When they get too old to drive

My oldest brother is 78, my twin brothers are 75. Today twin brother #1 got into his second accident in 4 months. Same thing both times. He didn't stop at a stop sign out in a rural area he has driven for decades and got t-boned. Jaws of life needed to extract him and both cars totaled. Today in his new car, he ran a stop sign and a school bus nailed him. Again nobody hurt, but I'm sure once the lawyers get a hold of it, the kids on the bus will be hurt and traumatized.

Twin #2s driving also scares the sh*t out of me. Neither of them concentrate on their driving. Crap, I'm only 63 and I hope this isn't what I have to look forward to.

After today's accident, he says he realizes he can't be driving anymore. We're a stubborn family and I'd bet in a month he'll be out car shopping. I don't know how to stop that. Both times he could have been killed.

Twin #2's wife, says she has to drive everywhere with him because he doesn't pay attention and gets distracted.

Oldest brother only drives when he has no choice and has had no accidents.

I wasn't really expecting a solution by posting, maybe just a little venting helps.

 

My grandparents owned a farm. Once they got rid of the livestock they were free to travel in winter. They bought a second home in Ft Myers and drove down every winter. The trouble was my grandmother didn't drive and my grandfather couldn't turn his head because of a neck injury. So, she navigated the entire 1,300 mile trip there and back each year. She did the check left, check right at every intersection and told him when it was safe to go.

Scary stuff, but they did it that way for 20+ years.

 

I am going through this right now with my Dad. He hasn't hit anything yet but I expect the phone call anytime. Scary stuff. He won't listen to me or my sister so now the Dr. is going to be stepping in.

 

My mom was dangerous also. Once I went home to find a big smash on her car. I returned home a year later and saw the smash. I asked her how come she still didn't fix her damage from the prior year ---- her comment was that she did fix the car, this is a new one. I am glad that the dr. didn't approve of renewing her license after that (after 75 or 80 they require annual or every 2 year renewals and may require the dr. to approve it), I was afraid of her killing or injuring someone. Mom stopped driving at age 81.

But then I returned to Maui this past weekend. My uncle who is 92 is still driving. My grand aunt is 97 and she stopped driving last year. Real scary. It is unfortunate, some people seem to be sound but as they get older that can change but they still get in the car and drive.

 

I was on a trip with my father last weekend. It was the first time I realized how bad his driving has become. He would not let me drive since he knew his way around the city better than I did and the rental was in his name. I don't know that I want him driving me anywhere anymore. The conversation about him not driving is not going to be an easy one.

 

In a sense, this is something we all should look forward to having to deal with because it means they're still around; my wife won't have that luxury with her dad.

In our experiences the checkbook has been the more difficult task, though the car thing is perhaps the most tangible example of the end of "freedom." We're getting close to that point soon (car) with another family member.

 

How old is your dad? In some states they require an annual doctor's note to renew their license. If that is the case in your dad's state you could speak with his physician to warn him that your dad may not be safe driving a car in the future. Unfortunately that may end his driving (which may be a good thing for everybody except for your dad). Many elderly people feel a sense of power and freedom driving a car and when you take that away it takes away their feeling of power. Not easy having or finding someone to take them around since they can't drive anymore.

 

I guess it's something we will all face eventually. What I don't like, is when I read comments after a 70+ year old is in an accident. So many comments are, "They shouldn't be driving at that age!"

You have no idea if age was a factor, or even if the person caused the accident. I golf with several guys in their 70's, who drive just fine. I do think that we should ALL have to take a road test every time we renew our license. Lots of people shouldn't be out there!

 

I agree. I know some people in their 60's who shouldn't be driving. And I know some in their 90's who still drive okay (but they drive slow). But it very hard to make them realize that they could be endangering others, many don't want to give up their licenses.

 

I assume you still live in WI and here a DL is issued for 8 fricking years.

 

My late mother crashed twice in the same exact spot. The first time she hit a cop in his personal car and the second time was a soldier's wife. Luckily, no one was injured or sued her.

 

I asked my 87 y.o. dad if he really should still be driving. He had had a few minor fender benders and I was concerned that not only could he hurt himself, but that he could hurt other people, possibly kids. His answer to me was, "I'll stop driving when I'm dead." Well, the following month he made a left turn in front of oncoming traffic. The end.

 

My mother is 84..no medications fiesty as ever...She still drives to store and church we have tried but gave up on telling her not to drive.
Her favorite saying is if ya take my keys your out of will lol

 

Wow..that is awful.

My Father in law is 88, he should not be on the road in my opinion. But his trips to Walmart are his excitement for the day.
It is so hard to take their freedom away.

 

I had to convince the doctor that my mother wasn't competent enough to drive. Long story, she really, really wasn't. He was worried about his own ass and a complaint against himself. She was 90. Even then, the licensing agency didn't accept she might not still not want her license. I might have lost that letter.

Another story is a neighbour. I estimating him at 80. He told my husband about how he'd had several driving tests, failed them several times and how furious he was that he'd lost his licence. He doesn't drive more than ten times a day now. Duh. Logistically, this is a difficult one to report. The police won't attend a minor complaint; he has to be caught by them. His car is licensed and it might not be him driving it.

My biggest hope is that they get these self-driving cars approved sooner than later. My time is coming.

 

Joe, I'm glad that nobody got seriously hurt or killed. But maybe it's time for them to sit down and really think this through.

I know for myself I've already made the decision to take myself off the road once I know I don't have what it takes to focus 100% on driving.

Two years ago I was told that my eyesight is very slowly but surely deteriorating. I have glaucoma. I have medication for this and go twice a year to a specialist to check how I'm doing. The medicine will not cure it but it can prolong the condition.

Anyway when the time comes it's taxis, uber, lyft, busses, and whomever family members I can bribe to bring me around.....

 

My mother stopped driving when she was in her late 70's. Only because she broke her hip (previously she fell and broke the other hip two years prior). After she got out of rehab we went to the doctor together. She was told that her doctor had to clear her to drive. He told her he did not issue licenses and it was a fallacy that a doctor could have your license taken away. He did tell her that she needed to listen to her family and he did some balance exercises that she failed miserably on. She was already living with us so she agreed to let us take her where she wanted to go. She was not happy at all but she quit driving. The town I live in is a big retirement town. There are many accidents where someone runs a stop sign or a red light. We also had had several occasions where someone accidentally steps on the gas instead of the brake and jumps the curb and plows into a shop on Main Street. -- It has always been an elderly driver. I was told by the police officer here that if you have an elderly family member that you think should not be driving you can report that and they can require them to take a driving test again. I don't know they decide to make someone retest.

 

Isn't checking every 8 years better than never? Something needs to be done.


One thing I know about guys........Every single one of them thinks they are a great driver, and great lover!

 

I know this will be unpopular but I would hope that one day they would pass a law that requires a road test every year or every 2 years for people over a certain age (such as 80). That way the powers that be can see whether a person should be driving. Unfortunately that will be difficult since the road test section is swamped with people trying to get their licenses, adding thousands of elderly every year or 2 years will swamp them.

The problem is that the car is a way for some people to show their independence. Taking that away will make them feel like "invalids" and will take away some of their reason for living. Yes they have options like taxis and uber but then they wouldn't feel as independent as they do with a car.

I see the same thing in vegas, I feel more comfortable renting a car to get around, makes me feel independent since I can go anywhere, anytime and any direction I want. Without the rental my choices are limited to get around.

In Hawaii I think they require anyone over a certain age to show a doctors note in order to renew their license. This may be different because it may be possible to sue a doctor for allowing a senior to drive when they were unfit. I haven't seen any lawsuits of this type yet but I do know that the doctor didn't sign the papers for my mom so she couldn't renew her license.

While I feel for the elderly (I will be one of them in 15 or 20 years) I also fear them killing others with their driving. I think that should be the main thing, we are looking out so they don't cause injury or death to others because they are unfit to drive.