Something to peruse pix aint coming they sucked anyway. From the passsssssst 2011 Vegas Trip & Panty Run Yes. Vegas trip & Panty Run. No I am not kidding. Unfortunately for you dear reader, you; friends, will have to endure a spiel of words and of pictures. Both of which are probably less than stellar, less than primo righteous gnarly dude; and lacking in any information totally other then the occasional slip up where I actually learned/discovered something new. Without further delays in scripted non-sense; away we go. The plan was that I needed to get away before I committed murder; since my stress level and requisite honey-dew list had reached new highs. The queen, the keeper of the list, could not go. I on the other hand, couldn’t go pretty much ever in the near and far future unless I went now. So solo it would be. I tried to get a fellow firefighter to go, but the time frame didn’t work out for him, would have been nice as he would a been a Vegas virgin. Never having gone solo; I really knew I’d miss* my other (better; sorry dear!) half. *Miss – as in I passed you by and decided not to wave. Good old what’s-her-name works for Hawaiian Air; so doofus I get to fly for free. Score 1! Yes! Well score yes, but the wonder if you will get on is draining. Supposed to have gone on the red-eye; but started by trying an earlier flight. Got on an earlier flight so LV arrival is midnight rather than 7am on 9/1. One thing I noticed that stood out on the flight was the number of either meth head late 20’s early 30’s females on the flight. Either that or Jenny Craig is spiking her shit. And as usual, the person next to me was a dork and said not one word the whole flight. Its me, obviously that has the issues. Grabbed the shuttle to the Car Rental maze; and picked up my Avis Charger rental in honor and due respect for Historian. The Avis deal was 100 + change for almost a total of 4 days. I was happy with it and Avis. Almost totally except when the guy wanted to up sell me to a Vette for “a great deal!!!” – If you are that excited for a deal at midnight at an Avis, you need to cut back on the crack. When you live and drive on an island, driving and surviving in Vegas is a whole new experience in what makes your ‘nads try to crawl back where they came from. Needless to say when 50 is your top speed in short jaunts here. 85MPH trailers passing you in inches at midnight plus creates no need for caffeine. Upon arrival I was granted early check in for an extra day; hmmm it past midnite, but WTF, I am happy. Dump bags/stuff and put on my respite The North Face fannypack jogging bag. Yes I use a fanny pack; and no I dont give a shit. I hate having crap in my pockets, and I know I wont lose my wallet when it takes me an hour to find it. So Pbbbbbbtttt! Game with in a report - If you know exactly where I was standing when I snapped this; YOU GO TO VEGAS TOO MUCH! Right to Boar’s Head for a beer/VP. Apparently they no longer serve quad’s. At least that’s the way it seemed. No way as frequent as they seemed to have been last visit, nor was I aware of others hitting with the frequency of before. Random? Probably. Just seemed odd. Headed over to TheCal for the usual crap play; wandered Fremont. Hit the hay at a pretty decent hour; around 3 or 4 am. Had some OK runs and bets at TheCal; nothing spectacular. Old timers galore as is the norm. THE PANTY RUN Ok. First off, I wear briefs. Not panty briefs, not g-string briefs. Just regular old, tighty whitey briefs. That’s it. Well none when surfing, but that’s a whole nother realm of unwanted information. My queen requested that on this solo trip I go to the Jockey Store and buy panties. See; this is what she usually would do on a trip here. Drag me there; spend all kinds of valuable time and money on shopping for stuff that I don’t use. Well, sorta. don’t I tend to help take them off, but that also is unwanted information. Anyway. I get up early in order to get there, get done and get out. It would be a 2 or 4 hour jaunt into shopping hell if not solo. I am smarter than that. So I got there early. As in an hour before the freaking store opened. Doofus. My queen also had the foresight to GIVE ME a pair of the style/cut that I was instructed to pick up. Riiiiiiight. I’m going into a store and say “Hi can you show me a pair of panties like these??!?” Not gonna happen. So I waited and walked around suffering the accosting of middle eastern kiosk salespeoples just opening for the day with no other potential idiots to abuse. Nope don’t need my jewelry cleaned; don’t need my scalp scrubbed/massaged/deloused; no good with plucking out unwanted hairs on my body; (I’m part Chinese for Christ sake; I’m practically hairless!)… You get the idea. Jockey Store finally opens; I enter to the warm greeting of “Welcome to the Jockey Store!” - To which I proudly answer “Can you show me some panties??” Yeah. Went over reallllllllly well. When she finally stopped trying to call the Police/Laughing/Wondering if I was just strange, she was very helpful. She even helped me take a pic of the offending panties; and send confirmation to her highness that I had indeed accomplished something besides getting drunk. As I was just finishing payment, she called requesting camisoles so that took another run around like a babooze (term of endearment for idiots like me) an found those. Sheesh. After which it was time to have a round or 2 at VP; send some $ to the troops fighting the war on the Craps tables. Damn. Texted almost too often to fellow Vegasholics Histo, Hetz, Rog & Throwback. Maybe a bit too often as they probably got sick of me rubbing the wondrous 105 degree inferno that Vegas was. Except for Rog & the soon to arrive Throwback. Had the car but figure on a meet up with Rog, I may partake of a few beverages so I better catch a cab. Cabbies are interesting. I wouldn’t want that job; but my first driver from Somalia and his dreads taught me one thing – that dreads are there for one thing – to not have to carry a rubber band to tie your hair. See? Learned something new already, didn’t ya? On to ISLA at TI to meet w/ Rog for an afternoon refresher in why Vegas brings strangers together, and how amazing humans can be. Maybe a chance to enjoy a very cute and friendly cocktail waitress as well. Text exchange between us kinda went like so – “whatcha up to?” “ISLA groupon?” & “Can we drink your shirt?” (me to Rog on his fine choice of shirt apparel) – Of course a meet could be with a potential murderer; but this one was all pleasure. A conversation that ran the gamut from Vegas (gee who’d a thunk?) to Occupations, travel destinations, how Hawaii doesn’t have gambling (Did ya know that Boyd once worked for a Japanese man in Hawaii and there started the Boyd/Hawaii connection)… too short, too amazingly fun. Thanks for the drinks & chow Rog! As always too little time to get everything we’d all like to do, done. Walked off some of the beverages; caught my 2nd cab ride. From Laos; and he did not say anything after I asked that. I left a tip and unfortunately a beer & salsa laden fart of possibly epic proportions; but I leave that for Mr. Laos’ view. STEVE WYNN STEALS MY $20.00 BUCKS! That’s right; he stole my damn 20 bucks! You think I lie? Ha! Listen and you will see the evil way Steve makes his gazillons. I re-signed up for my lost Red Card and proceeded to find a smooth operating and impeccably clean VP machine as 25 dollar min craps wasn’t feeling too right with me. If I knew Steve was gonna steal it anyway, I woulda hit the tables! So I feed my Card; so I feed a 20…Only I have 2 20’s stuck together; not right on top each other; but off center. His Steveness kept both but only credits 20! Hmmmmmm. I see now how he amassed his evil fortune now! On another note – interesting how the bill acceptors have no problem grabbing any form of cash; but try a worn out bill in a soda machine….no way! What’s up with that? Hawaiian Music on the Jazz station almost freaked me out. Craps goes well; then goes south then goes south…er then goes well. Ah hell. Break adventures included running around Fremont Street to the Western (always a great time) ElCo; Gold Spike. And general people watching/interaction. Crossing end of Fremont early one morning I had a couple from some foreign country crossing right against the light with on coming traffic; completely oblivious to the truck coming toward them and blaring horn and middle phalange. Gent next to me and obviously going home in his work uniform and cold PBR in his hand says “Yeah we motherfuckers do that and we get a 250 dollar ticket; you fuckin tourist do that an nothing” So he nad I had great walk and talk on the vices and virtues of the tourists industry in Vegas. My fanny pack spoke volumes. Walking back I had 2 gents trying to sell me a fine example of gold jewelry; unfortunately they seemed to be working separate and together (if you get my drift as in rip off or see how dumb am I) So all I said was “Hey thanks! But I have one already!” Now I know there’s an answer that stumps the sellers. SOME CRAPPY FUN Introducing young girls to how Craps works is fun; since the ladies bet (the Field bet) is the easiest way to start learning. 2 times a young girl and I bantered about the benefits and risks of Field Bets. After explaining how my queen steals all my chips and wins with the Field, she agreed that, yes, The Field is a good bet. Have to have a sucker husband tho’ was the general consensus. Also agreed is that point and then 7 out sucks. Yes that does; I am proof of that a few times. A few good rolls a nice bet on my 25 minute roll and was back even. One session down to a last 50 or so in chips. Threw a quarter on the hard 6 for a 225 win. That was sweet. At TheCal I learned as well that when your friend is Yoshi, and you are the one taking a 1000 marker out the pit boss will tell you that – “you cant sign Yoshi’s name!?” Always a good thing when the over 70 crowd is still messing with each other. One run on Friday night was till 5am and yielded a nice 600 dollar win. Image Friday night had 5 full craps tables which is something I have never seen there ever. A quick shot a WOF garnered a 500 dollar strike! Cal one night was a bevy of sweet looking young girls loud and partying; headed to the bar right next to the craps tables. “Shots! Shots! Shots!” was the chant and Happy Birthday tune rang out. Later; they all hit the tables at MSS. That was really loud. Realllllllly loud. Amazing. You know tipping the dealers makes an impression when the Pit boss (Calvin) remembers you by name and you haven’t been there in over 6 months. Jose at Boars Head I figure would; but a Pit Boss? Hmmmmm. Conspiracy maybe? On another strange view – rather large persons of either sex should not wear tight clothes. It hurts. It really hurts. Kittens die and all that. CROWD OBSERVATIONS Porcelain girl was interesting. Amazing surgical work. Fremont Street was awash with EMO kids and general weirdness. Nice mix. Vietnam Vet at the Zip Line end was interesting with his bomb box speakers and tales. There was also a guy in TheCal restroom that was in the pleasant task of what sounded like passing a kidney stone the size of Plymouth Rock. Went to Cosmo/Aria. Me likey very much. Especially after Historian tipping me on the Players card sign up free play. Used that for a nice quad 4’s for a 100 dollar win. Sweet Dancer Distractions Cowboy playing tunes on walkway. Pretty damn good. Hard to keep vision clear on the Strip. Lot of things to distract you. Another innaressing ad. HOW TO GET A COMP WITH COMEDY Just explain to the nice lady about how you had to come to Vegas to buy your wife panties. You’ll get at least 3 nights free. And you get the bonus of watching someone try night to pee their pants due to hysterics. Really. Bonita almost lost it. Was gonna meet with Throwback but apparently he was sailing Lake Bellagio as he was according to him using “3 Sheets to the wind” IDIOTS Lady at the car rental shuttle I asked said “Yep its going to both Terminal 1 & 2” Unfortunately it wasn’t but the nice tattooed older lesbian driver directed me to the nice sidewalk I could walk over to Terminal 2 on. TSA guy who tried to call a little girl “Missy come here” to which she replied in loud 4 year old voice “ MY name is MIKALA!!!!!” Bonus to her for the massive strut she made waltzing away from him and double Bonus Kudos to the Mom for handling 3 under 6 year olds by herself on the flight home. Well done! Pretty cool fun. I miss my ohana (family) too much to be gone from them; and then I come home and realize I wasn’t gone long enough. Anyone gotta trip planned? I wanna leave already. Hope you enjoyed it.