Spousal Manipulation

Its been almost a year since my last foray into the motherland. I want to apologize again for my epic failure to complete my last trip report. For those of you who were following along, I apologize for the week long build up that crashed head first into a wall the moment I landed at McCarran. I promise that this time will be different (said every degenerate gambler ever).

Anyway, as I begin to lay plans for my next wonderful adventure, I've been contemplating an often overlooked step: Spousal Permission.

A little bit about me: I'm a 29 year old male (30 in May, kill me now), happily married with a wife and two kids (a 3 year old and a four month old, both girls). For a living I save lives/flaunt my legal authority indiscriminately (depending on which side of the isle you fall on, I like to think I do more of the former than the later), which means I make a decent living that allows me to live a comfortable life (thank you tax payers). My wife is a champ, and was my ever-faithful Vegas partner until we decided to replicate our DNA into two living/breathing things. Since then we've tried our best to get away, but it happens less often then we'd like.

My last trip was in January of 2015 (NFL Wildcard Weekend) at which point my lovely wife was 3 months pregnant. Before we go any further: Yes I'm a horrible person, yes I'm talking about leaving my wife at home with two small kids while I got to Vegas. I can’t help it. I have a problem. Luckily, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one hear who has sacrificed precious time with family to blow the kid's college fund in a drunken stupor. Vegas calls to me. Its been almost 12 months and I can resist its tractor-beam no more. By the time January comes around my littlest will be 6 months old, and if you round up, that’s pretty much a year so I figure I’m good to leave town for a few days.

But first I need permission. I can’t be the only one here who has to “persuade” their significant other that Vegas is a good idea. That said, I’ve been thinking a lot about the process and figured maybe you guys could help me out with my strategy. As of now, I’ve broken things down into three key steps: The Seed, The ASK, and ABC. Here is how I think they work:

The Seed
This step is subtle. You have to prepare your significant other for the big ASK. When I feel a trip coming, I automatically turn into a sweetheart. “Don’t worry hun, I’ll feed the baby in the middle of the night.” Trips to the spa also work wonders. When she asks why, I simply acknowledge how hard she’s been working and tell her I think she needs a break. I’m a treat-others-as-you’d-like-to-be-treated kinda guy. I know that when I first bring up Vegas she’s going to be hesitant, but after the knee jerk reaction, I need her to think “You know what, he’s been working hard too, maybe he deserves a break as well”

This process begins a couple weeks before the ask. Its time consuming, and often expensive, but I’ve found that it’s a vital part of the process.

The ASK
“The Ask” is my biggest stumbling block. For some reason, I can never get the timing right. Patience is the key here. Yes I want to book the room and flight, yes it feels urgent, but WAIT until she is a receptive mood. Never rush the ask.

Also remember that your spouse isn’t stupid. Once the ask comes out, they’re more than likely to put two and two together. By that I mean that your weeks of flattery will start to come into focus, and if she really knows you, she will realize that you had ulterior motives the entire time. This is unavoidable, as she/he will probably put things together on some level. The goal here is to not make it TOO obvious. Pro Tip: Do not, under any circumstance, reference the things you’ve done for her. Sentences like “well you went to Disneyland with Sarah the other day” will only hurt your chances.

ABC: Always Be Closing
Chances are she doesn’t come out and say YES right away. Best case scenario, she leaves the conversation open for further discussion. Remember: anything other than a no, is a yes. If she doesn’t say no, your well on your way to getting the okay. At this point its fair to being booking refundable hotels and airline reservations (thank you SWA).

The sucker punch in closing the deal is your wingman. I’m not someone who goes to Vegas alone, so I always have a partner in crime. Once you’ve identified this key person, you can use his wife against yours. No one wants to be the lame duck. The minute you can say “Come on babe, Jeff’s wife already said yes” she’s screwed. As much as she doesn’t want you to leave her with two small children, her desire to not be “That wife” is stronger.

Anyway, thats my two cents. What about you guys? Tell me I'm not the only ones who goes through a process like this.

 

It's complex over here.

Me: "Terri, I was thinking about going to Oregon to play golf/meeting the degens in Vegas/heading over to Scottsdale to see JR and the gang on xyz dates."

Terri: "Cool."

 

Show off... Lol

I imagine you and Terri have a number of years together and no little ones. If not, teach me your way Jedi

 

Ah single life.

The idea to go to vegas popped into my head.

i went online and books the tickets and rooms.

done.

 

Lotta years, no little ones but you my young padawan. lol But it's always been this way. We never really negotiate, everything seems to be done by some kinda radar love consensus.

Hell, she's winging her way to Australia right now.

 

Yeah this is kinda how it works for me. With a little kid a little bit more complicated to figure out what is best for her with work etc...

 

It's not a zero-sum game.

 

For the record, I'm obviously exaggerating for entertainment sake. The wife is pretty flexible and we generally go away together.

But there is always a sell to some point. Vegas costs time and money, two things that require some discussion in a young family.

Or maybe I'm just a big pussie whose wife wears the pants lol

 

You seem to be very cognizant of the potential and the reality, so good on ya!

 

I can always get a "yes" if I ask my wife if I can go to Vegas...

(...I am not sure what would happen if I didn't ask her if she wanted to go, too...)

 

Hahaha, I'm with you man, bringing her with me is easy!

But she generally hates January trips, she needs the pool during the day or all she does is shop and I can't afford that AND my carny bets

 

Suggest you need a few days away. Give her 2-3 choices with the other ones being shit! Old sales game of "either" this "or" that.

 

*Honey, im going out to get some milk*

Consequences are for next week.

 

I actually wasn't going to go this January for the first year in a long time but she asked ME if I was going to CES and then my buddy booked and well you know how that goes; so January here we come. Our little guy is 2 and a half but I went the last two January's at 1.5 and .5 as well. All good my friend do it to it

 

That's exactly what I did with my upcoming trip. Thought it was about time to go to Vegas so I took the time and booked a trip. Told my g/f I was going to Vegas and she said "oh cool"

Stories like this make me really happy I'm not married and have no kids.

 

Spousal manipulation must be a man/woman kind of deal. I'm married as well, but we are both guys. The conversation goes something like this: "Babe, Southwest has a cheap deal and Red Rock is throwing in some comps. Is it cool if I go?" "Go for it. Have fun. Send me your flight information so I can get you to the airport." "Thanks, Babe."

Oh yeah, you know that other thing you men are always having to beg for? Not me.

 

Mrs. TC & I came to an understanding back in 1989 or so... I was in similar circumstances then (a 3 year old and a 1 year old...both boys).
Prior to having kids, my typical Vegas year was 3 or 4 trips...roughly one per quarter.
She actually approach the subject with me, suggesting that it may be time to scale things back a bit...she said "two" & I thought that was very reasonable...
Skip ahead to the 21st century...2008... both kids have their degrees from Texas A&M...working at good-paying jobs and living quite well...both in Austin...
So, I just sort of mention to the wife when I'm thinking of booking...I usually have some sort of 'excuse' to justify it... brother's birthday & he's going to be out there... Toad the Wet Sprocket playing a free show at FSE... airline flight credit about to expire... those type of things...
She still continues to ask me about visiting other places with my flight credits and/or airline miles, and my reply has almost become a running joke:
"Sure thing, hun... so, where else can I go that has free hotel, meals & drinks? Name it & I'll book-it right now!"
Wife: "Oh never-mind... have fun."

 

Best answer.

Sort of like our dog that always jumps up to eat food at the table. He KNOWS he will get yelled at and maybe swatted. So what? He still gets to eat the table food.