A Wild Ride at the Cosmo: (3/22-3/28) Lengthy TR

First off, I just want to say thank you to everyone here and elsewhere for all your stories and energy. You make the build-up to the trip THAT much more exciting. This was my third trip to Vegas, and clearly the third time was the charm.

Secondly, this is heavily edited. I removed most profanities/questionable material and censored the ones I felt needed to stay in. If there's a problem with anything I wrote, let me know and I will promptly remove it. Enjoy!

**Edit**

Also, this actually isn't that lengthy. It just looked lengthy on my phone's little screen

 

Can't wait to hear it!

 

Pre-Trip:


Since last March, my first trip to Vegas, I decided that I wanted to come back at least every spring. The weather, the energy--everything was just so perfect and euphoric that i knew I wouldn't be able to stay away for very long. I ended up winning a free trip last May, but this Spring 2016 trip has been a work-in-progress since March 2015. I've had many friends commit, only to back-out after a few weeks or months. I've been saving money like a madman. I even picked up an additional job bartending on the weekends for some additional cash flow. Basically, I wasn't going to let this trip be a joke; I'm going balls-to-the-wall and cutting LOOSE!


A few weeks ago, I linked up with two guys ("HurricaneBuckeye" and "Sweetvibes") on a VMB, as well as RussT from the TA forums. My plan is to go absolutely nuts with HurricaneBuckeye and SweetVibes from the 23rd-27th, and then wind-down/gamble with Russ T when his flight arrives in LAS.


Keep in mind that I am writing all of this before my actual trip so that you can see my intentions going into the trip. How far I stray from these plans is yet to be seen.


Quick fun pre-Vegas story: I'm whiter than white. I burn VERY easily. Due to this fact, I thought I'd be smart and hit the tanning salon a few times before my trip. You know those "smart" UV beds that have 99% harmless tanning rays? Well I must be extremely susceptible to the harmful rays because after only 8 minutes in that (what the guy recommended) I woke up the next day severely sunburned. I'll be hitting it for 4-5 minutes twice more before my trip, and hopefully I'll actually tan a little bit. (Post-trip update: I never went back)


At this point I'm hella nervous. I've admitted this to HurricaneBuckeye and SweetVibes a little bit, but I don't think they realize the extent. I haven't partied much in Vegas besides your normal drinking, gambling, and a couple GA admissions into the lower-tier clubs (such as LAX at the Luxor). I also paid one visit to a certain genre of night club that my mother would not be proud of. Outside of that, I haven't had much Vegas experience, and these guys seem like PROS. Hell, I haven't even had THAT much clubbing experience outside of Vegas either. I am severely outmatched and am just really hoping I can keep up; I definitely don't want to slow them down or make them feel like they're taking care of a child. Time will tell, but they seem like great guys.


At the airport:


I'm here at gate B4 in Boston waiting for my flight out to Vegas, blasting some EDM. The nerves are building.


In other news, I managed to convince a tinder bae to pick me up from the airport and drop me off at the Cosmopolitan in exchange for a birthday kiss (her birthday is this week). She'll most likely come up to my room with me BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT YOU GUYS. I'll keep you posted on how that unfolds. I think I'm set.


I paid Spirit the extra $55 for the bigger seat at the front of the plane, which honestly was well worth it. Lots of leg room and no rubbing elbows with any nextdoor neighbors. A six hour flight is a long time, so I planned my music accordingly. For the first 4 hours, I played slower music--we're talking Sara Barelis, Joshua Radin, The Weepies, some acoustic Mayday Parade, Demi Lovato (don't judge, folks), and things like that. With 2 hours to go, I transitioned to more upbeat pop music to get the blood flowing a little bit. Then during the last 20-30 minutes I blasted EDM/House music to really get me amped as I was landing. I also threw back multiple Screwdrivers, which was more than enough for a buzz since I hadn't eaten all day.

Tuesday Night:

Afrojack is playing at Omina. This is what I mean by balls-to-the-wall. I look it up online and it looks like they start cutting admission after 12. I take a quick shower, unpack/get my things in order, and dress up for the night. As I head downstairs at about 11pm, I see a group of guys coming into the Cosmo complaining and saying something about Afrojack. I get pumped and asked them how it is there, and they said the line is probably 2 hours long. So instead, I went back and lost some more money in Blackjack. I ended up losing about $400 before I gave up gambling for the night.

My local friend who I met last year texted me and wanted me to join her for a burger and a beer, so I obliged, and it was a good couple of hours. The lamb burger I had from BLT Burger (Mirage) was incredible! I went back to my room at about 3am and crashed. As a bit of foreshadowing, this was BY FAR the earliest I went to bed all week.


Wednesday:


I wake up pretty late to a text from the "Vegas Rat Pack" (HurricaneBuckeye, SweetVibes, and myself) informing me that SweetVibes's flight through Denver had been delayed to an 11pm arrival. This would severely affect our ability to hit Surrender together. He pulled some strings and was able to switch flights to an 830pm arrival. Much better. Power move, SweetVibes.

I get ready and head out to eat Earl of Sandwich for brunch, as recommended by HurricaneBuckeye. For right around $10, I received a decent sandwich, chips, and a drink. Really not a bad place at all. I wandered back to the Cosmo to do some more gambling. Blackjack, video poker, and penny slots ruined me. That's two gambling sessions in a row that was quick and far from painless. On the bright side, I got to try a few pretty pleasant drinks.
- Essence of the Hedgehog from--not sure what the bar was called, but it had VP. Tequilla-based drink with a sugared rim and grapefruit soda along with other ingredients. Very sweet and delicious.
- Raspberry Lemondrop Martini--from the floor (gambling). An incredibly sweet drink that tastes like a more concentrated version of Simply Lemonade w/ Raspberry. I probably drank a half-gallon of these during my stay there (not an exaggeration, I had like 7-8 my last day!).
- Verbena from Chandelier 1.5. The dopest drink. Tequilla based drink with Ginger syrup, Yuzu bitters, and lemon juice topped with a szechuan button (flower). You chew on the flower for 30-60 seconds and swallow, then drink the Verbena. Your mouth and lips tingle and the taste profile is phenomenal. If you're within a 50 mile radius of the Cosmo at any given time, GO BUY THIS DRINK. Or make it at home; here's the recipe: http://bit.ly/234JHBw

I stumble over to Planet Hollywood to play in their 4pm poker tourney. 2 hours later after a couple big wins and big losses, I bow out and realize I'd drank 4 White Russians. Oh man. That explains a lot...
I get back to the Cosmo and somehow manage to drunkenly win close to $200 back on free bet blackjack. I then dragged myself up to my room.


SweetVibes's flight was delayed again to 12am local arrival. I don't remember the details of why the 8:30pm didn't work out, but it didn't. I was devastated, but I knew I had to stay in the game. I bought a ticket to see Skrillix at Surrender and paid the $10 additional fee for expedited entry. I set my alarm and crashed hard onto my wonderful bed.


I woke up in a bit of a daze. Whether it was the alcohol, the hunger, the jet-lag, or a combination, it was rough. My heart knew exactly what to do in this situation, and I was off to McDonalds! On the way back I grabbed some milk for my in-room White Russians, and I was set. Turned on some hype music and I was ready to hit the road.


I call an Uber and I'm off to Surrender at Encore. I wander through the casino to find a MASSIVE line. I asked one of the bouncers where the line for expedited entry was, and he opened the rope and let me through. No wait whatsoever! Honestly, that's probably the best $10 I've ever spent.


When I got into the club, it wasn't too busy yet, which surprised me. This was probably due to the fact that they were letting people in so slowly. I heard that Skrillix was set to come on at around 130 or 2, so I grabbed a couple vodka RedBulls and got to work. I've never been very ballsy when it comes to girls--particularly when I'm alone, so I hung back and just enjoyed the scene and the vibes. Talked to a group of guys for a little while but then pulled off on my own for a bit.


I'm standing there sipping when these two Asian girls come up to me, and the more attractive of the two begins to absolutely DESTROY me for how I'm holding my drink. Apparently she didn't like the way I was bending my straw. Normally you laugh things off like this and flirt back, but the straw was poking me in the eye until I did that, so of course I explained this to her. We started nagging each other and soon got to dancing, and her friend gave her the nod and walked off. Winner winner chicken dinner. I found out her name was ****** and that she went to *******, and we danced and made out for a long while until Skrillix came on at 1am sharp. She grabbed my hand and rushed the stage, but she was so small, I couldn't keep up. I lost her in the crowd. Oh well, she grabbed my number so if she really wanted to talk to me she'd just text me later (She did, but after the trip was over L).


Skrillix. I'm really not a huge fan, but the energy was INSANE. This dude was pumping out jam after jam, and the crowd was loving life. I vibed with the crowd for 3+ hours and got right next to the stage at one point. What a performance! Still not a huge fan, but will definitely go to a concert if he's anywhere nearby me. The crowd thinned out at around 3:30, even though he was still going hard--I walked out as well. I was very tired and very dehydrated. No sign of ******, but I can't say I looked very hard.


SweetVibes had landed by the time I got out, and was already working on some girl downstairs at the Cosmo. I should probably say some girl was working on him, because he was not interested whatsoever. I hadn't met him yet, so I decided I'd let him do his thing and catch up with him in the morning. I ironed another shirt or two, organized a little, drank some Pedialyte, and fell asleep.

- - - Updated - - -

Thursday:


I woke up at a semi-decent hour and immediately pounded more Pedialyte. I was surprisingly not hungover, but I was still taking every precaution. After a few texts from the group chat, I showered and headed up to meet SweetVibes and his friend, stationed just 2 floors above me in a wrap-around suite.


I knock, and the door is answered by SweetVibes. First impression: this guy is cool as hell. Super friendly, but I'm obviously unsure if it's just being polite or whatever. I meet his buddy Keith and we talk for a few minutes, throw back some Ciroc, and smoke one (tobacco, obviously) before heading down to the Wicked Spoon for breakfast/brunch. Note that this was the first time I'd smoked (tobacco, duh) in almost 2 years, so I had no idea what it was going to do to me. I felt pretty at home with these guys. I was still a little uncomfortable just because I couldn't get a good read on either of them yet, but conversation and such seemed pretty easygoing and relaxed. It didn't hurt that the food was AMAZING. Seriously--it was all amazing, from their perfectly cooked mac n' cheese to their cheesecake to their pork belly. The sushi was a bit lacking, but nobody's perfect. I'm also a huge sushi snob.


We split after brunch and head to our respective rooms (I may have lost $200 more in blackjack at this point), and I just kind of let them make the plans. I didn't want to force myself into their plans if they weren't feeling good vibes from me or something. But sure enough, SweetVibes shoots me a text and we're on for the evening. We head down to Vesper bar and SweetVibes pulls up for a wild three from downtown: he approaches these two girls sitting at the bar, both cute, but one is definitely near the top of the food chain. Both are from LA and they're heading back that night, but that's not slowing anyone down. SweetVibes drains the 3.


Keith and I go up to the bar a couple minutes after and begin talking to them as well. Natalie was the stunner, and Julianna was her also-cute friend. We all kind of got to know each other, and SweetVibes and Natalie were clearly feeling good chemistry. All five of us head up to SweetVibes's suite and drink a little bit and smoke another one (tobacco! I wish I didn’t have to keep clarifying). We're all having a great time when there's a knock on the door.


It's Steve. It's freaking Steve. SweetVibes has hyped this guy up to me so much saying how we'd get along well, share similar tactics, etc etc. He seemed cool, but i didn't get to talk to him too much at the time since we had company. At some point soon after this, I had a revelation. I had been in Vegas two nights solo already and had a great time. This was my first day with people (friends?) and it was already clear to me that this was going to work. These girls were awesome. These guys were awesome. I decided that this was going to be a pretty great week.


I blame the tobacco smoking/drinking combination for my lack of memory this night; I'm going completely off of the drunken notes I took randomly throughout the night.
We started out by going to the Bank at Bellagio. I remember it being fairly crowded, but not really a good scene. I'm picky when it comes to being comfortable in a scene at a club--I don't know how the other three guys felt. We didn't stay there long and rolled out to Omina at Caesars Palace.


I almost had a Steph Curry moment en route. On our way to Omina, someone had one of those portable basketball games set up. A kid shot from about 12-15 feet away and almost missed the entire thing. He managed to hit the back, but it was very nearly an airball. Being the basketball fanatic and heckler that I am, I yell "DEANDRE JORDAN. WE'VE GOT DEANDRE JORDAN!" Needless to say, this didn't make DeAndre very happy, so he threw me the ball as a challenge and said "You try" in a HEAVY European accent. I don't want to exaggerate the distance here, so I will just say that I was a very, very long ways away from the basket. As soon as I catch the ball, I take a dribble and pull up like a young Steph. The shot was so perfectly in-line, but came up just short when it bounced off the front of the rim. DeAndre had been silenced.


Omina had a much better vibe, but again I really wasn't feeling into it. Same deal for Hakkasan at MGM, except the smoke in there was actually making me sick to my stomach. Maybe it was because it was sensory overload, maybe it was because I was self-conscious of how I was acting in front of new friends, maybe it was the tobacco and alcohol--whatever it was, I felt like I was being a drag. Lil Jon put on a good show, but after a while I told either Steve or Keith that I was headed out, and I bounced.


I was fortunate that I didn't end up totally alone that night, because I was in a serious phase of second-guessing myself. The same local from BLT Burger texted me and wanted to come over, so I obviously obliged. We hooked up, had a good time, and she was out in the morning. She also sent me a snapchat the following day of *** *** **** * **** ** ***. Yikes, Joast.

- - - Updated - - -

Friday:


FRIDAY. This is the day we finally get to meet the Old Bull, HurricaneBuckeye! This man seemed like he was going to be absolutely buck-wild and not give a damn about anything.


I don't remember the morning other than Pedialyte and meeting up with the boys before taking a cab (or uber...?) to Hard Rock. HurricaneBuckeye had notified us that he was balls deep in a local redhead, and that said redhead would be joining us. We meet them at the Center Bar, and HurricaneBuckeye does not disappoint. The dude is a walking can of Red Bull. He's perpetually one cup of coffee away from a caffeine overdose. The energy is overwhelming, but contagious. Also, it's important to note that HurricaneBuckeye thought SweetVibes was going to be the "IT guy" type of Indian. He was unsure of what to expect. We all shared a good laugh about this.

We hop into line with HurricaneBuckeye and his girl, and we did not get the expedited service we were expecting. We had to wait in line like everyone else. In addition, we got relocated. I was worried about this, but then when we were walked to our cabana, it was stationed immediately in front of the DJ. SO sick. The redhead had left sometime in this half-hour, because she wasn't planning on staying long anyways, so it was just the boys! We all had a good time. I once again lack the testicular fortitude to do much approaching at this party, but watched as SweetVibes, HurricaneBuckeye, and Keith all spit game at multiple girls.

It was here that we met Dawi and Gil, a couple from Holland. More on them later.

I manage to not get burnt (thanks for the sunscreen, boys) and have a great time. This being the first pool party I'd been to, I was very impressed. At the end, when we all paid our dues to HurricaneBuckeye for the Cabana, he rushed over to the blackjack table and threw it down all on one hand ($400-$500). HurricaneBuckeye was dealt a hard 17, and dealer showed Ace. Nooooooo. Hole card was an 8, and all of HurricaneBuckeye's cabana money was now owned by the Hard Rock. He shook it off and said goodbye--not to be heard from for a long time. This was sort-of a theme throughout the trip.

I have absolutely no recollection of what happened between evening and night on Friday, but I know we assembled and grabbed an Uber to XS for table service at the David Guetta show. Once again, these boys are popping another cherry of mine: this will be the first time I've done bottle service in Vegas. Drunk and having a blast in the Uber, we were talking and joking about girls, obviously, when SweetVibes uttered the most memorable line of the whole trip: "Go go Gadget D**K!"

I lost it. That is one of the top-10 funniest things I've heard all year, and that is what my trip report will be named.

Once in XS, SweetVibes gave the bouncer a generous handshake, and we got one of the cabanas just outside the stage area and to the right--an awesome location. So much happened this night, I'm not even sure where to begin. My memory is also very hazy, now reflecting a week later.

Our bottles come out, and we have a couple drinks to start the night. SweetVibes, Keith, Steve, and myself are standing around drinking and talking for a bit, when I am informed of the "Four-second Rule." Apparently, when you lock-on to a girl and decide that you want to make a move, you have 4 seconds or less to initiate, or else the door of opportunity is slammed shut. I'm thinking, "Yeah man, whatever. Four seconds is way too short."

Steve points to a girl directly across from our table. "You see her? You think she's cute?"

"She's alright. She'd be good for practice..."

"Four seconds." Steve was completely straight-faced. He is the wise one, the General Council.

I laugh, shrug it off. That girl is going to be available at least a few minutes. Approximately four seconds later I hear "Holy s***!' followed by everyone dying of laughter. I look over, and the same girl is making out with her friend (a girl). The window of opportunity had slammed shut. Steve utters another legendary phrase at this point, "Shot clock violation." Not 2 minutes later, this grimy, unkempt man waddles over to this girl, literally leading with his manhood. I'm not even sure if they exchanged pleasantries, but they began to make-out. I was in shock. I could not believe the robbery I had just witnessed, so I simply said, "Turnover!"

Our table got rushed by a herd of like 6-8 girls (presumably looking for free drinks), and the boys were talking to 2-3 of them. I was actually taking a breather, sitting on the top of the bench when all of a sudden I was literally surrounded by these 4 or 5 girls. It was terrifying. Single-file line, ladies. I talked with a couple of them, but it was very hard to keep a conversation when everyone kept butting in and destroying any momentum I gained with one. Steve mentioned something about me having the "full-court press" on me. The man is a genius. Basketball analogies were used the rest of the week.

We ran into Dawi and Gil from Rehab pool party, and they mingled with us for the rest of the night. There was a strange dynamic between them that I couldn't put my finger on. They were married, but they seemed like close friends rather than partners--it was odd. AWESOME people though. SweetVibes also found two girls from Rehab that he had talked to a little bit there, Yael and Elisa. He was really feeling Yael and was deep in conversation with her, so I started talking to Elisa. I truly enjoyed her, but I don't really remember what happened. She just kind of left at one point. I'm clearly no Mariano Rivera.

I did walk around with Keith once and Steve once, starting a meager conversation every now and then, but nothing came to fruition.


Side-note, Bieber made an appearance, which was cool.


My phone started blowing up due to this girl, Fer, I matched with on Tinder the night before. She kept asking where I was sitting because she was at XS as well, and I kept telling her. Her friends wouldn't let her leave by herself (???) so I went to meet her near the entrance. We talked for a few minutes and were in the process of making plans for later when her friend came up and grabbed her and dragged her away. What a b****. We remained in contact, but didn't meet up again.


Frustrated, I wandered back to the table area to find the boys. The area was closed; the boys were gone. I had a moment of panic, but then I realized I had my money, phone, and room key--I was okay. I exited XS and waited for a couple minutes to see if they would turn-up, but it was so crowded that I eventually called it quits. SweetVibes wasn't answering his texts, so I assumed his phone was dead. I grabbed an Uber and headed back to the Cosmopolitan.


Okay so I don't know who this SweetVibes guy is, has done, or what his deal is, but clearly he has something going for him. After I accidentally split from them, sometime during the night two girls approached him and the boys RECOGNIZING HIM FROM LAST YEAR. Apparently they didn't even hang out or anything. From what I understand, they only stood near each other at a taxi stand last spring. They were like "Yeah, that's him!!" My only thought is that these girls were fantasizing about him all year. How do you just recognize someone that you don't even know like that a WHOLE YEAR later? Insane. I wish I could've witnessed that.

- - - Updated - - -

Saturday:


Once again I woke up and immediately went to my stash of Pedialyte and downed a full glass. I checked my phone and had nothing from SweetVibes, so his phone must still be dead. I was wondering what they may have gotten into. Today I have $200 in resort credit to use, so I'm considering buying some threads for the Saturday night out. We have no plans yet, but I'm sure we'll throw something together before too long.


The boys and I head out to Chipotle for some grub, and then walked around the casino a bit. I wandered over to the Craps table and made about $80 before calling it quits. SweetVibes and Keith dipped pretty early, but Steve stayed to gamble and play roulette for another 20 minutes or so. He eventually went up to the room too, so I was left to gamble solo. I played some backjack, slots, roulette, and ultimate Texas Hold Em, and received my first purple chip! I proudly took this up to the suite to show the boys, and we began drinking once again.


The night approached quickly, and we had no real plans set in place. SweetVibes was talking to Yael from the night before and hitting it off with her--so we all decided to hit Marquee right there in the Cosmopolitan. We're all standing in line and there were two real problems. First of all, SweetVibes is tied down for the night. That's not a PROBLEM, but it means we should probably give him his space to work and to close. Secondly, the line is NOT moving. I was getting restless. Steve, Keith, and I throw around the idea of a gentleman’s club, and all three of us are on-board. Like a sign from the gods, my contact started acting up, so we told SweetVibes our plan, but used the contact issue as a front for all of us to leave. Mission accomplished. Yael probably knew, but whatever.


We felt a little bad about just leaving SweetVibes in the dust, and even second-guessed ourselves for a second. But as we were walking through the hallways of the Cosmopolitan, I started hearing "Antidote" by Travis Scott playing in my head. We had been singing this song all day, and it was becoming sort-of a theme song for the trip. The tune was getting louder and more clear as I kept walking, when all of a sudden we saw this man in a suit sitting at a piano playing Antidote. The gods had spoken. The gentleman’s club was the correct move.


We head to Sapphires and I'm determined not to blow as much money here as I did last year. I won't get into details about this because it's a gentleman’s club--we all know what was happening. But I will say this: there was a point where I started tipping a girl from Cleveland on stage. I was getting it started and threw out three dollars. Something about my tip she didn't like because she said "If that's how you're going to tip, you can get off my stage" or something. I snapped something back and she kicked my money back at me. The guys around me weren't very appreciative of it either, and hardly anyone tipped. She didn't even dance--just stood there moping. I was so confused. I assured everyone around me that not all girls from Cleveland were this bad (I’m originally from near Cleveland)--she heard me. A girl from Miami came onto stage after her, and I looked Cleveland straight in the eyes as I dropped at least 20 $1's on Miami. It was very satisfying for both myself and Miami. I went back to my seat and eventually got a couple dances from this girl named Chris. Pretty sure I fell in love with her. I just can't believe I got in a fight with a girl on stage. I also can't believe I was in a gentleman’s club on Easter morning. I feel like that's a one-way ticket to hell.


We arrived back at the Cosmopolitan, and we headed over to the slots. Steve and Keith had flights out in the morning so this was the last time I'd be able to hang out with them. We played slots for a bit, but nothing eventful happened. I said goodbye to Steve and Keith as they headed up to their room. It was truly awesome meeting these guys. At some point during the day, the three guys had tagged me with the name, "The Chosen One," or, "Chosen1." I could not be more grateful haha.


I get to my room absolutely s***faced at about 8am and order room service since I have the $200 resort credit. I obviously chose the steak and eggs. I was told it would be about 50 minutes, so I set an alarm for 830. I wake up to a soft voice calling, "Mr. Joast... Mr. Joast? Did you order room service?"


Oh my gosh. I roll over and there is this cute, young black girl behind a cart of food in my room. The door is closed. I don't know what's happening. I check my phone--825. I make sure I am clothed and hop out of bed. This seemed like the intro to some weird porno. I was still heavily intoxicated, and this woman kept asking me question after question about my trip, where I'm from, etc. I don't have time for this nonsense; I could barely string together cohesive responses. She leaves, I inhale the food, and I pass out. $55.

- - - Updated - - -

Sunday:


I wake up hurting. I've had hangovers; I've had double-hangovers from two consecutive days, but I've never experienced anything like this. The pain in the back of my neck, the pulsing of my brain, the sensitivity to the light, and the extremely swollen glands told me it was time for a day off. I struggled to mix a glass of Pedialyte and down it. I curse the handle of Tito's vodka sitting next to it.


SweetVibes and Keith pay a visit to my room. Apparently Keith's flight got delayed, and he received like $1300 in compensation for it. Homie is getting PAID to spend another day in Paradise. We share some laughs about the night before. SweetVibes fills us in on the details surrounding Yael, and we tell him about the girls at the gentleman’s club. None of us have much energy at this point, and I really do want to take a day off.


But... this is Vegas. HurricaneBuckeye lit up our phones with pictures of Encore Beach Club at XS. He was having a blast. Apparently Dawi and Gil were there, and let SweetVibes know. After an incredibly quick discussion, I was back to pounding vodka Red Bulls, and we were out the door in an hour.


EBC was dope. Soo many beautiful people having a great time. HurricaneBuckeye met someone people in a cabana and invited me to join, so I said yes with no hesitation. We arrived at the cabana and everything/everyone was gone--including his girls and wallet. The staff guy said they got kicked out because the person who reserved the cabana wasn't paying his tab or something. I was lost, and HurricaneBuckeye was slightly worried. No one really fished too hard here, as we just drank and enjoyed the vibes of the environment. The Red Bull can with biceps (HurricaneBuckeye) was on the prowl most of the afternoon, giving people items from his swag bag that he brought to the pool. The DJ was pretty good, and although I'm not writing much about it, I don't want to understate it--I had a great time here and will most definitely go back in the future.


Gil kindly drove us back to our hotel, and we separated into our respective rooms. I say goodbye to Keith for real this time, and PTFO’d,


I wake up at 10pm in the same state I'd been in all day: intolerable pain. I am definitely not going out tonight. No word from HurricaneBuckeye or SweetVibes in a while, so I was about to fall back asleep when my phone buzzed. SweetVibes, "I'm dying of death." Pretty accurate depiction of what I'm feeling myself. Well said.


Somehow, SweetVibes and I rally once again and take advantage of a couple free passes he has to Hakkasan. Upstairs, I met a British girl named Katie (she actually introduced herself as "Katie with a K", which I found hysterical). I talked with her for a good 10-15 mins, and then found out she was engaged. That blows. Great girl, but I wasn't going to spend my whole night talking to her, ESPECAILLY since she was hella worried about her friend talking to a guy at the bar. Her friend wasn't even engaged—relax, Katie with a K! I say it was nice meeting her and bounce.


Down in the pit where the dancing was, confetti and LED-lit balloons were flying everywhere. It was a mad house! A Punjabi girl to our right kept eye-f***ing SweetVibes, and when he approached her, she basically snubbed him. Who does that? She continued to stare afterwards too. I don't get women. The DJ pumped out jam after jam, and the energy in the place was incredible. HurricaneBuckeye had made contact with SweetVibes saying we should go to Drai's after hours at the Cromwell, so we bounced at about 2:15 to grab food before that.


HurricaneBuckeye went MIA. Again. The guy has a better disappearing act than most magicians in Vegas.


SweetVibes and I chill at McDonalds for at least an hour just talking and reflecting on the trip. We didn't even bother hitting Drai's. There was a Mexican girl from Tinder messaging me, Gyssel, who apparently was at Hakkasan as well. She couldn't find the food court I was in, so I just accepted that it wasn't going to happen. SweetVibes heads up to his room (he'd moved to MGM), and I take an Uber back to the Cosmo to retire for the night.


I was in bed for about 30 seconds when Gyssel starts texting me again. We talk for a few minutes and she gets an Uber to the Cosmo. She's completely disinterested in gambling or grabbing a drink--probably because it's like 5am, so we head up to my room. We're sitting on the couch talking. She has very broken English, but there were only a couple times where communication was actually a struggle. I had no idea what this girl wanted. She comes in and sits on my couch, talks, doesn't want anything to drink, and is stone-cold most of the time. I was uncomfortable. About 60-90 minutes into the hangout, I mention that I'm heading to bed soon and that she can join if she wants. She was hesitant, so I advised her to get an Uber. That was pointless!


After speaking with her post-trip, apparently she was really into me but didn't think I was into her. Classic 5th grade mix-up right there. I guess I'll be more forward in situations like that in the future. I didn't think there was any way she was into me with the way she was acting. Then again, what do I know about Mexico?

- - - Updated - - -

Monday:


My 1030am alarm wakes me up, and I call downstairs for a late-check out. $100 later, I'm extended until 3pm. I fall abck asleep until about 130pm, and SweetVibes hits Wet Republic at MGM.

I check out at 3, and apparently there was a mix-up and my $200 room credit didn't transpire. Wonderful, so I actually dropped $55 of my personal money on that steak and eggs?!

I head to the casino for one last fix of gambling. Long story short, here's what happened:
- Lose $400 in Free Bet Blackjack
- Win $200 on penny slots
- Win $500 on quarter slots
- Win another $200 on 2-cent slots

Note that all three of these hits were within 30 spins. The first and last were easily within 10 spins.

- Head to the high-limit slot room and hit for $1860
- Play a penny slot and hit for another $200

Huge afternoon, and I walked with over $2000 cash.

I have SweetVibes's liquor that he had in my room, so I head up to his room at MGM after his beckoning. Apparently he has a couple girls in there. I arrive, and he has these two super cute UK girls in his room drinking and vibing to music. We all start talking and drinking. After I told everyone that I hit big on a slot, I started throwing my $100s all over the girls. I bet Cleveland would've enjoyed that, b****. I was so jealous that SweetVibes got to spend the night partying with them at XS. HurricaneBuckeye send the group chat a picture of two girls he was with. It was the third time in 2 days that he sent the exact same picture--not sure if he realized. I didn't even realize it until after the trip.

And that was it. I boarded my plane, got maybe 90 minutes of sleep on the way back, arrived home at 820am and headed to work for our audit at 9am. I died that day.

- - - Updated - - -

So this report was mostly factual, event-based, and devoid of emotion or what I thought of the trip as a whole, so I just want to devote a section to the people I met and general feeling that I had during the trip.

I had the time of my life. I'm having trouble even getting my mind to imagine how much fun I was having, because it's THAT out of the ordinary. I was on a Vegas high. That's the only way I can put it. Day after day after night after night--there's nothing like it, guys. There is nothing else like it. In the words of MIA, "Live fast, die young." I'll be going back until I can't walk anymore.

It sounds crazy to anyone who hasn't been there, but Vegas gives you a feeling different from anything else.
There are thousands of places to gamble these days. There are many cities with great nightlife. So what keeps people coming back? What's so euphoric about Vegas? If you don't understand, maybe you should check it out for yourself.

To SweetVibes--
Thank you man. You completely changed my outlook on Vegas. I was addicted before, but you showed me such a great time that I'm even more addicted now. We both know I wasn't on your caliber, but I was happy to learn from the MSYG himself. You were a lot more chill than I had anticipated, and I want to thank you for welcoming me into your group. I had a trip I won't soon forget, and you were a big piece of that.

To Keith--
Bro, first off, apologies for the amount of times I roasted you on Snapchat; the opportunities were just too perfect, I guarantee it. You're funny as hell and I loved hanging out with you and the boys. The next time you're able to swing another trip, loop me in man. Thank you for welcoming me. Keep it lit in the 6 for me, and don't you open up that window.

To Steve--
I don't know what this bulls**t about me being the honorary General Council was about, because I am in no way on your playing field of intellect or wisdom. You're the only person I know that would get a huge b***r from a ripper talking to you about the difference between the US and Canadian economies. Great meeting you man, and we gotta meet-up sometime in the future. Also, big thanks for the Free Bet token. It's a huge keepsake from the trip.

To HurricaneBuckeye--
What the f**k man.

To RussT--
Apologies for blowing you off bro. Once you see the video of these two UK girls, you'll understand completely.

To Chris--
I love you.

 

LOL, when I get my energy back and do my trip report you will see why I disappeared a lot. Next year, same casino then it won't happen as frequently!!! "Walking can of Red Bull", I like that. Told you they call me Hurricane. I blow through and devastate, then just as quickly disappear. Your a COOL CAT JOAST!!! Till next time my brother. Or perhaps a Category 5 needs to hit the East Coast this summer?

 

Haha, it was a pleasure, sir! You are a wild one for sure, and it was awesome being around you and thriving off your energy (when you were around haha). I saw some of those pictures/videos you sent man, and I look forward to your TR with great anticipation. It looked like you had an absolute blast!!!

Until next time, my man. As we cheers'd to at Rehab, this could be the beginning of an annual occurrence!

 

God I feel old now

 

Fantastic TR, getting me excited for next month!

 

JOAST!

It was honor to do this trip with you. So many more epic stories I am glad you so eloquently removed

You have also inspired me to take notes for future trips!...I guess this is why you're the new GC

 

Bro I'm just gonna start calling you Draino: you make s*** go DOWN.

Honor on my side as well. Like I said, you showed me a new side of Vegas and I am forever grateful. Let's do this again sometime

 

LOL!!!

Let this be the beginning of the dynasty....speaking of doing it again...I just made the pivot step (see timer below)

 

wow- my trips are boring compared to this! Ha! Thanks for sharing!

 

Everyone experiences Vegas differently! I'm sure there's foodies out there who have gone for beautifully crafted meals and had a better time, respectively. That's the beauty of it

- - - Updated - - -

RAINING THREES bahahahaa

YOU TRY.

 

Just wanted to give a photo of the "disappearing act" on your trip report! Lol

 

thats the way to do it!!

nicely done. i could handle maybe a day and a half of this. as mentioned earlier, after reading this TR, I feel old!!! thanks for sharing. i used to do vegas this way, now i cant stand losing days to hangovers, so i have dialed it wayyyyyyy back. yeah, i know, thats why they make pedialyte and morning drinking!!! heading back in July. CANT F-IN WAIT!!!!

 

I think I do too at 36...lol

I still get about as trashed as he does, but it's mostly in front of a VP machine...:evillaugh

Nice report and great detail! But if you're chasing tinder tail Joast, where's the pic of your $1860 handpay? VMB loves slot porn!

 

Good call. Here's one!

 

Have a blast man! I'm having a difficult time waiting until next trip!

 

I'm right there with you!

Fun TR, thanks for sharing your wild ride!!

 

Great report, thanks for sharing.

 

nice tr...makes me wish I cared about the way I looked