks I could consume in one day, I'll give you the total later. We went thru about four different dealers, every one of them was a lot of fun. Every now and then, one of us would take a break and get up and go collect on some slot machine. It was almost like, "well I have to go over to that blazing 7's machine and pick up 50 bucks." At one point Jerry hit four aces on a $1 VP machine and came back with two cups full of dollars. It was outta control. By the time we realized what time it was, it was nearly midnight and we were sauced up royally. It turned out to be the biggest surprise casino of the trip. We stumbled our way South and ducked into the Stardust turnaround and grabbed a cab back to Paris. "The quick way or the short way," the cabbie asked. The short way is of course the Strip route and the quick way is the best way. We all agree the next morning to always take the quick way. We split up at Paris and head back to Barbary Coast. This place was just treating me pretty good, but most importantly it was the closest cheap casino from Paris. Me and Jerry play for a little while and Jerry cleans out yet another roulette table and before you know it we're at Imperial Palace yet again. And guess who we run into but Dan and Wayne at yet another BJ table. We sit down and it's nothing but a haze by now. I play for about 1/2 hour and decide to finally call it a night. It's Sunday morning and the party's almost over. Room service is called for the second and final time of our trip and bloody mary mix is on tap to finish off the Stoli. Upon figuring out who wants what we notice Dan's missing. I left first so I dunno where he was at or going. Wayne left second, but beat me back to the room cause he cabbed it. Sissy. Jerry said when he left Dan was staying and playing BJ at the IP. We try his cell phone. It's off. We're kind of starting to worry when he comes thru the door looking like 5 miles of bad road. Seems he played BJ all night at the IP and walked away with the same fifty he bought in for. Some eight hours earlier. We all have a good laugh and start ordering breakfast. Dan said the mayo clinic called and they want a sample of my liver. Apparently it holds up to various combinations of alcohol. I learn that I drank 14 different types of drinks, duplicates not included, the night before. Well our flight doesn't leave until 7:25 so we've got some time to get good and loaded one final time before coming home. We clean up the room and pile up all the change that's been accumulating on the desk for the last 4 days and add it up to like 7 bucks or something. We would eventually put it into a quarter slot and hit for $75. We would then put that $75 across the field at a roulette table and hit a number that had $10 on it. We then split that $350 up 4 ways and sat at a 25 dollar BJ table. And give it all back. It turned out to be pretty amusing. Jerry checked in at the sports book and decided not to make any sports bets next time he goes to Vegas because he was literally having his ass handed to him. I swear I heard the guy at the betting window asking him the day before, "will you be leaving your ass with us this weekend, sir?" He was ready to cry. Even the NASCAR race got rained out. He was crying conspiracy. Three hours to kill and where do we go, well we almost made it to the IP once again, but instead we stopped in at O'Sheas and played there for the rest of the trip. Well, at least until 5pm when we had to jump in the car and head to the airport. I walked out of O'Sheas down another hundred and leaving me with $300 to go home with. I also learn that some lady who barely spoke English cleaned out the quarter Elvis progressive late Sat night for around 1 mil. Figures. And getting home proved to be a challenge as well. The California brush fires shut down a lot of flights leaving and arriving to McCarron leaving people stranded in various terminals, while their connecting flight was grounded if not rerouted from LAX. Luckily our plane was coming from Reno and we were delayed briefly. It almost looked like I'd be staying one more day in Vegas. I would've given up my seat for some free tickets but it never happened. I mean if I come home Monday night, that's no big deal. It's not like I have a job or something.