Beer, Pizza and Cotton Candy 3/17 - 3/22 LONG

Time to try my hand at the trip report. Background: 10 guys from 3 states meeting in Vegas for the tournament. 8 staying at Harrah's, my buddy an I at Flamingo. Boozing and gambling was the goal.

3/17

My buddy and I flew out of Detroit at 7:30pm with a connecting flight in Minneapolis. We left a day early so we would be "fresh" for the morning basketball games. I figured we would be in O'Sheas by midnight. Close and since it was St Paddy's Day, it was an easy choice. Both flights were uneventful, were a bit early and had cold beer...so far so good.
Getting in early I thought we would be on the strip early, not so fast my friend!! It seems that every flight arrives around 11 on Wednesday night and the cab line was monstrous but moving. Going against my judgement thanks to prodding from a cheap friend, I decide to shoot over to the shuttles. Score, no line. Cashier says it will be a 25-30 minute wait, with my buzz slipping away by the second I give in. Damn. She was right too but didn't add in the extra time waiting for the shuttle to fill up. GAH...I can see the strip let's go!!! Finally the last straggler hops on the bus. Time for a quick PSA to all shuttle drivers: When its midnight on a Wednesday, 3am for those of us in the eastern US, please don't do your Jerry Seinfeld routine. DRIVE THE DAMN BUS!

What a card this guy was, especially his bit about how much worse off LV's unemployment is compared to say Detroit. Because surely no one from Detroit goes to Vegas, right? I almost offered my phone to him so he could run his joke by my soon to be unemployed sister. Surely that would have killed Jerry, KILLED! My best bet was to keep my mouth shut so as not hold us up any longer and we finally get to the Flamingo at 12:30

No line at check in and I gave the fairly attractive clerk the best $20 sammich she ever had...awwww yeahhhh. Some keyboard work here, a talk with her manager there turns my 5 nights in a standard room to 5 nights in a GO room. We even were able to get a King room for the night and switch to a double queen the next day. She also was sending up a rollaway so there would be no cuddling incidents. Thank you! Finally, just before 1 we hit the room, change and roll over to O'Sheas for all of 10 minutes. I knew it would be jammed but the whole post landing delay had made my buzz go away. Not ideal conditions to deal with all those drunk guys in their Ed Hardy shirts. WTF is with those things anyway? Ugly as hell but it looks good on you.

Back to the Flamingo, another beer and I am gassed but have to gamble somewhat on the first night. A little blackjack...very little actually as the wall has been hit. Off to the room...the room with NO rollaway. We call down and 30 minutes later the rollaway shows up. Maintenance or housekeeping whoever had to bring it up obviously pushed this thing from MGM Grand up LVB to the Flamingo because was essentially shoved in the room with a "Here's your bed, just unfold it" as she walked out. Look, I don't expect you to set the thing up especially at 2:30ish but come on no need for the attitude.

Up next: 3/18 The Batcave and the Venetian

 

Great report so far! Looking forward to part 2.

Tex - also doesn't get the whole Ed Hardy shirt thing...

 

hurry up with the rest!

PS - Ed hardy played out long ago as soon as Costco started selling $15 versions of the shirts and they licensed the crap out of their name and it ended up on belts, sneakers, duffle bags, cologne, and literally anything else you can think of

 

HELL YEAH!
now on with the report lol!

 

The Batcave and the Venetian

3/18

Not staying up until 5 pounding beer was a great idea in retrospect. Not much sleep but was highly functional. Got up and went to Harrah’s to find the conference room where they were showing the games…huh must be in IP this year…hmmmm…no? It has to be here, let’s ask the bartender. Oh you have no idea what I’m talking about? Well it was here three years ago my buddy kept telling me. Nice start to the morning as we wander around like idiots. We decide on the piano bar and sit right in front the big screen, cross eyed close, while waiting for the rest of the crew to arrive.

By 11 everyone has arrived and the beer and insults are flowing. Now its Vegas! We eventually move to Toby Keith’s…woo…hoo but I am told we have a big table up front. Fine, I have to change rooms anyway at the Flamingo which went off without a hitch. Back to the country bar to watch basketball, something odd about all that. I kept thinking of Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours for some reason. The placement here is worse than the piano bar which makes my second betting loss of the day feel so much better. Well beer is coming soon or would be if we had a waitress. Off to the bar for a drink and a good thing as I notice the mason jars next to the tap. When in Rome! Pretty cheap too $7. Ahhh happy place and the kicker we are heading to the Hilton for multiple screens in the theater.

This is the first time in the Hilton and the impression is…meh. Nothing great casino wise but great book and the theater setup isn’t bad. We get comfy watching games for the next 6 hours or so. Now I love sports but more than 4 hours in one spot is tough especially in the cavelike atmosphere in the theatre. Walking out of there, eyes dilated, I must have looked like I dropped three hits of acid. Damn hippies and there basketball. Well I had enough and it was time to go. The afternoon of beer turned me into the Magic Man…now you see me, now you don’t! Off to the monorail.

Well of course this is the time to go gamble, a bit drunk and ready for a big…for me, buy in. Smart boy real smart. I get more money and head to the Venetian for a $25 table. I find a seat at third base mostly so I can people watch. Good move as I like pretty girls and there were many. I bought in for $700 and have some success nothing great at first. Some decent table mates, some that made me laugh not on purpose. FYI you make yourself look really dumb when you critique someone’s play and then play like a moron after they leave. It’s ok though, the dealer and I didn’t talk about you after you left. By the way, I finally noticed the stink in Venetian. A tad strong. Spotty drink service too. Regular fly bys and then nothing for about 45 minutes. Strange. So, between watching the pretty parade and chatting with the dealer I hadn’t noticed my stack growing…ok I noticed but nothing exciting was happening in the way I was winning. It was a slow burn the good way. Next thing I know I have a few black stacks, huh looks like 3K…nice. Play some more and its 3500, wow. I was sober enough to know what I was doing yet buzzed enough to bet big early enough. I think, think mind you, the pit boss even tried to cool me. At the point I was up big he came over and changes the table to $50 min. This is late too 1ish or so. Huh, so I ask if we would be grandfathered and he said no. Two guys color and leave while a third is in the process of coloring. I don’t mind since I am up. Before the dealer can finish coloring the guy, the pit boss comes back and changes it back to $25. I hadn’t seen that before.

I stick around for a few more shoes and a few more wins before things turn. A couple bad shoes and I look down at my chips…huh 3500. No shit. Color coming in. 7 purples and off to the cage I go. Vegas is the only place where you can walk around with lots of money and not feel in imminent danger of being rolled, even at 2am. Not that I was skipping around waving Benjamins on the walk to Flamingo mind you. I wanted to though. A perfect time to end Thursday. I just know my luck will hold out…RIGHT??

Next… 3/19 He Ain’t Heavy, He’s Passed Out!

 

Ed Hardy shot glasses in them discount rack at Marshalls....or was that Ross?

 

more please!

 

nice report! mas! mas!

we were at wet republic and the security guards were telling us what a dbag Jon Gosselin was as I made small talk during our strip and cavity searchs to enter their gay empty boring party full of sloppy fat female street thugs and other wanna be gangsters.

When a dbag calls a dbag a dbag, that's like a DOUBLE dbag!

So I'm goin' with the "Gosselin" effect on why Ed Hardy is out.

Also I've often been insulted with---"....and you probably wear Ed Hardy....". Of course this is wrong because 99.3% of my wardrobe is Nike, Tiger Woods Platinum Ultra Thin Sheep Skin Collection.

 

He Ain't Heavy, He's Passed Out!

3/19

There's the hungover feeling I have been dying for. Nothing that more beer and a couple aspirin won't cure. Now we're finally dialed in as a group. The plan is to get to the Hilton early...EARLY as in 9 or so. You go have fun with all that I tell my buddy who is showered and ready to go by 9. Horizontal is the in thing at the moment and the thought of 12 hours in the batcave is just awful. I take my time, shower and head down to the Tropical Breeze for breakfast. Fancy - no, overpriced - a tad, but they do make a solid omelette and the first class service at the counter can't be beat. Its really just service. Some of the waitstaff are just plain cranky/dumb. Such as my lovely waitress who felt the need to put me and the random stranger next to me on the same tab. A cute woman may have gotten a free breakfast, some random dude on the other hand, not so much. Random asks "Why would you do that?" Well I thought you were together. Hmmmmm, maybe I need some Ed Hardy gear to man myself up.

Delicious breakfast and homosexual assumptions behind me, its off to the Venetian again. I had a slot voucher from the day before and was in no hurry to dungeon up, plus the scent was begging to be inhaled. I put 150 in the machine, Price Is Right I believe, and not much works. Over to Goldfish 2. I can't lie, I loves me some Goldfish. Not a huge slot player but the Goldfish gets me every time. Goldfish 2 I am no fan of but thought I would give it a try. I appreciate the kick ass speakers the put on these new machines but no need to turn them to 11. I could not find the volume on this damn thing and it was LOUD...Motorhead loud. It get really loud when you get a bonus game...I never wanted a bonus to end faster in my life. I wound up even for the hour or so I played and decided to head to the Hilton around 1.

Ahhhh a dark theatre full of dudes but without porn on the screens. What kind of place is this anyway?? Beer and basketball...blah blah blah. Its almost time for Michigan State to tip off so time to place my bet. My alma mater is not covering today I feel it. Luckily for me I was standing in line in front of a guy from New Mexico, MSU was playing New Mexico St., and he hears me talking to one of the guys about the game. He tells me that NMST
plays no defense, MSU should score easily, the over isn't a bad play...yadda yadda yadda. Well my heart hears this, temporarily overriding my brain and I take MSU -13.5 and the over. Woo-Hoo...dumbass. Needless to say MSU did not cover. Stand up for yourself brain!! Oh well, I am still up big from last night no biggie.

Meanwhile, the crew was getting hungry and the $2 hot dogs, while delicious I am sure, wasn't cutting it. One guy suggests getting pizza, bingo. 3 larges should be good and off he goes to order. Now brain is working again and I am thinking how in the hell is he bringing in outside pizza? Casinos no likey I am sure. He's gone for an hour or so, and as I sit growing pale in the darkness, I notice something shiny out of the corner of my eye. Glitter coated stripper? No,damn. Its a luggage cart coming down the side aisle, with 3 massive pizza boxes on it and nothing else pushed by someone from the Hilton bell desk. Are you kidding me? You grease a few palms and next thing you know 3 pizzas come rolling through the casino. Thin and greasy, but highly necessary, we eat what we can. Giving some away...giving the number to the pizza place to others. Awesome. Time to leave, finally! Now where's my precioussssss...myyyyy precioussssssss.

The following tidbit my be a tad unasvory for some, prudes, anyway feel free to ignore a certain word. Side note to the dancer at the "party pit" at the Hilton, that tramp stamp of yours does it say "precum"? We had 5 or 6 guys try to read it and we swear that is what it says. Thanks for the instructions and stay classy!

Back to Harrah's to reconvene for the evening. A typical cluster but we finally get everyone who is going out together. A quick stop for a tallboy in the paper sack of course and off to the Mirage. It is packed but we find a table...single deck, $25 and yes 6:5 sadly, but we want to play a bit. That lasted about 1/2 hour. I can't sit and watch people toss money away by playing like idiots and NOT care. So we leave the table and mill around watching the drunk masses, us included, walk through the Mirage. We spy a couple walking towards us, the woman is hammered her arms around her bf/hubby for support. Speaking of support she had very little in the breast department because as she was getting closer one of her boobs had enough and tried to break free. Thar she blows, left boob dead ahead. Not
just a pop out and return either. It stayed out for at least 100 ft of the walk before she realized and adjusted. Nice boob too by the way. Yeah Vegas!

Nothing working at the the Mirage so we hoof it to Bellagio for some $10 tables. I thought the guy was crazy for thinking that, especially on a Friday night but I kept my mouth shut. Walking across the bridge from CP to Bellagio we see what looks like two guys carrying something. Yep they sure are and that thing is a passed out guy. So picture 4 guys crossing from Bellagio to CP, 2 are carrying this big piece of dead weight while the 4th guy
is following behind getting video of the whole thing. Hilarious! Now they needed the luggage cart. Upon arrival at Bellagio what do we find but a pile of $10 tables. Who the F knew? Of course packed to the gills...Ed Hardy and dresses barely below the...well I'll stick to ass cheeks....in full effect. Mmmmm Vegas. More milling and the day has taken its toll. Time to head back across the street...damn I need a Whopper, hello O'Sheas. Goodbye O'Sheas, that line was way too long. Another night down...two to go.

Next 3/20 The Wheels Come Off

 

Loving it...more please!!

 

can't wait to read the rest either.

 

Nice. Waiting for the rest.

Quick question. Is the Hilton sportsbook worth the trip down there? I have intended to go there the past 5 trips, and never make it. Want to know for Fall trip to watch college football.

 

Awesome report so far!

"Precum"....LMAO!

 

I swear thats what it looked like...although rectum was a close second.

 

The Wheels Come Off

3/20

This all day drinking thing is pretty damn great. No real hangover again. Today is wander the strip day. No batcave thank god. Another breakfast downstairs and the plan is to meet the Harrah's posse at 2. Perfect. I see my Goldfish friend next to Bugsy's bar and throw some money his way. You know for being the first bank of slots next to the bar you would think the drink service would at least be bad...nope awful. Nothing new as I had noticed this last year. Flamingo, you've changed man, you used to be cool...relatively cool. Mr or Ms Goldfish is in a good mood and spit me out an 80 buck profit. Just playing pennies, 3 per line. A long day ahead no need to push things.

My buddy comes back from the death line at the book finally. Flamingo, either kill that thing or go big...OR OPEN MORE WINDOWS. The setup is the worst. Note to people staying at Flamingo who are bettors. For bigger events, head next door to Bill's. The lines are manageable. During the Super Bowl in 09, Flamingo staff were directing people there because of the quagmire. Bill's you say? Sounds like a good idea to me so off we go. Despite their juice glasses of beer and ancient waitstaff, I like going in there. I did see the "rapid" craps game which was neither rapid nor craps. We watched for a bit and rapid is a baldfaced lie. Slow as hell craps more like it. It was full at around noon but I don't see this pushing real craps out of any doors. Quiet and slow...hmmmm maybe they should call it Keno craps.

We decide to play a little Let It Ride hoping to avoid the confrontation of last year when some brainiac got all belligerent about my buddy's play. Really?? At LIR? Luckily no Mr. Happy this time.It was a typical session at the table, slow burn the bad way for me. Oh well I was up from Thursday no biggie...this is a theme. We did enjoy the 50 something waitress who managed, very successfully, to disguise the volleyballs in her uniform as breasts. Her back must hate her. She seemed like a woman who hated attention. I saw through the breasts spilling out and the parrot beak glasses she was wearing. Wall flower for sure. My buddy did ask if he could touch it...this was a pick em as to what of course... and she brought the "only if
I can touch yours" back at him. Well played...well played. She was quick with the Blue Moons too. She even brought me two at one point. Which really came to one when you put them together but who cares. The game ate the 200 buy in which was really 225 when the guy
who hit the 4OAK tossed everyone a greenie. Classy move. More people should take that approach...for example someone who may have won a nice sum playing BJ. It was late and I was drunk...I'M SORRY!!!

2 bells approaches and we meet the guys for the walk to Aria. Cool, I wanted to check the place out. Is that little spot by the bridge the filthiest spot on LVB? All the trash bins were overflowing...crap everywhere and not just the one time. Ugh. Man that IS a long walk to Aria so long in fact that 3 of us only made it to Todd English's P.U.B for a quick pint of real beer. Well one turned to three and the rest of the crew cam back before we could find them. More beer ensued. We insulted a female patron the bar by giving her a pint of Strongbow, ya know cause its a girlie drink...or so the waitress said. The pint was brought in error, we weren't drinking cider and the waitress said that girls like it. No responsibility on us. It was all good as the single guy in the party worked the digits off her cute, tattooed to the hilt friend. Interesting thing about the P.U.B, they have these little hourglasses on stands sticking up from the bar. They didn't look exactly like hourglasses so we asked what they were. A fine patron told us what they were and said that if you could down a pint before the sand runs out its free. About 10 seconds too. Well someone HAS to try this and one of our group was successful on both of his attempts. By the way, I knew I had a few because I swear I watched Northern Iowa beat Kansas while I was there. Slow it down kid.

Now things begin to get fuzzy as we depart for Bellagio. Time for more BJ...more losing but only about 200 down again...Up...Thursday...blah blah blah. Not sure the time frame of Bellagio but it was dark when we left for the Hard Rock. About 5 of us cab it over there and kind of hang out wating for the others. No one seems motivated and one guy says that maybe we should head back. What?? We just got there. Fine but I am getting drunk and stubbornerer so off to a table I go. I believe I bought in for 300 or 500 either way I left with zero. Why on earth are the 25 chips purple there? What the hell is that all about? After getting cleaned out and more drunk I decide to split. I text Sh0ck about the shindig at MGM about 10:30 and its in full swing. Do I cab it to MGM? I wanted to however I was moving into too drunk territory. Now this is a fine territory and surely I would fit in however I didn't want to show up as hammered VMB guy. I wanted to be eventually got hammered VMB guy. Bummer because I was looking forward to meeting everyone in attendance. Oh well, someone is always going to Vegas. Maybe Fall or Summer or Fall and Summer.

The better decision was to head back to the Flamingo, get more money and hit the Venetian again. Lightning ALWAYS strikes twice or something like that. Meanwhile I have no concerns where everyone else is...its my world dammit! Ahhh the Venetian again, smelly lovely Venetian. Lets hit another $25 table and repeat Thursday night. Yeah...drunk and stubborn the recipe for BJ success...wow that can go two ways huh. Anyway, that was a quick 500, too quick.

Buy back in, nah I need food since I haven't eaten since breakfast. NOW its Whopper time. This time I stayed in line and waited for the delicious grease. Hey why sit when you can take it with you...traveling Whopper back to Flamingo. Surely I looked smooth with my face in that Whopper gracefully strolling down LVB. HOT! Well lets try Flamingo shall we. I hate that bird, taking a drunk guy's money and all. Yes it was late but can you please at least try and clean off the table a bit. Ashes, hair and general filth were strewn about the table. Gross and I was hammered! Oh well enough of this shit, bed time. I slept from about 3 until 5:15 when my buddy come storming into the room..."YOU SLEEPING DUDE?!?!?!?" Uhhhh nope. It's Vegas!

Next 3/21 The Dealer Was Angry My Friend

 

Loving your report!

 

All this trip report needs is

MORE COWBELL!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx

 

Great trip report. You tell it like it is, keep it going.

By the way , on the tatoo "precum" its better than shampoo, rinse, and repeat

 

The Dealer Was Angry My Friend

3/21

10:00 comes early when you go to bed after 5am. The last full day in Vegas, where the hell did the time go? Wasn’t it just Friday morning? Nothing to do but make the most of the last day and waking at 10 isn’t getting it done. My buddy is struggling and worse yet his phone somehow switched providers from Verizon to AT&T - Vodafone, how the F does that happen? I tell him to hit the concierge to help him find a Verizon store while I get ready. I go downstairs to see him using the phone at the concierge desk, typical working the system out of this guy but I am starving so hurry up. An omelette and a Whopper in 36 hours is not cutting it…I need food! An hour later he gets the phone straightened out, all the while using the Flamingo’s phone. Good thing they weren’t busy.

We hit Margaritaville for some authentic island cuisine and fabulous island entertainment…I hate Jimmy Buffett. The food isn’t that bad really but I still hate Buffett. We are having such a struggling start we are making no effort to watch the State game but my buddy is going to make an effort at putting away a…well…gross of nachos? The boy can eat but no way he puts that down…I was right but he almost made it. The last of the Harrah’s group stops by before his flight leaves, we share our good times and good byes and get ready to hit the south end of the strip.

For some reason, we both really dig NYNY and we have to hit it every time we come to Vegas. A nice leisurely walk down LVB until nature calls and at stop at the P HO is a necessity. Now I wouldn’t bring this up except for the odd situation in the casino bathroom and no, a man sex solicitation did not occur…perverts. Now a walk through the mall should turn up a bathroom right? Nope. Right turn into casino and there is the bathroom geez that was difficult. I find a suitable area to commence business when I hear a rattling along the right wall. Ok, I have a neighbor no biggie…except for the fact that out of the blue I see a gloved hand taking a roll of toilet paper from my stall! WHAT?!?!?! So there I sit, a roll of tp missing with nothing in its place but an open space while maintenance guy goes about his work. Of course this is the lowest roll, closest to certain bits and pieces I am not interested in sharing with the glove. I swear this guy was working in the next stall for 5 minutes before the cover closes and I have my privacy again. Ummmm time to go methinks.

OK that was unpleasant…almost as unpleasant as the $7 beer I bought at the bar just outside the casino entrance. At least janitor peepers didn’t bend me over, but the bartender was cute and a female so she cuold have if she had to…Anyhow back to the street and down to NYNY. That damn corner by Aria is still a trash dump or is a new dump. The trek to the south strip includes a frozen drink at the Glacier Bar…well it used to when they sold frozen drinks. WTF again, just fancy shots now? Surely that’s a hit, especially on a hot summer day, who wouldn’t want a shot outside? At least they have them in NYNY so we get a couple and decide to walk over Excalibur first. The party pit there is a good thing and the girls don’t have sexual instructions on their lower backs. They are pretty hot too, we did hear that a few may have a night job in a gentleman’s club. I’m buying that. We buy in at a BJ table for about 15 minutes until the first 10 split of the weekend pops up. It busts the dealer…yea and busts my brain as well…color coming in.

A new table and another dealer I cannot understand. The music is still loud in the regular pit, she talked softly and had an accent. There were lots of laughs and head shakes and yeps to half of the dialogue but she was nice yet tough. A guy at the next table dropped his cigarette butt in an empty glass with ice in it…wrong move cowboy Sara is on the hunt. She sees this and starts yelling for the guy who is watching War, he can’t hear so I have to yell for him. He turns and Sara starts giving it to him, you can’t put that there, that’s not an ashtray, do you do that at home? Get that out of there…he looks dumbfounded and she says it again, take that out of there! So he reaches in and takes the ashtray she hands him and places his butt in it. You go Sara! Hilarious. More bad play, a slight loss and its time for another party pit table.

Aha, better players and much better proximity to the bead tossing ladies. The table was fun but not real successful. Then we had an incident. The dealer runs out the cards and one of hers is face down when I believe she decides to take the discards and put then in the continuous shuffler. What I do know is that she dropped two cards and moved the original one out of place. We all caught it and she goes to turn over the wrong card. We point and kinda say wait when she goes all ballistic…at me. Saying something in a heavy Asian accent and points at the card shaking her head. I wasn’t that drunk at all so I know I wasn’t as belligerent as I could have been. Again I mildly protest and she-devil points and says something nasty, I know it. I should have called over the pit boss just for a clarification but I didn’t want to be beheaded. All righty then.

More 3/21 Coming Up