Suggestion for Gambling Compulsion, Depression, and Chasing?

Mod: Please move this thread to somewhere else if this is the inappropriate place to put it.

Note: I love this community but I do know a lot of us have strong compulsion to gamble be it sports, cards, or slots. Please don't take this thread as an insult to anyone here that loves gambling. I don't think I'll ever hate gambling per-se but for the time being, it's been depressing and I just want your suggestions and opinion on my situation.

Quick note about me to avoid wall of text:

• Age: 25-30
• Job income: 40-50k/year + benefits
• Location: Big metropolitan in the West Coast, USA where AVG RENT $2500-$3500/month LUCKILY. Live at home. (in a sense, I'm using this to justify that my losses aren't that bad. But in reality I know it's a necessity vs throwing away money for entertainment, of which I don't feel anymore.)
• Life style (crucial reasoning as to why I gamble): Go job M-F 8-5 doing a job I don't like or does not apply to career growth. Job however is very stable and has benefits. Thinking constantly that I should leave just for my own happiness. Plus commute is brutal (ETA: 2hour driving RT each way). Either hang out with GF or go home afterwards. Very vanilla it feels like at times because of how routine it is.
• Loss: $3,000 in 2015, $2,000 in 2014.

While I'm not super rich, as you can tell, I'm an adult now who still lives at home. I'm not rushing to move out as I'm saving money to move out with my GF or propose or to buy a house. In my cultural tradition, people live at home until they get married or committed to a relationship. In a sense I'm very grateful to be where I'm at.

My vice is sports betting. At first it started off as a hobby, depositing onto online sites like sportsbook and bovada knowing that if I lose it, I can afford it and it was all for fun. But it can also be linked to online casino or poker where I would occasionally play and go tilt.. even knowing the odds shittier then say in person and against me. I absolutely love gambling and I won't deny that. Unfortunately it has not been fun for me as of late. I do not have as much time to take off to go to Vegas (even tho it's only a short flight from where I'm at) and I do most of my gambling online. My money management is horrible and I end up depositing after I lose some.

Sometimes in 2015 I developed a habit of playing almost everyday, gambling on NBA, MLB, NFL, and NCAAF. It got to the point where I would calculate my losses and try to chase it back. Now mind you, at first I would still be conscious of my actions but I wouldn't really realize how much I have commited to it. I would only realize how much I lost would ultimately be money I've committed to the fun of it all and as "expendable" cash. I still put my the majority paycheck into my saving leaving a couple hundred into my checking to deposit into the sportsbook. All was fine until I would go on large losing sprees and depositing $100 on the same day I would hit 0 trying to chase my losses. But these "expendable" cash has been weighing me down since mid of last year.

I use to get a thrill in gambling. Watching sports game. After a while I would lose and my life style became a cycle, very vanilla. While I'm saving money to move out with my one day, I want to find something to occupy me. I think with my job having no growth prospect and the need for a change has helped contribute to my compulsive gambling. The need for something fun, maybe as a "side job" and earn some money. After losing several thousand, while in retrospect shouldn't hurt my life style since that's how much some people I know pay for rent, it is a lot of money. But in my mind I'm like "I don't have to pay for rent. I live at home. I'm saving a lot of money by not eating out as much as some people or splurging on luxury items or shopping a lot." I could have gone to Japan or France or New York - life changing experiences. I could have eaten wherever I want. It is a lot of money regardless of how you look at it especially in this economy where everything is expensive and nothing is free.

I'm at a point where it's not fun anymore. Even if I win $100 here and $100 there, I still realize that I'm down $2000-3000. Even if I get to $500 I would withdraw $400 of it and leave $100 thinking I can hit $500 again. Only to lose it, and put back the $400 I've withdrawn a week or so later. It's clinically demoralizing and I cannot find enjoyment in the games anymore even if it's my team that is playing.

While I'm still putting a lot of money away in my savings, I still can't help but feel guilty and depressed and like a loser for having this compulsive gambling addiction. I'm financially responsible with zero debt and great credit. But it's also knowing that I forked off 5k needless in the past 2 years is what's demoralizing. At times I'm thinking about chasing it all back with larger bets but I know that's a hole I don't want to go down to.

Once again, I'm not insulting anyone who loves to gamble and can afford it. All the power to you especially if you have money management. And even then, 5k to a lot of you might not be that much vs me who earned a yearly salary of 40-50k a year without owning my own home yet and a job without any growth prospect.

I've tried in the past couple months to weed off online gambling but it feels like it still has a grasp on me. Any suggestion or stories who has been through this stage in their late 20s is welcomed.

Thanks for the patience and sorry for all the texts!!! Happy gambling to all in Vegas and may you find enjoyment in it.

 

You should be applauded for having no debt, a healthy savings account, and for recognizing this way of life is not in your best interest. I have no fancy words of wisdom but if it's not fun anymore, you should find help to stop.

A friend and I started to gamble when we were 17 years old. He got the bug real bad back in high school. Luckily, I don't have it. I'm happy to break even and a $5 sports bet bet is all I need. My friend is not so lucky. He's been a compulsive gambler for the past 35 years and lives day to day looking to make a hit. He's got nothing to his name.

You sound like you have a good handle on reality. Take up golf or fly fishing or buy an old car and fix it up. Lots of things in life to spend time and money on that don't have the compulsive destructiveness of gambling.

 

I haven't been through this personally, but maybe these resources will help.

http://www.palazzo.com/casino/responsible-gaming.html
https://www.mlife.com/pages/responsible_gaming.html

I think the important thing here is that you're recognizing that it's not fun anymore. Hopefully with some assistance, that will make it easier for you to stop.

And with a GF, how do you still have disposable income?

 

Ok so you're maybe Greek or Italian and live in the Bay Area or The Valley?
First?, cold turkey on interent sports bets..only bets you make are going to be in Tahoe, Reno or Vegas from now on
[Hurts but that's the truth and you know it, sorry)

Second sports betting(or any betting for that matter? ARE NOT A SIDE JOB, period


Either find a better primary gig that has better pay and benefits or at least the same and upward mobility
And/or an actual side job

Never let your hobby become a job, side or not....you're sounding like a GA poster child
Stop now and reign it in...we all go on tilt now and again
The key is you're seeing where this is going and don't like it, so stop touching the stove for a while?
You already know it's hot

PM me if you want

 

Wow, I can never see a friend go through gambling depression. Granted I feel like sometimes I might be that guy sometimes. And yes, I don't have any debt and a healthy saving account but I'll have to credit that to my parents who worked hard and supported me plus helped me finance through school. I am forever grateful for my credit and I am repaying them back.

GF is probably a lot more responsible than me when it comes to money. Whenever I want to eat out she'll want to stay in and eat. Thank you for the links, I'll read up on it. But you make a valid point in that when it's not fun, I should definitely stop.

WOW spot on here, I am from that area (maybe that's why you can tell that I think 5k is not the biggest deal since money is extremely inflated here and 5k can be a months rent... Not Greek though, Asian. But I think Asians has a pretty big gamblnig culture as is but also my upbringing taught the value of money as well. I think this is a major factor as to why I'm sad over what I've lost as oppose to seeing it as entertainment money. Whenever I go on trips and spend it in the casino I have zero regret if I lose it all because I know ti's entertainment. But you are right. Online books is a hard concept to grasp when it comes to money management since it's just "numbers" vs bills or chips you might have in your hand at the casino. The joy of that vs what you have physically in your hand is extremely different. And the analogy of touching the stove is spot on as well. I keep going back thinking it has cooled down when my hand keeps getting burned. Thank you, I will PM you with further questions when I feel the need from an experienced player.

 

Move out. Grinding day to day trying to make ends meet is a healthy. It makes you independent and is the ultimate hobby. Every time you gamble and lose you are pushing this life changing event back. This is the depression you are feeling. Once you get comfortable on your own, you will appreciate those dollars saved for a trip to Vegas, and enjoy life and gambling more.

 

Thank you! Completely understand your prospective. While I have some concept of the value of money, I am too ignorant while living comfortably and don't understand the true value when I don't have monthly bills and loan to pay when I purchase a house or to even rent away from home. Even 5k would have been substantial in my future investment of a home.Granted I don't know how I can afford a house in this economy.. for the time being, I should stop needlessly throwing money away. Even with two incomes (me and my GF's) it'll probably a be a couple years before we can even put down a down payment on house in the SF Bay Area, CA.

 

If it's not fun you should quit.

But the amount of money you've lost relative to your income and expenses is nothing.

So it doesn't sound like you have a gambling addiction as much as an unhealthy attachment to losing money.

I would say gambling isn't for you.

Take up a new hobby and spend your money there and hopefully you'll be happier.

 

You see gambling as a form of income.....that's why you won't deposit your entire winnings in the bank.

It sounds like you are more depressed because you don't own a home....not because your losses are $5k over 2 years.

Without sounding unsympathetic....gambling is not for you!!!!

 

Agree that if it is not fun, its time to stop. And I wouldn't worry too much. You're not a gambling addict. People on the Board joke about being degenerates, but really none of us are. We are just Vegas and gambling enthusiasts. I have witnessed first hand people with true addiction, gambling and otherwise. If you had a true gambling addiction, you would already be broke. Life for most people can be mundane at times. You just need to find a new rush since you're not getting that from gambling anymore

 

I think you really need to look at your life and figure out what your actual problems are. Over the last 2 years you've lost an average of a little less than $50/week gambling. I spent more money than this in bar bills when I was your age 25 years ago. Your actual problem is that your life sucks. Mostly because of where you live. You make $50k a year and live in the Bay Area. The Bay Area is an awesome place to live if you can afford it. You can't. It may be hard, but you need to do two things. A) Figure out if your girlfriend is your future. B) Find a place where you can get a job in your field that has a lower cost of living. If A is true, convince GF you need to move to get your future started. If not, find a new place to live without her. Your $50K isn't great in Houston, but it's a living wage. Depending on your job, you have a lot of opportunity to be somewhere much cheaper that still is a reasonably large city.

 

Most of my gambol friends are AZN so when you PM me? You're covers are getting blown and I'll straighten you out like a degen uncle...you're not in as much trouble as you think... as long as you stay off the web

 

I think you are ok. True gamblers with problems don't fixate on how much they've lost. They just move on...so in reality I'm worse than you are. I understand the Asian thing...

I think you are just bored, because of the whole unsatisfying job issue; find a new hobby that has more bang for your buck. Better yet, find a more satisfying job closer to your home, might be for less pay but you will be happier. The daily commute in CA can really grind you down ...

 

I agree with the others, when it's not fun you should stop. I've went through times where it's not fun anymore and have taken a long break (6-12 months). Easier said than done for some people but there is definitely help available if need be. You will get a lot of good advice here too.

 

Addicts don't have to be dead broke before realizing they need help. It is frequently the case however that most don't seek help until their loved ones ask them to choose the addiction or their family. But not all. It is brave of you to confront what you are feeling now & I encourage you to keep exploring your feelings. I also encourage you to seek assistance in your exploration.
You talked about depression. Gambling addiction, that is pathological gambling, has a high co-morbidity (diseases occurring together) with other psychiatric disorders especially depression and other substance abuse or anxiety disorders.

I am not trying to diagnose you on the internet but I want to point out a few things you typed: "it's been depressing"..."a job I don't like ...I should leave just for my own happiness"..."has not been fun for me as of late"..."I use to get a thrill in gambling"..." I want to find something to occupy me....my job having no growth prospect ...compulsive gambling. The need for something fun"... "I'm at a point where it's not fun anymore" ..." I still can't help but feel guilty and depressed and like a loser".

If a friend of yours typed these statements what would you recommend they do? Have you talked with your primary care provider about how you are feeling? Please consider talking with someone like your primary care provider about how you are feeling.

 

There's some sound advice here, take advantage of it.
I'll echo some of the others, you're getting no thrills from your day to day life and you're hoping that gambling online fills the void-yet it's just another thing you do regularly without satisfaction. What's the point if it's not fun and keeping you from getting where you want to be?

Saving for the next gambling trip and is part of the thrill for me, but it wouldn't be if it those funds 1. kept me from what makes my life enjoyable every day 2.didn't provide entertainment value (FUN!!!!!)

Get out of the rut, figure out what the root of the dissatisfaction is...job? living at home? pressure of getting married and buying a house? If gambling is your favorite form of entertainment, save up for a trip to LV while saving for a house. Get out of Cali and away from the every day grind and enjoy the gambol for a few days once or twice a year. Rinse. Repeat. If the risk of losing money = no fun, I defer to Shifter-Gambling isn't for you.

 

I sympathize with you and agree with the majority here that if it is not fun you have to find something else to do.

I bet on nearly a nightly basis, until a recent hiatus I voluntarily took I was betting at least 2-3 game a night minimum. I took a few weird, really rough losses due to some series of events that were worthy of a book on their own and that was enough for me to turn it off for a while. I often do well in the sports book but it has never been about the money for me win or loss, it has truly been entertainment and fun so when I took those rough losses I told myself it was time to shut it down for at least 7 days but with no definite time frame. I've spent the last 6 days without making a bet, I've watched games as just a fan and appreciated the talent and effort of those playing the game, I've spent more time with my family and girlfriend, and even fired back up the PlayStation 4 that hadn't seen action since prior to football season.

Gambling is always about entertainment, it shouldn't be about winning/losing. After all they didn't build those casinos because of winners. So if it isn't fun and $5k over 2 years which is 5% of your gross salary is too much for you to lose it is time to find a new hobby.

 

You won't reign in the compulsion until you stop being enabled by your parents. Get a place of your own, pay your own bills. If that means leaving your city, so be it. Spread your wings and leave the nest. It sounds like you've already decided it's impossible and that is where you need to figure out a solution. As long as you live with mommy & daddy, your brain will convince you that you can afford to gamble because you don't have the financial responsibilities of the average person. Added responsibility will make you reevaluate how much disposable income you actually have and will force you to change your spending habits. It might seem scary, and it's a big step, but we've all been there at one point in our lives. Good luck to you

 

A lot of good advice here so much of what I was going to say has been said.

Gambling of any sort should not be looked at as a job. I started off betting sports like you via online books. However I was always worried about someone jacking my identify or that they books would stiff me out of winnings. And if they did stiff me what recourse did I have when they are in Costa Rica or somewhere down there and there is no oversight? So I bet small and would never keep much in the account. It was just for fun. I still have an account online and I don't deposit with credit cards...I send cash so I can get quick payouts. But again...still with a small balance so if I did get stiffed it wouldn't hurt too bad or if the govt decided to seize funds then I wouldn't be stuck out.

I didn't begin casino gambling until six years ago but over that time I have gotten my ass whipped a few times and those losses sucked. When I wouldn't have fun with it I would just take a break. I hit tilt a few times and didn't like how that felt so I would just back away from it.

If you took a break from it I am sure you would fall into work and life and then later you can take a shot at it. I bet the fun comes back.

 

The easiest to do is taking a break from any gambling/betting activities, as long as you can hold.
Or better, find something else to do.